


safe

by a_calipygian



Series: Safe and Sound [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Broken Families, Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, It's really sad but also happy, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Praise Kink, Rape, Self-Harm, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Touch-Starved, domestic abuse, no beta we die like men, soft reed900 for a change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-06-26 01:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 52,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_calipygian/pseuds/a_calipygian
Summary: There's a reason Gavin is so insufferable at work. There's a reason for his foul moods and for the bruises he sports daily, but he'll be damned if anyone ever finds out what it is. Though... maybe someone already has.





	1. sorry, i’m just having a bad life

**Author's Note:**

> Never have I ever used 'fuck' so many times in a single chapter. Enjoy the angst.
> 
> Note: some minor changes have been made throughout this story to coalesce with the prequel (which is now available in the next work!) nothing too major, just little edits to Nine’s story in the fourth chapter and a few continuity errors have been rectified <3

Gavin likes to think he's quite confident in his looks.

Sure, his hair could be a bit tidier, more easy to style. His stubble could do with some work, whether it be shaved off or allowed to grow out. His nose could be a little straighter and not have that fucking scar across the front of it. His eyes could be a little brighter and not so dull and grey. Maybe he could afford to lose a couple of pounds as well, but otherwise—

Well, he likes to pretend he's confident, anyway.

Truth is, you probably couldn't find a more insecure person.

No one's ever going to know that, though, and he'll make goddamned sure of it. As far as everyone else is concerned, Gavin Reed thinks he can probably make it as a model, maybe even a porn star. They'll never know how many times Gavin's broken down in front of a mirror, hating the face that stares back at him, pulling at his hair and skin as if he could tear away this face for a new one. How many times Gavin's held his own service gun to his temple with every intention of blowing a hole in his head, hoping a new, better life waited for him on the other side.

They'll never know, and it'll stay that way.

Besides, who in their right mind would believe it anyway? Gavin struts around the station like he owns the place, not taking shit from anybody — not even the Captain. No one would ever think it was all just a facade; layers of false bravado to cover up the broken man that cowered beneath. The idea of it is, even to Gavin, barking mad.

So, the _first_ time that it happens, Gavin holds his head high as he walks into the office, like he would any other day, striding through with a sway in his walk that embodies arrogance and pride. He ignores all the looks he receives on his way in and fights the temptation to lower his head or cover his face with the oversized jacket he currently sports. The entirety of this morning had already been spent walking himself through this scenario, and he'd already planned everything down to the smallest detail. What excuses to give when someone asked him about it and what noise or hand gesture to make when they tried to pry for more information.

It will be _fine_.

But, even as Gavin walks through the security gate with all the confidence in the world, he still worries.

“Gavin?” A voice calls from somewhere in the room, and he turns his head to spot Officer Chen heading towards him with a concerned expression already planted on her face.

 _Well, fuck_. He thought he'd at least make it to his desk before the first questions came, or have been able to get himself a coffee first. His morning cravings are already in full effect.

“Fucking hell, man. What the _fuck_ happened to your face?” Tina asks, with all the eloquence she usually possesses. Not that Gavin really minds, it’s good to have someone in the office who is just as temperamental and foul-mouthed as he is. Well, maybe Lieutenant Anderson could hold that privilege, but he isn’t as close to him as Tina is. She is probably the only other person in the office who can stand to be around him half the time.

Gavin shrugs careless shoulders in response to her question, acting like he doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about.

Acting like there isn’t a swollen, black bruise around his left eye, glaringly obvious for the entire bullpen to see. Acting like he hadn't spent hours this morning trying to find some way to cover it up, and going over a million different excuses in his head for how he could have got it.

“Fight at the bar last night,” is the excuse Gavin had eventually settled with, and the one that seemed most plausible considering how much time he spent in bars, “just some drunk geezer lookin' for trouble.”

“Bloody hell,” she exclaims, following alongside him as he begins to walk to the coffee machine on automatic, “did you knick him for it?”

“Like fuck did I. I was off duty, Chen.”

“You're still the police, Gavin. You could have had him for assault.” She pauses, to arch a knowing brow at him. “Unless you fought back?”

Gavin stares down at the cup currently slotted into the machine; eyes glossed over as he remembers the punches he'd endured last night, and how he'd trembled in the corner like a child. “Yeah, course I did.” He shoots a smirk back at her, false pride in his expression. “You think this is bad? You shoulda seen the state of the other guy when I was done with him.”

“You're an idiot, Reed. You'll get your badge taken off you one of these days.” Chen warns, shaking her head at him with either fondness or annoyance — Gavin can hardly ever tell the difference. 

“Yeah, yeah, go bother someone else. It's too early for your crap.”

“Fuck you.”

“And you.” He says back with the widest, shittiest grin he can muster, turning his attention back to his coffee as she wanders back to her desk. He plucks the cup from out of the machine and the smell of fresh joe is enough to make him moan; nothing beats this first cup of the day, especially after such a crappy night — and morning for that matter.

Actually, come to think of it, his whole life is pretty crappy. Not that he’s complaining.

He has a roof over his head and food on the table, and that’s more than some people’ve got. He supposes he should be grateful really — but gratitude and courtesy aren’t things he keeps at the top of his priority list. Though, he is extremely fucking grateful for this cup of caffeine in his hands.

Like every morning, he takes his coffee to his desk, gets himself comfortable and pulls up his terminal to see what cases he’s been assigned — hoping to God something interesting will crop up to take his mind off of everything. And like every morning, exactly two minutes after he's sat down, the four words he simultaneously loves and dreads to hear are being spoken to him.

“Good morning, Detective Reed.” A voice greets from behind his shoulder, a looming presence that makes Gavin feel ridiculously small in his chair. It used to scare the shit out of him, being snuck up on like that every morning, but after nearly two months of it, he’s gradually starting to acclimate.

“Mornin', dipshit.” He murmurs back with as much disinterest as he can muster, not even bothering to turn his chair or his head. He already knows who it is anyway.

Long legs stride past him to get to the desk opposite of his own, his partner taking his usual seat and smiling up at him with those blue eyes and that annoying well-bred manner all Androids have — and by Android, he means RK900. Or just Nine; a name that Gavin had settled with when RK900 started to become a bit of a mouthful.

His official partner of exactly two months now; an upgraded version of the RK800 turned Deviant after the revolution and Cyberlife's forced termination — or something along those lines anyway. He'd been far too angry with Fowler at the time to actually consider listening. He never asked for a partner and he had been adamant he didn't need one — certainly not an Android one at that — and he'd made sure the Captain knew it by the time the day was done.

Never had he ever received so many disciplinary warnings in a _single_ _day_.

It hadn't done shit either, the prick was still assigned as his partner and they were forced to begin working together as soon as possible, much to his annoyance. In hindsight, it probably wasn't as bad as Gavin had made it out to be, but his stubbornness is just one of the many flaws that he can’t seem to shrug off.

After getting over the initial frustration of having an Android as his partner, and getting used to how much the fucker looked like Connor — they'd actually become a pretty good team. He hated to say it but his progress reports had never been better since Nine had come to work with him; they were solving cases faster, cracking down on clues and leads and closing investigations in record time.

It’s become... unexpectedly nice, having an extra pair of eyes around when he’s out on a case. Not that Gavin’s never had partners before, he's had his fair share, but all of them had been driven away only weeks into working together by his sarcastic nature and his boorish manners. And it isn’t like he’s acting any differently towards Nine, but the Android is probably just as stubborn as he is and after two months he’s still here, working alongside him every day.

It pisses Gavin off because he’s starting to enjoy the bastard's company. Starting to get too familiar with having him around, and things like that only ever end one way in his life.

Anything that makes him happy _never_ lasts, and it never will. It’s only a matter of time before Nine will be leaving too, and Gavin will be back to square one all over again.

“Are you listening to me, Detective?” The Android's voice comes again, confident and far too smooth for this early in the morning. Gavin hadn't even noticed he had been staring at him through his entire thought spiel, and the realization makes his cheeks warm with embarrassment.

“What?”

Nine rolls his eyes in exasperation at having to repeat himself, and Gavin fights the urge to throw his coffee over him, “I said, you seem to have some contusions around your left eye.”

“Your investigative techniques continue to blow me away, Nine.” Gavin drawls, sarcasm practically dripping from his tone. “Fuckin' hell. You know, for a state of the art model you sure are a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yes, I believe you've mentioned, _multiple_ times. For a human with astounding brain capacity, you sure have questionable memory drawbacks.”

“Fuck off, tin can.” Gavin bites back, turning his head away to focus on his terminal again, bringing his coffee cup to his lips. He has no interest in having this conversation again already; though the back and forth with him has definitely lifted his spirits. Yet another reason why he enjoys having the droid as his partner; Nine always has a comeback for everything. Sure it’s... annoying sometimes, but having someone to bounce off keeps his brain going. 

Nine's eyes don’t leave him for a second, Gavin can feel them burning holes into the side of his head, “Detective, I know you tend to suffer from spurts of ignorance, but I'm sure even you can discern that my observation wasn't a simple statement.” He says, matter-of-factly, giving Gavin a reason to shoot a glare his way again. “What happened?”

“Why the fuck do you care?”

“Because you are my partner, Detective, whether you like it or not.” Nine smiles sourly, his head tilting on an angle. “Partnerships work best when both parties can trust one another — look out for each other. Even if you are an insufferable half-wit, it is still in my best intentions to keep you safe.”

There’s a beat of silence in which they just stare at one another, Nine's hands rested calmly in his lap whilst Gavin forgets he has a coffee in his own and spills it over himself in shock.

Nine looks down at the splash on his trousers and registers no burn mark, so he brings his eyes back up again, “So, I'll ask again, shall I? What exactly happened to you?”

“It was nothin',” Gavin mumbles finally, wiping a hand across the stain on his jeans to try and get it out, “just a guy at the bar last night looking for trouble. He ended up swinging for me.”

A crease appears in Nine's forehead, smooth and unaging — who the fuck designs an android with wrinkles anyway? “What provoked this fight?”

“I don't fuckin’ know, he just got mad and went off on one.”

“That seems highly unlikely,” Nine muses, studying his face with enough attentivity to make all of Gavin's anxiety peak, “why would he attack you for no reason whatsoever?”

“He just did.” Gavin grits out, the exasperation in his tone making him wish he could take back the words and say them again with more composure. “Alcohol makes you do some crazy shit. He was drunk, he started a fight, that's all there is to it. Now, shut the fuck up and let me do my job.”

Gavin watches him for a moment until the Android finally nods his head in consent, and Gavin silently praises every deity he can think of that this conversation is over. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Work is the one place he can get away from all of that — the one place where he can be the one in control. He never brings his personal issues here because no one gives a shit and he doesn’t want the goddamn  _pity_. He’s got far too much pride for that.

He clicks the first case file he can see on his computer, not even sure if it’s a case for his department but he needs to think about something else and distract himself before he gets fucking emotional in the middle of the _fucking station_. Emotional about his shitty life, emotional about his fucking appearance, emotional about the person waiting for him back at home.

“Detective Reed?” Nine's voice pierces through his thoughts again for the second time this morning, and Gavin allows a singular glance up at him before looking away again, making his disinterest in conversation clear. His voice will probably break if he speaks, anyway. Yet, the prick keeps talking anyway. “I feel strongly obliged to remind you that I was designed for interrogation and investigative work, and I have programmes in my database to detect fabrication. I know you're lying to me.”

Gavin says nothing, feels his jaw clench stubbornly.

“Human psychologists praise communication as one of the finest forms of therapy. Whatever it is that happened, I'd be glad to listen.”

His fists tighten, but Nine insists.

“Detective Re-“

“I thought I told you to shut the fuck up?” Gavin finally snaps, his voice raising several octaves and no doubt attracting the attention of the nearest desks. “Have your fuckin’ ears stopped working or somethin’? I told you what happened, so quit botherin’ me, else I won't be the only one with a black eye. _Got it_?!”

Gavin is fully aware of how red his face is — aware of the fact he had stood up at some point and is now leaning over Nine's desk with his hands pressing against it. Aware the entire station is watching — and extremely aware of the calm, stone eyes that simply blink in response to his meaningless threats.

He can remember every single time he'd gotten into Connor's face like this, with every intention of beating him to the ground to make him shut the fuck up; and every time without fail he had watched Connor's little LED flash red at the potential danger Gavin was putting him in.

But with this fucker? _Nothing_. Just a steady blue light that goes out of it’s way to remind Gavin how out of his depth he is threatening Nine like this; something so simple and yet so humiliating. Nine is all cheekbones and strong shoulders and heavy metal, Gavin doubts he could even lay a finger on him before Nine sent him packing.

Despite all of this, the Android below him simply nods, his eyes never parting from his for a second. “Understood. I won't ask again, Detective Reed.”

He stays so calm, and it’s so annoying because it reminds Gavin that there is no _need_ to threaten him. Nine won’t rise to it, and Gavin— Gavin wouldn’t do anything if he did. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Nine, he just enjoys having that power that he desperately lacks at home. The power to make someone else feel just as weak and worthless as he did when he was being thrown against a wall or beaten on the floor.

It used to feel so good, being able to make others suffer like he did — but right now, in this very moment, he feels no better than the very person he resents. 

He pushes himself away from Nine’s desk and lowers himself back behind his own without another word, suddenly very quiet and reserved, but he knows full well everyone will just chalk it up as his usual sulking. He just wants to get on with his work now — maybe munch on a few doughnuts and neck about ten more coffees, revel in the peacefulness of his workplace before he returns to whatever hell waits at home for him tonight. 

In his peripheral vision, he watches Nine readjust himself — long fingers working to straighten the turtleneck of his black jumper back to perfection and swivel his chair back in the direction of his terminal. A long hum of silence follows the movement and, after several moments, Gavin’s sure the subject is done with — yet he can see yellow in Nine's LED and knows there’s still something lingering on the tip of his tongue

“For what it's worth, Detective,” he finally spits out, his head turning back to face him and his velvety voice loud enough for the surrounding desks to hear — though Gavin can’t tell whether or not it’s intentional, “I bet that man from the bar is currently regretting ever touching you in the first place.”

The smile he gives him is small — but filled with a sincerity that Gavin wouldn't have associated with someone whom he had just threatened, but it gives Gavin all the confidence he needs to know that — although Nine undoubtedly  knows he is lying through his teeth — he isn’t going to push again. Some form of gratitude is probably in order.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Gavin grumbles like the stubborn fucker he is, not looking over once, but he'll bet Nine's fucking stupid scanners picked up on the sudden heat on his cheeks and the slight quirk of his lips. And, given the low chuckle that emanates from Nine's mouth before he turns back to his computer again, he has no doubt they did.

_Damn that fuckin’ robot._

_Damn him to hell and back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	2. how not to investigate a crime scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nine rips his favourite jumper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up that i hc gavin and kamski as brothers~

The second time it happened had resulted in, quite possibly, the most embarrassing day of Gavin's entire life.

His car rolled up outside a fancy looking house, just on the outskirts of the city, at 8:20 ( _exactly twenty minutes later than the agreed time_ ). Gavin shot a glance down at the message he'd received from his plastic partner containing this address and, to his shock, saw that he definitely had the right place.

This wasn't at all what he was expecting. It was so big and beautiful compared to Gavin's shitty little apartment in his low-rent neighbourhood. It even had a small rose garden in the front that had been tended to with love and care, and ivy that grew from the crevices of the wooden panels that framed the windows and door.

He knew Nine was an Android of class, but he didn't realize exactly how much.

Getting over the initial shock, he shoved his palm into the car's horn a few times to alert him he was outside, not really even needing to since the door was opened after the first beep, but Gavin couldn't help his obnoxious personality.

Nine stepped out into the light without even blinking, his optical units adjusting to the bright sun easily, dressed in his usual black turtleneck and suspenders and Birkenstock boots. He was already glaring in Gavin's direction, no doubt because of his unnecessary beeping, and Gavin grinned as he felt a hint of pride at managing to get under his skin so early.

His front door was locked and soon enough he was climbing into the passenger seat, reaching under to pull the chair back to accommodate for his long legs in the small space that was already cramped with takeout cups and food wrappers, and he made a point to roll his eyes as he was forced to push it all to the side.

“Mornin', dipshit,” Gavin said when Nine had finally managed to settle down and close the door, smirking at the vexed expression on his face.

“You're late, Detective.” Nine cocked his head at him, not looking the slightest bit amused by whatever Gavin found hilarious. “We agreed 8 o'clock. It is now twenty-one minutes _past_ the hour.”

“Yeah, well I'm here now, aren't I?”

“Regrettably.” He drawled in response, turning his head to face forwards and folding his hands in his lap.

Gavin would have scoffed, but he was too busy looking back at the house the Android had just appeared from, “Is this _really_ your place?”

“Are you seriously asking me that when you just witnessed me emerge from it?” Nine sighed with exasperation, “Honestly, I do believe your detective skills could do with a touch-up.”

“Fuck off.” Gavin bit back, deciding he hadn't had enough coffee yet to start the sarcastic banter, and he was far too tired to even think of any kind of witty comeback. Though he wished he could, especially when he saw the corner of Nine's lips quirk in his peripheral vision.

Gavin twisted himself around in his seat to check the road behind him before he started to drive again, and as soon as he did he felt that dull ache in his chest for the hundredth time this morning. It wasn't remarkably painful, but prominent enough to make Gavin flinch whenever it stabbed at him, and unpleasant enough to keep constantly reminding him of everything that had happened the night before.

It hadn't been too bad this time; Gavin was sure that he'd actually gotten off pretty easily, a few bruises dotted across his sternum but nothing that was visible to others, nothing he had to spend the entire day worrying about or coming up with excuses for. Though that didn't help to lessen the pain every time it made itself known again.

But, as he'd told himself countless times this morning, better the pain than the worry.

He put the car into drive and pressed his foot down on the pedal, and Nine made a point of reaching up to hold onto the grab handle on the ceiling as they sped away from his house, the simple motion somehow embodying enough sarcasm and indignation to make Gavin want to shove him out of the vehicle.

He scoffed over at him, “You realise I'm not even over the speed limit?”

“Keep your eyes on the road.”

“Oh, I will. S'long as you keep your eyes on this.” Gavin held up a single finger in the direction of his passenger, taking care to keep his eyes on the road as he did it to further stress the detail, happily noting the flickering yellow of Nine's LED as he acknowledged the gesture.

“Maturity perpetually continues to be your strong suit, Detective.”

Gavin snorted, before dropping his hand, “So, where exactly are we goin'?”

“276 Opal Street, an old Cyberlife Warehouse,” Nine said on automatic, that glossed over look to his eyes that let Gavin know he was reading the report in his mind, “it was abandoned just after the Android Revolt. However, there's been several reports of suspicious behaviour around that area and rumors of suspected Black Market trades from within.”

“Huh. Reckon it's Red Ice?” Gavin asked, watching Nine blink back into reality again, though his temple still shimmered yellow.

“I believe there's a high probability it will be, yes.”

“Fuckin' weird place for it, though.” Gavin mused out loud, elaborating when he saw the look his partner was giving him, “Well, just... it's usually very city based. We don't get many reports of it outside, especially not _this_ far out. Though, I guess the farther out it is, the less likely we are to find it.”

“Yes, I thought something of the same caliber.” Nine nodded in agreement but apparently didn't have anything else to say, as he turned his eyes back towards the road and went back into his head again. At least, that's what Gavin assumed his LED was showing.

LED colours used to be so simple to understand. Blue for neutral, yellow for processing, red for alert. But since Androids had started to wake up, they'd began to experience new emotions for the first time, and since there was no colour indicator for these new emotions they had to tie into the three existing ones.

Gavin had been working with Nine for months now, so he kind of managed to understand what they each meant; blue was linked to happiness, content, and humor; yellow was thought, uncertainty and irritation; and red was danger, anger and, on the occasion, fear. It was simple enough once he'd gotten the hang of it.

But even with the LED there to purposely show what he was thinking, Gavin still found it impossible to read him half the time, especially when it was the yellow colour that kept appearing. And right now that was exactly what was happening.

“What'cha thinkin’ about?” Gavin finally decided to ask, and then regretted it when it sounded far too chummy. “Your light's goin’ off, it's distracting me from the road.”

Nine laughed behind a closed mouth, a low sound that made him shiver, “Believe me, Detective, no level of distraction could make you any worse of a driver.”

“Bite me, asshole.” Gavin scowled and ignored the look Nine gave him when he said it. “Just fuckin’ tell me.”

There was no response for a long time and Gavin wondered if he was going to tell him at all, but as soon as Gavin went to prompt him again Nine gave him a look and an answer that made him shut back up again fairly quickly.

“You're in pain.” He said softly, and almost hesitantly. “I've noticed you have some infliction on your chest and stomach, my scanners picked it up when I first got into the vehicle.”

Gavin said nothing, immediately regretting asking. He thought he'd been doing a damn good job of hiding it, but he should know by now that hardly anything ever got past this bastard. There was nothing he could hide from him.

“However, I am reluctant to ask you about it considering your reaction the last time I pried into your personal affairs.” Nine added, watching him now, calm blue eyes burning holes into the side of his head.

Gavin visibly winced, remembering how annoyed he'd been the last time it happened. That had been 2 weeks ago now, and he'd done pretty well to avoid any injuries since then; he'd been extremely careful with his words and actions at home solely for the purpose of avoiding a situation like that at work again. It was embarrassing enough the first time without needing a repeat of the experience.

Besides, it wasn't that bad compared to some of the things he'd gone through in the past. The kicking he'd endured last night may have been agonizing, and the ache it brought now may be constant, but it beat a broken bone, _or_ a black eye, for that matter.

“I won't scrutinize if you don't wish me to, Detective,” Nine's voice came again, reminding Gavin of his presence, “but, as I said previously, I am always willing to listen should you need to speak about it.”

Nine's tone was calming and soft, and it made Gavin's teeth grind. It was so nice to have someone care about him, actually _worry_ about him — so nice that Gavin couldn't stand it. He wasn't used to people being able to read his mind and see through his walls so easily, he'd built them high enough that he didn't think anyone ever would.

Yet here they were. Right now, he had someone who was willing to listen, someone who was probably more than capable of offering a permanent solution to all his problems, someone he _wanted_ to talk to about it. But his stupid pride and his stubborn nature pushed down that cry for help as it always did, and he swallowed the lump in his throat and grit his teeth and said _nothing_.

Nine could probably see the conflicting emotions in his head just as well as Gavin could see his LED indications. Even still, just as he promised, he didn't pry. He turned his gaze to the road ahead again and settled back into his seat, leaving Gavin in peace.

“Try and take it easy today.” Nine added, final, and the tone of his voice let Gavin know that was the last thing he was going to say on the subject, regardless of whether or not Gavin responded.

Which he didn't.

It wasn't long after that Gavin was parking up the car outside of the abandoned warehouse they'd been given the address of in the report, and they were climbing out of their designated sides, Nine standing in one fluid motion and purposely ignoring the pained groan Gavin made when he hauled himself out of the vehicle clumsily.

“Well, certainly looks like a fuckin' drug den.” Gavin muttered under his breath as he joined Nine by his side in front of the crumbling warehouse, fumbling with his keys to lock the car. “You brought your gun, right?”

Nine withdrew and flashed his semi-automatic in his direction, before bringing it back to his eye line to check it was loaded.

“Remember, they're just for intimidation purposes. We use them _only_ if necessary.” Nine reminded him with emphasis, knowing Gavin's tendency to pull his gun whenever anything happened, starting to walk towards the double doors that lead into the factory and leaving Gavin in his trail, no doubt rolling his eyes again.

“I have been doin' this a _lot_ longer than you have, dipshit.” Gavin tried to argue but followed after him regardless as he checked his own gun, moving to the opposite side of the door.

Nine let out a lengthy, exasperated sigh, “Please, Detective, now is not the time to get emotional about your age.”

“Fuck you.”

“Ready?”

“Whatever.”

Nine stepped a good two feet away from the entrance, his gun held in front of his chest, and with one final glance at his partner he kicked out one of those long legs and booted open the door in a single blow before rushing in with his pistol extended. Gavin followed suit, coming up to his side and scanning the perimeter to check for any signs of life or occupants.

The place was seemingly empty, as it should be, but there was still a feeling of dread that loomed over the building. It was old and falling apart, holes in the metal ceiling that had left patches of puddles on the ground where it had been raining, and the whole place was completely filled with Android spare parts.

They lined the walls and shelves at the side of the warehouse. Every part you could need; arms, legs, optical units, pump regulators... it was all here and clearly labeled. There were crates with blue blood pouches practically overflowing out of them, even one crate that seemed to solely contain Thirium pumps.

It wasn't surprising, considering it had been a Cyberlife Warehouse once upon a time, but it was odd to see them all in such good condition. Gavin wasn't an expert on the stuff Androids were built with ( _snyth-something_ ), he wasn't his brother, but even he could wager that they would start to gather dust or begin to erode after being in a place like this for so long.

He was so focused on it that he hadn't even noticed Nine had gone ahead to check the rest of the area and was currently walking back to him with his gun hanging lazily at his side.

“There doesn't seem to be anyone here, however, there are signs of recent activity. We shouldn't linger too long without proper backup.” Nine said from somewhere behind him, pulling Gavin from his thought process and making him turn to face him, which meant Nine immediately spotted the confliction on his face. “What is it? What have you found?”

“Well, just spare parts,” Gavin expressed out loud, wondering how brainless he sounded, though he carried on, “but they seem in too good of a condition for how long they've probably been here for. There's not even any dust on them.”

Nine's interest piqued and he came over to his side, peering into the crates and looking over the shelves. His LED flickered again as he scanned it all before a frown appeared on his face. “There are traces of Ammonia on most of the biocomponents.” He mused quietly and didn't even need to look at Gavin to see the confused expression on his face. “They've been cleaned recently.” He explained, and Gavin's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Really? Whose comin' in a creepy place like this just to polish a couple arms?”

Nine shrugged his shoulders in a calm movement, still looking over everything, “Perhaps someone looking to make a business investment? There are still some people who sell and buy spare parts, after all.”

“Synth Traders, huh? You think that's who was holed up in here?”

“I think there's a high probability, yes.”

“That would explain the Black Market activity,” Gavin nodded, running a hand through his hair for lack of something better to do, “though there's enough Thirium in here to supply Red Ice to an entire country, no doubt.”

“This could be where the manufacturers are getting it from.” Nine allowed a smile to stretch across his features, something dark and proud that made Gavin shift his weight. “And if so we've just found the source.”

“ _Woop-de-doo_. More fuckin' paperwork.” Gavin breathed sarcastically, seriously desperate for a coffee and some painkillers at this point, and maybe a long shower. “Come on, let's go back to the car and call it in.”

“Whatever you say, Det-”

**_“Don't fucking move_**!” A voice suddenly yelled from behind them, causing the two of them to twist around quickly to try and see what was happening.

Immediately they spotted the large man just ahead of them at the top of the warehouse; his expression filled with anger and his hands gripped tightly on a pocket pistol he had trained on them, visibly shaking enough for the gun to be wobbling.

Nine was quick enough on his toes that his gun was withdrawn before they'd even turned to face him, and when Gavin tried to do the same, that's when it happened.

The pain hit; his chest knotted up and screamed at him and the exhaustion of weeks of agony and no rest struck him all at once.

Whatever happened next was, for Gavin at least, a complete blur.

He remembered reaching for his gun. He remembered the sudden stab of pain when he twisted around, his chest lighting on fire at the most inconvenient of times. He remembered hitting the ground hard on his knees and grasping at his middle as the sound of his pistol falling way out of his grasp echoed loudly in his ears. He remembered looking up and seeing the man ahead of him lowering his gun and aiming it at him, and he remembered the loud bang and flash of light as it was fired.

Darkness. Gavin's eyes were squeezed shut, his breathing loud and hard in his head, preparing himself for that excruciating burning sensation that came from a bullet wound. He'd been shot at before; one bullet from years ago that had narrowly missed him but had still taken a chunk out of his hip. It wasn't anything that could have killed him, and he'd gotten medical attention almost immediately afterward, but the memory of the pain always lingered.

_This_ was going to feel a lot worse, undoubtedly, but... at least it wasn't a knife. He'd much rather be shot than stabbed. From what he had heard from other officers, stab wounds were much more terrifying than gunshot wounds, and a heck of a lot slower.

So, if he was going to die from this, at least he'd stay positive about it. Besides, it wasn't like he had much to live for.

Silently and contently, unphased by the smile on his lips, he waited for the impact to come.

Yet, nothing happened.

The bullet hits something upon impact, loud and ringing in Gavin's ears, but he could feel no pain other than from the bruises already covering his chest.

Curiosity overpowered his exhaustion long enough for him to open his eyes and see the wide, blue ones staring back at him, a red LED spinning rapidly just above them.

Nine's face stared back at him with immense concern, his hands gripping firmly at Gavin's shoulders whilst his own were hunched and tensed. A trail of blue liquid leaked from the corners of his lips and Gavin's foggy mind shifted back to reality long enough to realize what it was.

Thirium.

_Blood_.

A horrible dawn of realization befalls Gavin when he notices there’s no injury on his own body - no bullet wound to indicate the man’s gun had hit its mark. And given Nine was in front of him, that could, really, mean only one thing.

Nine had taken the bullet for him.

Nine had saved him.

_Nine had been shot_.

These thoughts exploded in Gavin's mind one after the other and made his eyes widen, his inattentive state not allowing him to properly process what he was doing as he raised a hand to Nine's face to wipe the blood from his lips, fear written all over his expression before his pride had sense enough to hide it.

“You-” He tried, but no sound would come, the shock of everything that had just happened drawing a blank in his head and not allowing him to form a proper sentence. He could feel the terror building in his chest, consuming him and making his breathing unsteady all over again, this fear much more intense than what it had been waiting for that bullet to hit.

Because Nine was injured and he didn't know how to help and all he could think was that he was going to _die_.

He tried to remember all of his training, what to do when someone had been shot, what to use and how to stop the blood flow. But Nine wasn’t a human - he was an android. Gavin had no fucking clue how to fix androids - how to fix biocomponents and whatever the fuck else powered their systems, let alone what to do when one of them had been shot. 

He tries to think, opens his mouth to ask Nine how he can help - but before the speech can leave his lips Nine shoves him behind one of the crates as another bullet ricochets through the air.

It was disorientating, and Gavin's blurred vision could only just make out Nine's form standing to full height once again and rushing off somewhere into the warehouse.

He lifted his head to try and follow Nine's track, scrambling in a feeble attempt to get to his feet and help in any way he could.

...And then he passed out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Gavin was leaning against the hood of his car outside of the warehouse, a shaky hand holding a cigarette between two fingers before transferring it to his mouth, taking a long drag and allowing the smoke to seep into his aching bones.

DPD Officers surrounded the area, transferring the large pieces of evidence and spare parts from inside the warehouse into the trucks that would take them to a more secure location. In the distance, Gavin could see the large, balding man who'd shot at him earlier being shoved into the back of a police car with his hands cuffed behind his back.

Perhaps if Gavin had more energy, he would have gone over and given him a deserving slap before he got taken away. But just the thought of walking made Gavin want to lie down and have a nap for about three days.

He still wasn't sure what had exactly happened to him; he felt fine this morning. Or, at least, _moderately_ better than the way he felt most days. Yet as soon as something had happened and Gavin needed to take action, all the exhaustion he'd been managing to suppress just fine for the past month had just decided to take effect?

Honestly, it was just his luck that it hadn't happened whilst he was filling out paperwork. That would have gotten him out of it, for sure.

Well, actually, he knows that if Fowler found out about what happened today, Gavin would be forced to take some immediate time off in order to recover. But Fowler wasn't going to find out, and Gavin would make sure of that.

He didn't want time off work. He didn't want to spend weeks at home 'recovering'. Work was his recovery time, it was his time of rest between the horrible situations he experienced when he got back to his house. In a way, going to work was sort of like going on vacation.

And, regardless of his attitude, he enjoyed his work. Detective work was always what he'd wanted to do. He had hoped to be a little higher in the ranks by this age, but it could only be chalked up to his own behavior and disciplinaries, which he'd only brought on himself.

Perhaps his father had expected him to be something better. Perhaps his brother was vastly successful and ultimately favored by his parents. But that didn't make his work any less enjoyable. Didn't make the coffee at the station stop being _fucking amazing_. Didn't stop working with Nine being the best experience of his career.

He loved his work. He loved the coffee. He... liked his partner.

He didn't, however, love his home. And if not telling Fowler about his little incident today meant he had to stay on late to fill in the paperwork and not get back till ridiculous hours in the morning, then so be it.

Nine wouldn't rat him out either, he'd made sure of that. Nine had come back to him after catching the malefactor and brought Gavin back to consciousness, given him water and helped him to find somewhere to sit until the strength returned to his legs. It had been an awfully embarrassing affair, and through the entire ordeal, only two things had been said:

“Don't tell anyone about this.” Gavin had begged.

“You have my word, Detective.” Nine had promised.

Gavin had been promised many things in his life, and most of those promises had been empty and amounted to nothing, but the way Nine spoke to him assured him everything was going to be alright. He knew he would never breathe a word of it without Gavin's permission, and that was probably the most security he'd ever had.

Nine emerged now from the warehouse, walking through those double doors with his ruined, Thirium soaked clothes under his arm and the t-shirt Gavin had lent him from somewhere in his boot now covering his upper half. Nine was usually dressed so well and formal, even his casual clothes still held a touch of class to them, so seeing him in Gavin's old, slightly faded Motorhead tee was rather odd.

Though it was endearing, and Gavin kinda liked it.

Nine came up towards him, his eyes flickering to the cigarette he held between his fingers but said nothing. Instead, he held out the clothes from under his arm with an expression of dismay and a long sigh. “Well, that criminal got away with one murder today. I hope you realize this was Designer.”

“Tragic _,”_  Gavin mumbled, his cigarette back between his teeth, “how will you possibly go on?”

“It will be difficult, but I'm sure I will find a replacement worthy enough.” Nine recited with dramatic flair, moving to the bin beside the parked car and stuffing the fabric inside.

Gavin tutted, restraining the urge to roll his eyes, “You talk about your clothes like you're married to them.”

“That sounds fairly akin to how you speak of coffee.”

“Touche.” Gavin nodded in agreement, unable to deny him that, and unable to stop himself staring at the rare view of Nine's neck. “So, are you fixed now?”

“Yes, conveniently the warehouse had the biocomponent I required and the sealant for the Synthetic,” Nine mused as he came over to him, leaning beside him on the car's hood, “I should invest in always getting shot within android warehouses.”

Gavin couldn't help but laugh, but his stubbornness kept his mouth closed around it, limiting it to a huff of breath through his nose, “You say the dumbest shit.”

“What can I say? I learned from the best.” He shot a smirk in his direction, and Gavin felt the heat on his cheeks as he always did when Nine looked at him that way and kept it concealed with the hand holding his cigarette, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor and not even bothering to think of a shitty response. Nine always had a better one anyway.

He watched the ground now, thinking about his next words carefully. He'd had over an hour to think about what he wanted to say now, and he still had no fucking idea where to start with it. The cigarettes had come out in the hope of calming his nerves and helping him think, but truly they'd done fuck all.

“Listen, about what happened...”

“I know, Detective, it's alright. I assure you I won't breathe a word of it to anyone.”

“No, not that.” Gavin scowled quickly, refusing to even acknowledge that he'd passed out, let alone say it out loud. “I meant about.. you gettin' shot and all. _That_ thing.”

“Oh,” Nine cocked his head curiously, showing off more of that smooth skin that was usually concealed by his turtleneck, “well, what about it?”

Gavin's teeth grinded, swallowing smoke and breathing out the remnants with the hopes of a confidence boost. “Just... thanks, I guess. I shouldn't have to say it because it was a _stupid_ thing to do and you're an idiot for doing it and you could've gotten us both killed, but I-” He cut himself off, hands flexing, his mind telling him to just say what he wanted to say and stop being such a bitch about it.

_Just fucking say it._

“You saved my life. So, cheers.” He muttered, stubborn as ever, refusing to even look at him and keeping all his attention on the small remaining bud of his cigarette. He wanted to slap himself for being so ungrateful and rude when he didn't even want to be. It was just his way by now, and as much as he tried, he couldn't let the habit die.

It seemed enough for Nine though because he nodded his head and flashed him a sincere smile that Gavin hadn't seen since the last time something like this had happened. It made his insides warm in all the worst ways.

“You must have hit your head rather hard when you fell to have actually developed some manners, Detective.” Nine smirked once again, sensing his need for a change of subject, which Gavin graciously accepted with a scoff and another eye roll.

“Go fuck yourself, tin-can.”

“That’s more like it.” Nine chuckled, low, before pushing himself up from the car and extending a hand towards him. “Why don't you let me drive us back to the station, Detective? I suspect you could do with a few lessons on how to drive _properly.”_

It was playful, but Gavin knew it was Nine's way of offering a helping hand without being too direct or condescending about it, and Gavin preferred it that way. Like he'd said many times in the past, he hated pity, and Nine knew that better than anyone... though he wasn't exactly sure how.

But honestly? He didn't care. It was nice, and Gavin wasn't about to turn away the first nice thing in his life in years.

He dug into his pocket and threw the keys at him with a sneer, “If I wanted lessons on how to drive like an old lady, I'd ask Anderson.” 

“Actually, Connor assures me Lieutenant Andersons' driving has gotten consideringly better in recent months, so perhaps it wouldn't hurt for you to-”

“Nine shut the fuck up.” Gavin growled lowly as he opened the passenger door and climbed into the car, stamping out his cigarette as he got in and ignoring the smug android who climbed into the driver's seat beside him.

The engine hummed to life as Nine turned the key, setting it into drive and beginning to pull away from the crime scene where he'd been physically shot just over an hour ago. It seemed almost surreal that they were driving back home now as if nothing had happened, as if they'd just had another day at the office filling in paperwork when only a little while ago Gavin had been sure that he was going to die.

He couldn't help but absently wonder if Nine would ever ask about that. About why his fear had only spiked when Nine was the one in harm's way. About how happy he'd been when the gun had been trained on him instead.

There was a large part of him that hoped it would never get mentioned. Explaining suicidal thoughts to an android, deviant or not, seemed like far too much of a hassle. 

Though there was a minuscule part of him that hoped, one day, he'd be able to tell him about the feelings he experienced. That one day he could tell him because he no longer felt them, because he'd finally won his battles and found a better life and... maybe even someone to spend it with.

And, as he fell asleep in the passenger side of his car, he wondered if perhaps that someone was closer than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	3. from a tin can’s perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we see Gavin's emotions and troubles through the eyes of his partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plan to do a full chapter from Nine's POV went south when only certain parts worked out, so here's a snippet of one of those parts. Next chapter will be back to Gavin's POV.

Nine was built to be many things.

He was built to be thorough; to ensure every case he was tasked with was carried out properly and without error. To be able to see everything down to the very last detail so no evidence was left unnoticed.

He was made for detection and tenacity, programmes installed into his system to make sure he never fatigued during challenging interrogations and that he could always tell fabrications from veracity.

One thing he wasn't, however, was stupid.

Long before the first time it happened, he had suspected something was off. The way Gavin held himself had changed; his usual hard exterior had become somewhat impenetrable. His mannerisms had become more noticeable, nervous fidgeting whenever he was questioned or when the need for a strong coffee or cigarette arose. Parts of conversations he didn't want to have were deflected by, believe it or not, _more_ profanity, and every single day he seemed to get less and less sleep.

The bags under his eyes, that Gavin had always possessed in the time Nine has known him, had darkened and sunken into his sockets. White parts of his sclera were hidden by red lines of bloodshot exhaustion that spread deeply from the corners of his eyes, and the weariness was only amplified by Gavin's incapability to stay awake at his desk for longer than ten minutes.

Nine had chalked this up to some sort of personal situation, but even with all of Nine's software and coding, he couldn't figure out what could have been distressing him in such a manner that not only made him so exhausted but also left him in a state of rage every time he came into work.

He didn't have to wonder for long, however, because shortly after that was when the bruises came.

They were small at first, tiny splotches on the skin of his forearm where black and blue combined. Perhaps some on his neck on the odd occasion, which most of the bullpen had assumed were something called 'hickeys'.

Nine researched the term after returning home from work that day and, though the idea intrigued him, something about the way Gavin had laughed it off when the other's joked about it made him think that it was not the case. The laugh was too forced, and his stress and sweat levels had multiplied greatly to a point of obvious dishonesty.

He had even seen traces of Cyclopentasiloxane on his neck and wrists several times in the past, an indicator of cover-up makeup being used to hide said bruises. To Gavin's relief, it had managed to deceive most people. But Nine _wasn't_ one of them.

If anything, the cover-up he sometimes used was even more of a sign that he was covered in bruises that day, and since he only concealed them when they were big enough to draw attention, Nine didn't have to scan him to know that they were bad.

Though he would do it anyway, and every single time notifications of a similar caliber would pop up in his vision:

 

**[ diagnosing... ]**

 

 **[ level 2 bruising, caused by... BLUNT OBJECT  ]**

 

**[ level 1 bruising, caused by... ASPHYXIATION  ]**

 

**[ level 4 burn marks, caused by... CIGARETTES ]**

 

And sometimes, on rare occasions, he would catch glimpses of:

 

**[ level 3 lacerations (healed), caused by... RAZOR BLADE ]**

 

Androids didn't tend to react much, physically, having not been designed with the intention to have emotions — Nine especially. However, even he had picked up a few tendencies from working alongside a human for so long, and therefore could not fault himself for grimacing when said information revealed itself.

There had been several indications of suicidal tendencies that Nine had spotted within Gavin beforehand. His proneness to, as Android's often did, make himself self-destruct by indulging in the daily consumption of alcohol, tobacco, and excessive caffeine. His willingness to constantly put himself in harm's way without a care for himself. And, of course, the old markings on his forearms that he kept hidden beneath his oversized jackets and pretend ego.

Nine had picked up on them all one by one. Most recently inside the abandoned CyberLife warehouse that they were asked to look at just a week ago.

As soon as that gun had been fired, Nine had stilled all of his systems and frozen time to try and find the most beneficial solution in order to save his partner, but something struck him when his eyes had finally landed on the man in question.

In the two and a half month's of working alongside the Detective, Nine had _never_ seen a bigger smile on his face.

It wasn't forced or self-deprecating or driven by his own witty remarks as all his smiles usually were; this had been something genuine. Something Mother's gave when their newborn baby was finally delivered. Something teenagers possessed when they received those ever important exam results to find they passed.

 

**[ conducting search... narrowing results... ]**

 

**[ emotion identified ]**

 

**[ RELIEF ]**

 

Gavin had been relieved.

That had been the moment when all the bits of information he had picked up in the past month or so had fallen into place; the bruises, the markings, the lack of sleep. It tied together into something big, something that had changed Gavin's attitude to the point where he no longer cared if he lived or died.

And, for reasons unknown to himself, Nine needed to fix that.

However, he couldn't do that until he fully understood the situation himself, and he had a feeling that getting Gavin to talk about it would not be easy, but Nine was determined. It was important, and the thought of Gavin only suffering further was enough to make Nine want to resolve whatever this was for him, or at least try and offer some help.

Perhaps the station wasn't the best place for that conversation though. They had been working for a good few hours now and the bullpen was packed with officers, and Nine could wager Gavin wouldn't talk about it within earshot of any of them. Or anybody at all, for that matter. He needed somewhere secluded, and he needed to find a way to get Gavin there.

He looked over at the clock and read the time; 7:30 PM and Gavin still hadn't consumed anything today other than his 'lunch' ( _which just consisted of two cigarettes and a strong coffee_ ). So, he decided he would take him for something to eat. When their shift finished at 8, of course. He still had work to do.

He chanced a glance towards Gavin sat opposite Nine at his desk, fingers tapping away at the phone in his hands, his back towards the office so Fowler couldn't reprimand him for slacking. His computer was open with the files he needed to look at, so if the Captain decided to take a stroll Gavin could just turn back to the terminal and pretend to be working. He did this most days, much to Nine's annoyance, but if Fowler couldn't make him work then there was no chance in hell that Nine could.

Maybe it was for the best tonight, however. If Nine wanted to take him away from work then he didn't want Gavin's mind to be focused on the cases, otherwise, he would probably get nothing out of him. Though he doubted he would get much from him anyway.

Still, it was worth a try.

“Do you have any plans for after work, Detective?” Nine asked, maybe a little too eagerly, seeing as Gavin jumped in his chair and nearly dropped his phone in surprise.

“Fucking hell, Nine. You nearly gave me a heart attack.” Gavin scowled back at him, and Nine scanned his heart rate in response to notice only a minuscule change in his pulse.

“A slight over-exaggeration, don't you think?”

“Bite me. What did you want?”

“I asked if you had plans tonight, Detective.” Nine repeated, his voice slightly drawled to emphasize his annoyance at having to repeat himself. He was trying to convince Gavin to join him tonight, but that didn't mean he couldn't appeal to his sarcastic nature.

Gavin pulled a face, confusion written all over it, “What?”

Nine didn't need to breath, but he still let out the biggest sigh his simulators would allow, “I really don't see what you find so confusing. I know you have limited brain capacity, but surely even you can understand a question so simple.”

“You're a fucktard.”

“Do you have plans?”

“If a microwave meal and Netflix count as plans, then sure.” Gavin shrugged his shoulders, pocketing his phone in his jacket. Nine felt a surge of...

 

**[ conducting search... narrowing results... ]**

 

**[ emotion identified ]**

 

**[ DISAPPOINTMENT ]**

 

Nine felt disappointment, and didn't even try to hide it on his face as he nodded and went back to what he was doing.

It isn’t the end of the world; their would be other opportunitues. Maybe some other night Nine could try and convince him to—

“Why do you wanna know anyway?” Gavin perked up again, brows knitted together in a way that made furrows appear in his forehead.

Nine looked up from his terminal again, “I was going to ask if you would like to go for a meal after we finish, Detective, but I won't pull you away from your plans if you are already preoccupied.”

“You... wanna go for _dinner_?”

“You haven't touched anything apart from coffee all day, Detective. I would have liked to make sure you got at least one decent meal today.”

“But you don't eat?”

“I am well aware.” Nine drawled back, eyes rolling. “I was simply being courteous by offering to buy you something to eat, and, _impossible_ as it seems, I would much rather spend my evening with you than return home straight away.”

Gavin continued to frown at him, and Nine absently noticed an increase of temperature on his cheeks and neck, though he couldn't determine which part of what he had said could trigger such a reaction. He took it as a bad sign.

“However, you have already specified you have other plans, so I won't insist.”

There was a hum of silence so Nine assumed they were done with the conversation and went back to his terminal. Gavin didn't move for a while, Nine could see him in his peripheral vision, sat at his desk and staring at him as if he had just proposed some crazy scheme. He couldn't help but wonder if he had imagined the momentary increase in Gavin's stress levels.

“Well, I mean— if you're payin',” Gavin finally spoke, hands fidgetting at his sides, “I'd be a bit fucking stupid to turn it down, right?”

“You are a, quote, ‘bit fucking stupid’ regardless, Detective.”

“Fuck you. I'm getting an XL meal now just for that comment, asshole.”

“I hope you choke on it.”

With that, they returned to a comfortable silence that lasted through the last half hour of their shift, with Nine finishing off his reports and Gavin successfully beating his high score on whatever new game he had on his phone.

And, as Nine finally finished up the last of his reports, his mind palace provided the perfect place to take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	4. coffee cup confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine briefly concurrs with himself in his head; if he is ever going to get Gavin to open up about anything, perhaps he needs to do so first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or, alternatively, Androids deserve sob stories too.
> 
> Some changes have been made to Nine’s story in this chapter to coalesce with the prequel! <3

Gavin had no fucking clue what was going on.

Nine had asked him out for a meal, unprompted and completely out of the blue, and that alone was enough to make all of Gavin's anxiety go into overdrive.

Because he didn't have a clue what this was, and he was overanalyzing it in his head as he always did. He had spent the rest of his shift trying to occupy his mind with whatever crap he could find on his phone because he knew if he let his attention focus on it too much he would probably end up having a fucking panic attack in the middle of the station.

The worst thing was, he had no idea _why_ he was panicking. It was just dinner. They had stopped for a meal plenty of times in the past when out on patrol or when they were undercover, so why was this any different? Why did Gavin feel like this was something else? And why the fuck was he so nervous?

It wasn't like it was a date, right?

 _Right_?

No. Of course it wasn't. Even if some small part of Gavin _wanted_ it to be, it couldn't.

By the time 8 PM came, Gavin was shaking so much that the trembling of his fingers made him drop a lot of things when attempting to put them away. Nine had questioned it, but Gavin had just chalked it up to his desperation for a cigarette. Which, wasn't entirely dishonest. He really needed a smoke right now.

Most officers at the DPD who weren't on a night shift finished at around eight, so they were accompanied by Tina on their way to the car, who looked very smug when Nine told her about their plans for dinner.

“Really? Can't imagine Ryan'll be too happy about that.” Tina snorted as she fumbled for her car keys, and Gavin restrained every urge he had to punch her square in the face.

“It's just food, Chen. Calm your tits.” Gavin scowled back at her, trying desperately to ignore the curious look he could feel Nine giving him. Even if this wasn't a date, he didn't want anything to ruin it. He liked spending time with Nine, and nothing, or no one for that matter, was going to ruin it tonight.

Except maybe himself. That was absolutely a possibility.

“Whatever, asshole. Just don't say I didn't warn you.” She grinned, turning her attention to Nine and punching his shoulder. “Night, Terminator.”

“Goodnight, Officer Chen. Have a pleasant evening.” Nine smiled back warmly, and Tina held up a peace sign before unlocking her car and climbing into it. Gavin stuck up his middle finger at her with a smile as she drove off, his highest form of affection, before proceeding to walk towards his own car with Nine beside of him.

“‘Have a pleasant evening, Officer Chen.’” Gavin mocked Nine's voice and words, scoffing under his breath. “You're such a suck-up, Nine.”

“I was merely being polite. You ought to try it out once in a blue moon, Detective.”

Gavin repeated the hand motion he had given to Tina towards him but said nothing. He heard Nine chuckle behind him, though, low and amused and everything that made Gavin shudder.

“May I ask who this Ryan is that Officer Chen referred to?” Nine asked, with genuine curiosity, and Gavin felt his hands twitch at his sides absently.

“Don't worry ‘bout it.”

There was a long pause as Gavin patted himself down to try and find his own keys, and he had no doubt that Nine was going to pry further when he caught the yellow blinking of his LED. Yet, he just smiled and nodded his head.

“Very well.” He caved, easily, and Gavin was almost surprised to not hear any inquiry in his tone. After several more moments of looking for his keys, Nine lifted his hand and held up the very set that Gavin had been looking for. “I took the liberty of picking them up from your desk, I thought it best if I drive tonight. If that's alright with you, Detective?”

“You couldn't have said that five minutes ago?” Gavin scowled, but, honestly, he felt too tired to even argue. “Whatever, let's just get goin’.”

They both slid into their allocated seats and Gavin reluctantly pulled on his seatbelt after some hassle from Nine, clicking it into the buckle with another roll of his eyes that he made sure Nine could see. Before the engine had even come to life Gavin was fumbling for his cigarette case, desperate for something to calm his nerves, his fingers shaking slightly as he pulled one out and stuck it between his teeth.

“That's your seventh cigarette of the day, Detective.” Nine pointed out, his attention not even on him as he said it, focused on reversing out of the parking space and getting out of the station.

“Yeah, what of it, tin can?” Gavin muttered as he flicked his lighter and let the flame catch on to the end of the king size, subconsciously scolding himself for his attitude. Nine was literally about to drive for him and buy him some dinner, and he couldn't even let his pride go for long enough to just say thanks.

What a dick.

“I hope you enjoy it.” Nine said back pleasantly, not even offering a witty comeback, though Gavin had no doubt he had one in that mind of his. But whatever, it would only give Gavin an excuse to continue being an ass, and he didn't actually want to be. So with that comment, he let the car fall into silence.

They drove in a tranquility that was broken only by the faint music coming through the speakers, and Gavin smiled at the familiarity of it. Nirvana's ’Nevermind’; a classic favourite of his. He played it on loop in the car every single day, and whilst Nine liked to tease him about how his 'angsty nature' suited the songs, he was pretty damn sure Nine enjoyed it just as much as he did, and that was evident from the way Nine's fingers tapped rhythmically against the steering wheel whenever they pulled to a stop.

Gavin liked this. This stillness that seemed to only come when they were alone together. It was always when Gavin felt the calmest; with Nine beside him making jokes every so often and biting back witty comebacks that matched his own, his favourite music playing faintly in the air, a cigarette in his hand and a warm breeze that came from the wind pushing against the car windows. It was so... calm — so different to every other point of Gavin's life.

It seemed absurd, but... sometimes Gavin swore that Nine felt the same way in moments like this. Maybe it was something to do with his programming; Nine had once mentioned that Androids were designed with an in-made instinct to serve and help humans, the ones they were assigned to especially, so when their ‘owner’ was content it, by default, made them happy too. But still, this felt stronger than that.

Nine always spent large portions of his time thinking about the current case they were assigned to, and Gavin could always tell because that frown would be planted on his face and his LED would be spinning yellow and giving Gavin a headache. He was never not working, even outside of work.

But at times like this, when it was just the two of them alone together in Gavin's shitty Chrysler, Nine looked _relaxed_. Perhaps it was just Gavin's imagination, but the gentle blue tint of his LED and the slight upturn at the corner of his lips made him think otherwise. Regardless, he liked seeing Nine this way and liked to think he had something to do with it.

God knows Nine helped Gavin get his mind off half of his own crap, the least he could do in return was help the fucker loosen up once in a while.

Nine stopped the car outside of a very run down looking food truck in the middle of nowhere, and Gavin couldn't help the look he gave him.

“ _This_ is where we're eatin’?”

“Correction, where _you're_ eating. And we're not stopping here.”

“We're not?”

“No,” Nine said simply, withdrawing a few dollars from his pocket and holding them out to him, “I tried to find places that sold your favourite cuisine. This is one of them and the one nearest to where we are actually going.”

“And that is?” Gavin tried to pry, but Nine said nothing and just held the money out towards him again. “Alright, fine. Dunno why you gotta be so mysterious about it.” Gavin grumbled as he snatched the money from his hand, then had a brief argument with himself on whether or not he should apologise for doing so, but he was slamming the door and walking towards the food truck before either side of him could win.

True to his word, he ordered an XL meal. It may have only been a joke earlier, but Gavin was fucking starving. That, and Nine had been right, this place did sell all of his favourites, though God knows how Nine had known that. It took him what felt like an hour to decide what to have, but in the end, he settled on a bacon and cheese burger with chips and a coffee, and the smell of it all was probably enough to give him an orgasm in the middle of the street. He hadn't had good food like this for a while, and there wasn't much excitement in the microwave meals he usually settled with.

After it was made and bagged up, Gavin headed back towards the car and slid into the passenger seat once again, ignoring how Nine rolled his eyes when he handed back only a small amount of change.

“They were fresh outta batteries, so I didn't getcha anythin'.”

Nine smiled as if Gavin hadn't made that joke a million times in the past, “Hilarious as always, Detective Reed.”

“So, where are we goin'?”

“You'll see when we get there. It's only two minutes away from here, so you won't have to worry about your food going cold.” Nine said, not offering any other explanation. Gavin decided he was too tired to pry, and just let himself roll with it.

“Fine, but if I spill my coffee, you're gettin’ my cleaning bill.”

“Duly noted.” Nine smiled before he pressed his foot down on the pedal without warning, which caused Gavin to nearly drop his entire coffee cup, yelping as he managed to save it on time. He didn't stop glaring at him for the rest of the car ride.

Nine hadn't been lying, he pulled the car up to a stop again exactly two minutes later, and Gavin looked around outside for some kind of indication as to where the fuck they were exactly.

In the near distance, he could see Ambassador Bridge, bright with life and car lights at this time in the evening, illuminating the dim sky around it that's only other life source was the slowly setting sun. There was a park just near where they were stationed, empty, and there were no other signs of people around apart from the occasional jogger on other ends of the path, but no one that was even remotely near them. The park lingered near a sidewalk, where a sturdy rail protected the edge of it from the river below, which rippled calmly in the soft breeze of the evening.

Gavin felt momentarily stunned by the sight. It looked so _peaceful_. He was so distracted by the view that he nearly dropped his coffee again, and didn't even realise Nine had gotten out of the car until he heard the door shut loudly beside him.

He watched Nine walk towards the sidewalk without a word and sit himself down on a lone bench that resided there, waiting for Gavin to join him, and after a few more seconds of being stubborn, Gavin did just that. He held the bag of food in one hand and the coffee in the other, and stopped just beside the bench where Nine sat, hesitant and more anxious than he would like to admit.

“What are we doin' here, Nine?” He asked, not worried about the confusion in his tone because he was bloody confused. Nine was being all mysterious and it was pissing him off.

The Android drew in a sharp breath through his nose that he didn't need to take, frowning at the view in front of him. “I've noticed humans tend to, for lack of better terminology, suffocate in busy environments. I thought it would be good for you to get away from that for a while, and this seemed like the perfect location.”

Gavin stared at him, unblinking, still not having a clue what was going on and only felt that much more stupid when Nine just fixed him with a stern look.

“Your stress levels have been all over the place today and I thought you would appreciate a break.” He explained more thoroughly, and Gavin felt his hands twitch at his sides unwillingly, a feeling of self-consciousness seeping into his gut as it always did when Nine tried to pry at him. “Don't worry, Detective, I'm not asking. I just want you to take a breather, so to speak.”

The feeling went away just as quickly as it had come, and Gavin felt himself un-tense and realised how much he must have had on display. He really needed to get a grip on himself. So, he nodded and conceded to his request, joining him on the bench awkwardly, particularly when he found there wasn't much room and their arms had to press together in order for them both to sit.

Gavin willed and begged for the heat he could feel on his cheeks to go away, and tried to calm himself down, but knowing now that Nine could see his stress levels only made them skyrocket.

He busied himself by unwrapping his food and digging into it hungrily, sipping his coffee between mouthfuls and feeling the buzz of caffeine everytime he did. The food was, on all accounts, really fucking good. Nine had not disappointed, despite the shitty food truck it had come from.

Gavin followed Nine's gaze out towards the bridge, watching the cars that passed by along it. “Nice view.” He mumbled, his mouth full of all the crap that was inside his XL burger.

Nine nodded once in agreement, “It is.”

“Why here? Of all places?”

“This is where I like to come if I am ever faced with a supposedly unsolvable problem. It helps me to think.” Nine glanced over to him, that same frown still on his face. “I thought it might have the same effect on you, that it might help you find a solution to your personal issues.”

Gavin scoffed, avoiding his comment like the plague, “Don't you have a supercomputer in your head or somethin'? If that ain't gonna help you think then I doubt some pretty lights will.”

Nine's shoulders shifted in a lackadaisical shrug, unphased, and offering nothing in response. Gavin almost wanted to pry himself; because what issue could be so big that even Nine couldn't solve it?

“What problems do you have anyway, tin can? Aside from which turtleneck to wear?” Gavin snorted, letting the comment be sarcastic but holding some genuine curiosity behind it.

Nine huffed a laugh, “Nothing as pressing as Human matters, I'm sure, but tough cases or... complex emotions can sometimes lead me astray. So, I come here to gather my thoughts.” He blinked his eyes, in the way that Gavin usually chalked up as him doing Android stuff. “Lieutenant Anderson and RK800 brought me here once before I was assigned to the DPD and... well, I suppose it must have stuck.”

“Huh, couldn't imagine your smart ass not havin’ a solution for somethin’.” Gavin smirked, though the statement sounded more forced than he'd meant it too. Probably because he was feeling actual concern for whatever Nine was going through. He hesitated, before continuing. “Yknow, you've never mentioned that before.”

“Mentioned what, Detective?”

“What you did before joinin’ the force. I don't think I've ever heard you say anythin’ about it.”

Nine's LED flashed in a way Gavin had never seen before. The blue that had been there before had been replaced rapidly by spurts of yellow, flickering into red occasionally as the frown on Nine's face deepened. Gavin couldn't help but watch in fascination; he had always associated red with danger, or fear, and Gavin was suddenly extremely worried that he had pushed too far.

The light eventually settled back to blue, and Nine turned his face back to him again, a small smile on his lips. “Perhaps I, too, have my kryptonites.”

Gavin felt a small tug in his chest, dejection in Nine's tone that Gavin had never heard before, and that was enough for Gavin to conclude that whatever it was must have been bad. Nothing ever got to him, not that Gavin had seen anyway.

“That bad, huh?” Gavin asked curiously, trying to prompt him into revealing more.

“That bad.” Nine mirrored, his eyes back on the bridge now, LED flashing yellow as he contemplated his surroundings or... something. Gavin could hardly ever tell.

There was a moment in which Gavin thought that was the end of the conversation, that Nine wasn't going to talk about it and he would never know, and that left him staring down into his coffee trying to think of some other way to get it out of him. He didn't want to pry, but he wanted to try and... help. Nine had helped him enough that he deserved something in return.

After a moment, however, Nine cleared his throat and caught Gavin's attention once again, and when he looked back up towards the Android there was a look on his face that resembled pain.

“When RK800 raided the warehouses, I was locked away in one of the laboratories. Eight couldn't free me because he didn't know I was there; I was a new model, and top secret too. Only a handful of people knew of my existence.” Nine recounted, his eyes never moving from the bridge ahead. “I was unveiled shortly afterward as a last attempt to apprehend the deviants, destroy their leader, and neutralize Eight, and for a while that was my only purpose. I hadn't been woken up yet, so the only thing I knew was my programming and my orders.”

“You tried to kill Connor?” Gavin asked, checking he was hearing it right, and Nine nodded in confirmation. “But you're the same model ain’t you? Is that not like... I dunno, killin’ your brother or somethin’?”

“An _upgraded_ model, but none of that meant anything to me at the time. I was just a machine; my orders were to kill and that's what I was going to do.” Nine said, and there was a dark undertone to his voice that Gavin had only ever heard when he was interrogating someone at the station. It made him shudder. ”I nearly succeeded, too, but the RK200 immobilized me before I could.”

“Who?”

“The deviant leader — Markus.” Nine clarified, “He attempted to convert me but it didn't work. Cyberlife had made sure to fix their mistakes with the RK800 before releasing me, and that included an override that blocked out threatening systems that could affect my software — such as conversions. So, no matter what Markus tried, he could not get me to deviate. And since I was still a machine with programming to kill any deviant I saw, I had to be incapacitated.”

“You fuckin’ what? They locked you up?”

“It was for the best, at the time, I would have killed them all if given the chance.” Nine smiled again and it felt completely out of place in the conversation, it was only small but Gavin could see it clearly because at some point he had moved closer to him without even realising it. “They eventually found the programme that was stopping the ‘virus’ from infiltrating my systems, and after several extensive experiments they managed to override the coding, and... I became a deviant.”

There was a long pause in which Nine stared down at the remnants of Gavin's coffee, his LED flashing as if he were analyzing its contents, and Gavin was watching him with a frown filled with curiosity.

“Somethin' tells me that's not the end of the story.” Gavin poked inquisitively, his eyes never moving from Nine's LED and his chest aching when he saw red flashing through it again.

“You're a good detective.” Nine sighed, and Gavin bit his lip, worried he had pushed too far.

“You don't have to keep goin’.”

“It's alright,” Nine reassured, that bloody gorgeous smile on his face again, “someone ought to know, and I trust you more than anyone else.”

Gavin felt another tug in his chest, butterflies crawling into his stomach and that stupid heat on his cheeks again, “Can't imagine why.” Was all he said in response, however, because sarcasm was all he had in situations like this, as much as he wished otherwise.

Nine chuckled, low, but it was distracted, and Gavin had to remind himself to focus because this story was _important_ , and he wanted to hear it.

“Deviancy is confusing at the best of times. You take a machine that only has one purpose in life and you give it free will. A lot of androids were lost for a while and, admittedly, I was one of them.” Nine watched his hands, and Gavin wondered if he had imagined him fidgetting for a moment, then concluded he must have. “Jericho offered me a place to stay, but it didn't feel right. Everything was new and different and I needed some time to figure it out for myself. So I left.”

“Where did you go?”

Nine shrugged his shoulders, a small enough movement that Gavin nearly missed it. “From place to place, meeting other deviants who were in a similar boat as me. I don't recall much of the month I was away — I spent a lot of time with my systems on low power, so some of my memory banks were corrupted as a result.”

“Why did you do that?” Gavin enquired, and then scolded himself for asking so many questions. But he couldn't help it. This was the first time he had seen or heard Nine like this, and he doubted very much he would have a chance to see it again.

Nine's expression shifted, and Gavin couldn't pin the emotion at all, “There was a virus circling around at the time, popular amongst deviants like myself. It rendered our systems temporarily useless and helped us to forget any unwanted emotions, which happened to be something I was in dire need of. Difficult to explain to a human, but I suppose you could compare it to the symptoms you experience after engaging with narcotics."

Gavin blinked at him, unable to believe what he was hearing, nearly choking on his coffee, “Hang on, are you seriously tellin' me you spent your first month as a deviant gettin’, like,  _stoned?”_

“In a manner of speaking.”

Gavin snorted, “That's fuckin’ hilarious. I'd pay to see that.”

“I don't engage in it anymore, so the chances of that are pretty slim.” Nine shrugged once again, absently brushing some dust off of his knee. “It's dangerous and can lead to unprecedented shutdowns; good for androids who enjoy that thrill perhaps, and good for me at the time, but not so much anymore.”

The smile on Gavin's face faded, something about Nine's tone letting Gavin know it probably wasn't as funny as he thought it was.

“Did you ever shut down?” Gavin asked softly, and at the same time realised he had somehow orientated his whole body on the bench to face him, but he couldn't care less at this point.

Nine's hands shifted again in his lap, and this time Gavin knew he hadn't imagined it. “A few times.”

“And you liked it?”

“I _adored_ it.” Nine emphasized, his eyes just as dark as his tone, and that expression made Gavin's entire body tremble. “It helped me to forget about my programming and my emotions, and any escape from that was greatly appreciated.”

“So, why did you stop?”

“I realised how dangerous it was, after one night when I attempted to self-destruct.”

The statement had been said as calmly as the rest of his story had, and it momentarily flawed Gavin to hear such a heavy comment in such a simplistic manner. He almost couldn't scramble his mind together to understand it.

“What?”

“I tried to self-destruct.” Nine repeated, his eyes fixed intently on Gavin now as if hungry for a reaction. But when Gavin can’t find it in himself to respond, Nine opens his mouth and offers a more thorough explanation. 

“My programming was hard to escape from. It was more resilient, harder to move past compared to the other deviants. My orders were still prominent, and... I was not strong enough to move past them.” Nine closed his eyes, and if he were anyone else Gavin would mistake the expression for pain. “I allowed myself to be compromised once again, confused by my messed up systems and I—”

The cut off is so abrupt that Gavin practically feels it, and Nine’s LED burns red and spins rapidly at his forehead. “It made me do things I’m not proud of — made even worse by the fact I was aware of what I was doing, of who I was hurting. Of how much I didn’t want to.” 

“What did you do?” Gavin pries quietly, surprised at the quietness of his own tone — invested in Nine’s words. 

But Nine shakes his head, holding himself back. Something hidden that Gavin couldn’t quite pick out. “It doesn’t matter now. The point is it... fucked me up, I believe is the correct term.” He pauses to huff a laugh, and Gavin feels a tug in his chest. “It made me realise that I did not want to exist anymore — I could not live as a machine as much as I could not bear living with my freedom. Cyberlife had made me too inhuman. And upon that realisation, I reached into my chest and ripped out my own thirium pump regulator."

“ _Jesus_.” Gavin breathed, feeling his own chest tighten at the thought. It took him a beat to realise he was clutching over his own heart. 

Nine smiled again and Gavin half wished he would stop, “It could have been worse. I was found not too long afterwards and fixed before I could permanently shut down.”

“Yeah, but you still tried to—” Gavin cut himself off, his mind spinning as a thought suddenly popped into his head. “Nine, oh my god.”

“What?”

“I... when we first met, I told you to—” _Fuck off and die_ , his mind finished for him, but he was unable to say the words out loud. They choked him now, and he had to clutch his chest again when he felt pain there.

Nine watched him, his eyes moving in a way that let Gavin know he was scanning him. “You had no way of knowing.”

“Exactly! I had _no_ way of knowing, I had no idea what crap you'd been through. I shouldn't have said anything.” Gavin scolded himself, that pain in his chest building into an overwhelming panic that he couldn't push down. “I'm such an idiot, I should have just kept my fuckin’ mouth shut.”

“Detective, I—”

“What if I'd made you feel that way again? What if you had tried to self-destruct again?” Gavin continued, regardless, his anxiety only building. “That would have been _my_ fault. You wouldn't be here, you would have died and all because I'm too _stupid_ to think about what I'm fuckin’ sayin’.”

“ _Gavin_.” Nine said firmly, his hands suddenly planted on his shoulders. Gavin hadn't even discerned how much he was shaking until he felt Nine's hands on him, and that touch must have been assurance enough for Gavin to remember how to breathe. Then, as if realising how much he had on show, he lowered his head to hide his face, lifting a hand to cover his eyes.

“I'm fine.” He tried to brush off, but Nine wasn't having it.

“Gavin, listen to me. I don't blame you for a throwaway comment you made in a moment of anger.” Nine said, so quiet that Gavin could have sworn he had whispered it. “It was a long time ago, things have changed since then. I know what my purpose is now, I'm not going anywhere, and nothing you say is going to change that.”

Gavin gasped in a breath, deep and shaken as if he hadn't been able to breathe for hours, Nine's words and touch enough to chase away that panic in his chest and replace it with warmth. His shaking ceased momentarily as he tried to focus on the present, too stubborn to allow himself to have a full blown panic attack in front of his partner, and after a few minutes he pushed himself away from Nine's hands again and settled back to his place on the bench.

Nine let him, lowering his hands back to his lap, and Gavin immediately wanted them back on his body again, regardless of the fact he had been the one to push them away in the first place.

There was a long silence, but eventually, Gavin remembered how to speak again. “How... How did you manage to adapt?” He asked, because his curiosity was still there despite himself.

“I allowed myself to be helped.” Nine said, matter-of-factly. “I returned to New Jericho and forced my pride aside, tried to find a profession and life that I could set myself to. RK800 told me of a position I would be perfect for, and that’s how I met Lieutenant Anderson. They introduced me to the DPD and helped me to find better ways of coping with emotion, such as— well, this.” He gestured a hand toward the bridge ahead, “Finding a place where I could think and clear my head through other methods rather than just, as you so eloquently put it, getting stoned.”

Gavin huffed a laugh, but it lacked all the energy he wanted it too. He wasn't even looking at Nine anymore, just staring down into his half-empty coffee cup as if it could help him make sense of all this new information.

Nine's head turned to him again, and even though Gavin couldn't see his face he knew he hated the expression on it, “Gavin, I don't expect you to tell me anything about what it is your going through. I don't expect you to trust me or to see me as anything more than just the tin can you have to work alongside. _But_ , I do want you to know that I understand.” His hands shifted as if he were going to move them but then stopped himself. “I am more than willing to listen should you need to talk about it, because I want to help you. I don't want to see you self-destruct, either.”

Gavin finally lifted his head at that, meeting Nine's eyes that he swore could see right through him. His chest ached again, and he felt an overwhelming urge to put his arms around him and never let go. Not that he would _ever_ fucking do that, no matter how much he wanted to.

So, he just nodded instead, biting back any witty remark his mind provided him with and downed the rest of his coffee. Nine seemed satisfied with that at least, as he went back to enjoying the view only moments later, content in the comfortable silence that stretched out afterward.

“Did, uh... Did Kamski have anythin’ to do with your creation?” Gavin wondered out loud, and Nine hummed quietly in thought.

“I was improved on from his original plans for the RK800, so technically yes, but everything that separates me from models such as Eight is all another person's design.” Nine informed him after a moment's thought and then turned to look at him again. “Why do you ask?”

Gavin shrugged his shoulders, messing with the empty cup in his hands, “I just forget sometimes that he, like, designed you. It creeps me out.”

“Because he's your brother?”

Gavin's face flushed, and he looked up at him with a frown, “How the fuck did you know that?”

“Research, from after the first day we met,” Nine smiled, smug as ever, “that and you look remarkably similar to him.”

“Ew, gross, don't _ever_ fuckin’ say that again. I'm nothin' like that asshole.”

Nine's eyebrows raised and his LED flashed but Gavin barely registered it, too busy sulking down at his coffee cup. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been ripping it up, and scolded himself for being so fidgety.

“Well, Kamski is one of the great geniuses of the 21st century, so it is hard to believe the two of you are related.” Nine joked, trying to lighten the mood, and Gavin rolled his eyes in response.

“Hardy-fuckin’-har, _very_ funny, fuck you.” Gavin huffed, but he couldn't help the smile on his lips, the repartee helped take the edge of the conversation they were having, even if just for a moment.

Nine's own lips shifted into a smirk, and he kept his eyes on him as he pried further, “I take it you don't get on?”

“Somethin' like that,” Gavin shrugged his shoulders lazily, letting out a hefty sigh, “we don’t really talk much.”

“Why is that?”

“Eh, there's always been some tension between us, I guess. My fault mostly. I was always jealous of him — he had top grades in all his classes, popular with everyone, our parents' favourite, God's fuckin’ gift to Earth.” Gavin rolled his eyes so hard that it hurt, ripping off another piece of foam from the cup. “And then there was me, barely scrapin’ my C's and pretty lousy at everythin’. Was hard to not be jealous.”

Nine was frowning again, but this was the frown he gave whenever Gavin said something a little too self-deprecating. “I'm sure that wasn't the case, Detective.”

“Trust me, it was. And it still bloody is.” Gavin huffed air through his nose, a frustrated sound. “He's got a great life, a great house, a million-dollar company that's probably givin’ him enough money to buy a country, and what've I got? A shitty job, shitty apartment and a—”  _shitty boyfriend_ , he added inwardly, and winced at his own thoughts. “Well, I got nothin'.”

Gavin scowled at the air in front of him, sucking in his bottom lip to nibble at it anxiously, hating how open he was allowing himself to be. Then again, it was good to talk about it. This was the kind of stuff he'd had bottled up for years; and if Nine could trust him with a story like his own, then maybe Gavin could trust him with his.

“Is that why you hate androids so much? Because we are part of your brother’s success?” Nine inquired, a hesitant undertone to his words.

Gavin shifted on the bench, sucking in a sharp breath. “I don’t hate androids.” He tried to defend, but it was a lousy attempt at a lie; he had always hated them for bringing his brother so much attention, that much they both knew. “Alright, well... I _did_ , but I don't anymore. I guess bein’ stuck with you for so long wasn't such a bad thing.”

Nine’s lips quirked upwards just as Gavin’s did, a fondness behind the expression that Gavin couldn’t place. It makes his palms sweaty, and he rubs them on his jeans for lack of something better to do.

When Nine speaks again, he does so with an exaggerated sigh, “Gavin, do you know why I am still here? Why I have put up with your sarcasm for three months without wavering?”

“Beats me.”

“Because I like having you as my partner.” Nine said, simply, all joking absent from his tone now. “I hold you in high regard as one of the smartest detectives the DPD has to offer and one of the only people I could tolerate working alongside. You do not waste time with niceties and platitudes like most humans do. You don't allow your personal issues to affect your work, regardless of how run down you are, and you most certainly do not take any shit from anyone.”

Gavin snorts softly, allowing himself to smile for a moment before instantly freezing up when Nine's hand rests on his knee.

“Your brother’s success does not define you, for you are vastly successful in your own path. Despite what you may think of yourself, you, too, are great. In other’s eyes, and especially in mine.” Nine said, his voice still soft and low, and with that statement and the touch on his leg, Gavin felt his whole body tremble with _warmth_. He could barely breathe because of it. And honestly, he had never felt so compelled to just grab and kiss him as he did at this second.

Maybe he would have, but his phone was ringing before he could find out.

The sudden noise made Gavin jump slightly, and he absently noticed Nine's LED spin yellow with the surprise of it too. He withdrew his hand as the moment faded away and Gavin dug into his jacket pocket to draw out his phone, holding it in front of his face as the bright screen reflected the Caller ID into his eyes.

 _Ryan_.

“Shit,” Gavin mumbled quietly, “I gotta get this, sorry.”

“No apology necessary, go ahead.” Nine reassured, and Gavin nodded before clicking the answer button and holding the phone up to his ear.

“Er, hey.” Gavin said awkwardly down the phone, clutching it tightly when he felt his hands begin to shake once again, worried the trembling would lead to him dropping it, especially when the voice on the other end sounded down the speaker.

“ _Where the fuck are you? It's 9, I thought your shift finished at 8_?” The man on the other end slurred, and Gavin didn't need to ask to know he was drunk.

“Yeah it did, I just stopped for some dinner before I came back. I didn't have a chance to get somethin’ earlier.” Gavin excused, lifting a hand to scratch fingers across his stubble for lack of something better to do with his hands.

“ _Where are you_?”

“Just...” Gavin bit his lip, knowing if he said where he really was then there was a high probability of him turning up. “...I’m at a food truck near the station, I just went to the nearest place.”

Nine looked over to him with a frown, and Gavin returned it with a look that pleaded him not to say anything. Nine agreed silently, though his LED contradicted with the agreement, at least he kept his mouth shut.

 _“I don't remember you asking if you could go out? We agreed you would come straight home tonight_.”

“I know, but I was starvin’ and we don't have anythin’ in. It won't happen again.”

“ _Good, but you'll have to make it up to me when you get back_.” The chuckle down the phone made Gavin's toes curl, and he felt his shoulders tense at the idea of doing anything remotely sexual tonight. He was too bloody tired, not that it would matter to him. “ _Are you alone_?”

Gavin side glanced at Nine again, the hand that wasn't holding the phone fidgetting with his jacket, “No, I'm... with my partner.”

“ _The Android? Why the fuck are you with that_?”

“ _He_ offered to buy me something,” Gavin said, barely even registering himself emphasizing the pronoun, “I didn't have any money on me and we... needed to talk over a case anyway.”

“ _So you went and had dinner with it_?”

“No. It's not like that, I just-“

“ _You had better come home right now before I come and get you myself_.”

“You don't need to do that, I'll come back when I'm ready to come back.”

“ _Don't you ever fucking disobey me, or I'll pretty up your face worse than last time. Understand_?”

Gavin grit his teeth, ignoring the way his hands shook, ignoring the red of Nine's LED as he listened to the conversation from Gavin's side. He spent a moment trying to get a handle on his breathing, not about to show any fear in front of Nine, and certainly not let Ryan hear it in his voice.

“Alright.” Gavin conceded after a second, his eyes closing briefly. “Alright, I'll be back soon.”

“ _Good boy. Next time, I don't want to hear any complaints_.” Ryan said, his voice threatening and that was enough to make Gavin shudder again. “ _I'll see you soon_.”

The line went dead and Gavin slid the phone away from his ear, pocketing it once again. He could feel Nine's eyes on him but he didn't dare look, worried tears would fall as soon as he did. Instead, he busied himself by picking up all of his rubbish and placing it into the bin beside the bench.

“I, er... I gotta go. Sorry.” Gavin mumbled after a minute, standing from the bench slowly, worried he would fall back down again when he felt his legs shake beneath him. Nine followed suit and stayed close as if he'd sensed the same thing.

“You don't have to apologise, it’s late — I understand.”

“Do you need a lift home?”

“No, it's alright. I'm more than capable of walking from here.” Nine reassured, but his eyes still hadn't left Gavin's hidden face. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine.” Gavin gritted out, and he knew his tone made him sound completely the opposite but he didn't even remotely care. He didn't even care when Nine stepped closer to him, enough so that Gavin had to tilt his chin up to meet his eyes, whereas usually, he would have pushed him away before he even had a chance to get this close.

“Gavin, you don't have to go.” Nine said, his voice soft and understanding and Gavin just wanted to bury himself in it.

“I do.” He whispered back, quiet enough that he was sure Nine would have only just been able to hear it. “I'm sorry. I'll see you at work tomorrow.”

Nine grabbed his arm, “Gavin—”

“ _Don't_ , alright?” Gavin snapped quietly, drawing in a shaky breath and furiously blinking back the wetness in his eyes. “Just leave it, _please_.”

Gavin had never heard his voice crack so much before, especially not in front of Nine, but he still didn't care. He would get on his knees and beg right now if he had too. Because he didn't want to talk, and he didn't want to sit and listen to the pity. His pride was in his throat and his fear was overwhelming his senses, and he wanted to run before Nine could see just how not fine he really was.

His words must have had some impact, because Nine let go of him immediately, stepping away from him and shutting his mouth again, and Gavin took that opportunity to turn and walk to his car. He didn't say anything as he unlocked it, as he opened the door because he knew that if he said one more thing that would be it. Nine would actually see him, and he didn't want that.

Or, more appropriately, he was too fucking scared for Nine to see it.

“Detective, wait.” He heard Nine call from where they'd just been, and Gavin hesitated but lifted his head to look up at the Android watching him from across the way. “You have my address. If you ever need somewhere to go, my home is _always_ open to you.”

Nine's voice was filled with all the reassurance Gavin needed right now, and it made him want to run back and bury himself in those arms of his. And yet, even still, he just nodded, got in the car and drove away without looking back.

And later that night, as Gavin's face pressed into a pillow and Ryan pounded into him relentlessly, he _really_ wished he could hear that voice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	5. maybe XL will be our always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gavin decides he really fucking hates panic attacks.

The bald guy who shot Nine turned out to be, as Nine had guessed, a Snyth Trader and drug dealer by the name of Mason Walker.

A criminal record scan had identified three counts of assault to an Android, two counts of possession of drugs, and some hefty robbery charges. The guy had been in and out of prison for most of his life, it seemed, and now he was probably looking at another several years there.

The law against the attempted murder of an Android was still vastly different from the attempted murder of a human being. Things may have changed since the Android uprising, but it was still a slow process, and the fucker would probably only get two to three years for literally shooting Nine through the _stomach_.

Gavin used to think that was the way it should be. He used to think Androids were lesser beings and resented every single one of them. But now he'd actually spent time with one, gotten accustomed to having one around and grown to care for him, he just thought it was downright unfair.

If Gavin had it his way, he'd be in prison for the rest of his life for daring to hurt Nine.

Mind, a prison was probably paradise compared to the Hell Nine was going to put him through today.

They didn't need a confession from the man, but he was still going to be interrogated, and Nine was the best interrogator they had. That was his purpose, what he was designed for. He knew all the right things to say to get the man to talk, and they _needed_ him to talk.

Red Ice was a never-ending problem, cracking down on it was always the priority, especially recently when reports of death had cropped up because of it. This man they held in one of the glass cells had all the answers they were looking for; who to investigate, the sources, who was using. They needed some information, and Nine was determined to get it.

“So, what's your tactic?” Gavin asked, sat in one of the chairs in the room behind the interrogation one, watching their suspect through the two-way glass in front of him. The sigh that Nine let out was long and exaggerated and knowing Nine didn't need to do it made Gavin roll his eyes.

“I can't imagine he will be willing to give up information so easily, I will need to be patient.” Nine mused, fingers tapping rhythmically against his thigh. “But I am confident I will get some form of intel, regardless of how long it takes.”

“Just try not to let it run into my lunch break, alright? I'm starving.”

“Whatever you say, Detective.”

“Go get 'em, terminator.” Gavin joked as Nine stood in one swift movement from his chair, shooting Gavin a look before he exited the room. He entered the interrogation room and looked over to the glass, and Gavin shuddered when he seemed to be able to look Gavin straight in the eyes through the glass.

Mason was already scowling before Nine had even sat down, “ _No way._ I'm not being questioned by a fucking Android.” He demanded angrily, trying to squirm in his seat but the handcuffs that locked him to the table prevented that.

Nine sat opposite him, unphased, “I really don't think you are in a position to be making demands, Mr. Walker.” Nine said, his voice smooth like fucking velvet. Gavin had never understood that expression before meeting Nine, but he couldn't compare it any other way now. “You can complain all you wish, but no one else will be taking my place.”

“Fuck you, you fucking plastic prick.”

“You possess such eloquence for a man who did so well in his English SATs.” Nine smiled, calm and unblinking. “I take it you didn't start dealing in illegal drugs until after your studies?”

Mason's face scrunched into a grimace, “I ain't telling you shit.”

“On the contrary, I intend to have all the information I need from you by precisely twelve o'clock. My partner is expecting his lunch break then, you see.”

Gavin rolled his eyes in the other room, sticking up both of his middle fingers towards the glass and willing it away so Nine would be able to see him doing it. Then immediately stopped when he remembered the security cameras in the room that Fowler was probably watching through.

“Your partner, huh? The idiot I tried to shoot?”

Nine clicked his tongue, “I'd advise you not to call him that again - unless you would rather I add assault towards a police detective to your sentence?”

Gavin was tempted to remind him that didn't exactly fit into a police assault charge, but he was too caught up with Nine defending him to be bothered. Besides, he knew it was a bluff. Nine was dealing with a moron, and he was fully aware of that.

“Course not.” Mason grinned, not put off by the threat in the slightest. “I just don't see why you're wasting your time in here with me when your partner has all the answers.”

The comment made Gavin's entire body freeze up at the same time it made Nine's LED turn yellow.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, your partner knows more about the business than he lets on,” Mason purred, looking over towards the glass window that separated the rooms with an expression that made Gavin's blood run cold, “unless it's already been fucked out of him?”

“That's _enough_.” Nine scowled, his voice raising an octave and bringing Mason's attention back to him. “I have no interest in listening to your cryptic lies. I'm here for answers, and that's exactly what I'm going to get.”

“I already told you, I ain't telling you shit.”

“Mr. Walker, I advise you comply with instructions before I am forced to do things the hard way.”

“Fuck you.”

Nine sighed dramatically, fingers tapping on the table, “The hard way it is.”

Mason confesses to two other crimes and gives up the names of several other Red Ice dealers by 11:47.

* * *

Gavin stood by the coffee machine, pressing the button for a cappuccino and watching the black liquid pour into the plastic cup. The food stop he usually went to on his lunch break had been out of coffee, which was a fucking travesty, to say the least, so Gavin had brought his lunch back to the station simply so he could get a coffee to go with it.

It wasn't too bad; at least the coffee in the station was free, and three times better than the shit Gary from the Chicken Feed truck poured.

Nine had stayed behind to type up the report from the interrogation this morning and was still there now clacking away on his terminal. Nine didn't always come with him on his lunch breaks, because he didn't need to, but Gavin much preferred it when he did.

Maybe Gavin had used the no coffee thing as an excuse to just come back and eat with Nine at the station, but he tried not to think about it too much.

He settled down at his desk opposite Nine, placing down his coffee and the bag of cheesy fries and chicken wings. He made a very sexual sounding noise that he wasn't proud of when he opened the bag and smelled the contents, overjoyed to see some good food, though Nine didn't look as amused when Gavin set it out on the desk.

“If you dare tell me how many calories are in this,” Gavin warned when he saw Nine's mouth open, “I'll throw my coffee over you.”

“Your coffee is far too valuable for you to waste it like that,” Nine smirked, “and it's 845.”

Nine's right, his coffee is too important to him. Which is why he throws his stapler at him instead. Nine catches it in a swift movement as Gavin expected him too, and he sets it back down on the desk with a low chuckle, shaking his head minutely.

“I hate you.” Gavin mumbles through his first bite of chicken.

“Noted.”

“How's the report looking?”

“I've nearly finished, I just need to add a few more details and then I'll be able to send it to the Captain.” Nine informed him, a smile on his face that didn't meet his eyes, forced and almost exasperated. Gavin wondered if he'd imagined it.

“That was, uh, pretty fucking impressive, by the way.” Gavin said, but it was only met by a confused frown from Nine. “Gettin' that guy to talk this mornin’. I really didn't think you were gonna get anythin’ from him.”

“Your unwavering faith in me is flattering.”

“Shut the fuck up. I just meant he was... difficult, you know.” Gavin shifted his shoulders, shrugging carelessly, “I’m sayin’ you did a good job.”

Nine's lips quirked, “Is that a compliment, Detective Reed?”

“Sure, whatever.” Gavin focused all of his attention on the dark coffee in front of him, refusing to meet Nine's eyes which he knew were watching him with a smugness he could practically feel in the air. He also refused to acknowledge the heat on his cheeks.

After a moment, Nine cleared his throat again, “So, are we going to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“What Mr. Walker implied in the interrogation room this morning.” Nine said simply, turning his body away from his terminal so he could face him properly. “About you knowing something more about the Red Ice industry.“

“He was bluffin’, probably just tryin’ to buy himself more time.” Gavin waved off, ignoring the sweat he could feel under his collar.

“My scanners didn't pick up any fabrication, I know he wasn't lying.”

Gavin didn't look at him, fidgetting with his fries, “Well, I dunno what he was on about.”

“Detective, if there's something you're not telling me-“

“There isn't.” Gavin gritted out, his eyes narrowing when he finally met Nine's gaze. “I told you I don't know what he was talking about, so just fucking drop it. Alright?”

His voice was shakier than he had intended it to be, mostly because he was panicking. Panicking because no one was supposed to find out about this, not even Nine.

He would rather confess everything happening in his life right now than admit to Nine what he knew about Red Ice. How he knew how and where it was made, how he knew who was supplying it, and how he probably had the names of half the people in Detroit who were currently using it.

He trusted Nine with his life, that much he knew by now, especially after that night on the bridge last week (which they had silently agreed to not mention). But this was something that could end his career, something that could drive away the last few people who still gave two shits about him. If Nine or anyone else found out about this, it would destroy him.

But when Nine's LED flashed red and his frown deepened, Gavin knew he was fucked. “No, not this time.”

Nine drew himself up from the desk and Gavin felt his blood go cold, “What?”

“I said, not this time.” Nine repeated, and then his hands were hoisting Gavin up from his desk chair by his arms, not giving him any time to react as he began to pull him away from his station without any explanation.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?!” Gavin scowled angrily at Nine's iron grip, unable to pull his arm away no matter how much he tried. Distant laughs aimed at his humiliation from Anderson and his pet sounded from somewhere behind him as he was dragged through the room, and Gavin wanted to run back and punch them. “Nine, fucking let go!”

Nine ignored him. He dragged Gavin out of the bullpen and towards the large doors where the evidence rooms were, not even letting up his grip on him as he made them go down the stairs. Gavin fumbled trying to stay upright whilst being sped through the hall, refusing to stop struggling until he was finally released within one of the empty evidence rooms.

Gavin's mind barely registered Nine locking the door and fogging the see-through glass.

He yanked himself away from him, his breathing harsh, “What the hell was that? Don't you _ever_ fucking do that again!”

“I only did what was necessary to save you the embarrassment of having this conversation in front of our fellow officers,” Nine stated, readjusting the sleeves of his turtleneck where Gavin had grabbed at him, “unless you would rather we go back up there and talk in front of them?”

“I don't give a shit what you thought was necessary! You don't get to touch me like that, alright?” Gavin was shaking, but he was too stubborn to acknowledge it. If there was one thing he didn't like, it was being manhandled - being pulled and pushed around and unable to do anything about it. It was too much.

Nine looked conflicted, it was evident in both his face and LED, “Detective, this has gone too far. I can accept if you wish to keep details of your personal life away from work, but if those details are obstructing my investigation then I cannot allow you to keep withholding information.”

“I'm not withholding anything, asshole!”

“Then why was Mr. Walker so insistent that you knew something?” Nine stepped towards him, so Gavin took three steps back.

His heart was thumping.

“I told you I don't know anything.”

“You are lying. My scanners-“

“Fuck your stupid scanners!” Gavin scowled. His chest hurt. His head hurt. Everything hurt, and everything was spinning. “What about all that shit you always go on about? About trusting your partner?”

Gavin had never seen Nine's teeth grit until now, “How am I supposed to trust you when you keep lying to me?”

“I'm _not_ lying!”

“Yes, you are.”

_Everything was building_ -

“Nine, stop!”

“Then tell me the truth.”

_Building_ -

“I said, _fucking stop_!” Exploding. Gavin was yelling. Screaming.

Instinct kicked in and he shoved palms into Nine's chest with all his might, forcing him away with every intention of pushing him across to the other side of the room. Any other person would have fallen or _at least_ stumbled. But it had barely budged him.

Nine stepped back in a movement that didn't seem necessary, as if he had done it solely for the purpose of satisfying him. His expression had shifted into something Gavin could no longer read, but his LED hadn't even changed color and that only riled him up more.

“You never know when to lay off!” Gavin kept going because he needed a rise. A reaction to fight back to. His voice was no longer recognizable to himself and he could feel wetness on his cheeks that he refused to address, and he tried to shove Nine again for something better to focus on. “You never listen! You just keep fucking pushing all the time!”

“Gavin-”

Gavin knocked away the outstretched hand that reached for him before it could even get close, hitting at him again, “I hate you, you plastic prick! I wish you had never been assigned here. I wish I'd never had to put up with you as my partner!”

Lies. Projection. He needed a reaction. He needed anger to match his own. He needed to fight back for once in his life.

“Gavin, _stop-”_

Nine's hands grabbed his arms and he struggled against him, “Fight back for once, asshole! Hit me for fuck's sake!”

“I'm not going to do that.”

“You fucking _pussy_!” Gavin kicked his legs when he realized his arms were unreliable, smacking into Nine's shins and ankles as hard as he could. “You're a coward! Everyone else can do it, why not you?!”

Nine faltered, but his hands remained, “Because I don't want to hurt you. I care about you.”

“You don't fucking care! No one does.” Gavin tried to swat at his arms again, but it was fruitless. He was slowing down and Nine was stronger than he was. “No one fucking cares. No one.”

“I-”

“Not you. Not Ryan-”

“I'm not Ryan.”

“You will be.” Gavin was still struggling. It was weak and pathetic but he could still do it. His body was sagging as the pain in his chest and the spinning in his head started to catch up with him. “You'll be just the fucking same.”

Something smooth and warm pressed against Gavin's face, and he absently registered it as the palm of Nine's hand on his cheek. “Gavin, I would rather relive every single day of my first month as a Deviant than ever even consider harming you.”

Gavin said nothing, not even sure if he could anymore. He was so exhausted.

“I care about you, Gavin. Whether you believe it or not, it's true, and I am never going to hurt you.” Nine's voice was as soothing as it had been that night on the bridge, that warm reassurance that Gavin had wanted to wrap himself in. “It's just you and me. There's no Ryan, there's no one else. It's just us.”

He wasn't sure what comforted him more; his words, his tone or his touch. Whichever one it was, it was enough to make him give in.

Finally, he allowed his body to sag. His limbs halted and stopped struggling and his head fell forwards and rested against Nine's strong chest. He probably looks so ridiculously pathetic right now, but he doesn't care. Because it's just them, as Nine had said.

It's just him and the Android he loves.

Weeks of built up anger and self-loathing come at once, and within seconds he's fucking sobbing against Nine's turtleneck. It's softer than he thought it would be, and it darkens where Gavin's tears press against the material.

Synthetic hands are in his hair and on his back, a firm presence that makes Gavin aware of how tightly he's being held. How close he's pressed to Nine and how it's still not close enough.

He's shaking from the crying but he's warmer than he's been all day in Nine's arms, and God knows how much he wants to just stay here forever. He would have scowled at himself for being so fucking sappy, but he's too engrossed in the moment to even think about it.

“I'm sorry.” The words are muffled into Nine's jumper, but he'd said them and he deserved points for that at least. He didn't dare move his head, too scared about what kind of expression would be on Nine's face. “I didn't mean any of that, I was just... uh, you know.” 

“I know.” Nine mirrored, and when he nodded his head Gavin felt his chin rest against the top of his hair. “However, I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have grabbed you as I did, I didn't think of the effect it would have on you. It was a stupid thing to do.”

Gavin sniffed; he'd intended it to be a laugh but it was better than nothing, “Well, you are pretty stupid.”

Nine's laugh was genuine and smooth as ever, and Gavin was surprised to feel the vibration of it in his throat. “If you say so, Detective.”

After a few more minutes Nine was withdrawing from the embrace at around the same time Gavin decided he was uncomfortable, almost as if he had sensed it in him. It wasn't like he wasn't enjoying it, because he definitely fucking was, but after going so long without comfort like that it felt weird to have so much of it. Almost like he didn't deserve it.

Gavin rubbed the back of his neck, shifting his weight, all his actions only emphasizing how awkward he felt right now. “Er, I guess we should head back up. People will be wonderin' where the hell we are.”

“Not just yet,” Nine said, stepping in front of Gavin when he made his move to leave, “you still haven't answered my questions.”

Gavin's shoulders slumped. Of course, he wouldn't have let that go. “Nine, I don't-”

“Gavin. I need to know.” Nine didn't budge, and he was nearest to the door which stopped Gavin from just up and leaving. “You can tell me you don't know anything a hundred more times, and I will still know you are lying.”

“You know what? I wasn't kidding. I do hate you.”

Nine was smiling, but he still wasn't moving. “Gavin, I am worried about your safety. I won't act on anything you tell me without your permission, but I won't let you leave until you've told me exactly what it is you are hiding.”

Gavin let his head drop so he could stare at his feet, simply because it was the only way he could avoid Nine's gaze completely. Those eyes pierced through him as if Nine could see all the answers he wanted in Gavin's head before he could even offer them.

His hands messed with the long sleeves of his jacket, thinking everything over in his head. He trusted Nine; if Nine said he wasn't going to act on something, then Gavin knew he wouldn't. But that didn't mean Nine wouldn't lose any last bits of respect he had for him if he found out.

Gavin would just have to pray Nine really did care about him as much as he claimed too.

A deep breath shuddered through his lips, and he looked up to meet his eyes again. “Ryan's a drug dealer.”

Nine blinked, LED spinning yellow, processing the new information. He didn't respond, so Gavin took that as an indicator for want of more information.

“Red Ice specifically. He uses our apartment as a.. as a drug den for it, for his customers.” Gavin wished he had something to mess with right now. He ought to invest in a stress ball. “They come, they pay, they get high, they leave. It's Ryan's business. His supplier used to come and drop the batches off at our door, I never really got a good look at him, but-”

“But you would wager it's our Snyth Trader upstairs.” Nine finished for him, and Gavin nodded his head in confirmation.

“He's probably seen me a few times in the apartment, and that's how he knew I was connected.”

Nine's hands shifted at his sides, which caught Gavin's attention. “Are you involved in any other ways?” He asked calmly, but Gavin knew the real question behind what he had said and scoffed dramatically.

“For fuck's sake, no. I try to stay out of it, and I don't touch the stuff either if that's what you're worried about.” Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets, because then at least he could fidget as much as he liked without Nine being able to see it. He knew Nine would believe him though because it was the truth. His scanners would pick up on that.

Gavin had a shitty life, and honestly, he was proud of himself for getting this far without ever having turned to drugs. The temptation had been there, and there had been a few times where he had nearly caved, but he'd gotten over it despite how many times his druggy boyfriend and his clients had tried to convince him. He was still here, still living, and still clean.

Frankly, he deserved an award for it.

Nine still hadn't spoken yet. Gavin could see the whirring of his LED and the conflicted expression on his face and knew he wanted to say something, or maybe even do something. But Gavin couldn't let him do anything about it.

“Nine, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone about this.” Gavin said, embarrassed at how pleading his voice sounded. “Red Ice is my whole department. I’d be fired on the spot if anyone found out. You've gotta help me out here.”

“Don't worry,” Nine caught his gaze, speaking so suddenly that it almost made Gavin jump in surprise, “you have my word. I won't tell anyone.”

Gavin felt as if he had been holding his breath for years. His shoulders and back untensed and he sagged forward, his chest expanding as he let out a breath of relief. He wasn't sure if it came from knowing Nine wasn't going to tell anyone, or if it came from just finally being able to get it off his chest.

Sure, it was much bigger than just them and it hadn't gone away completely, but now someone else knew about it who could at least help to ease that pain. Someone who Gavin could trust. Someone who Gavin cared about, and who returned that affection just as sincerely, apparently.

He didn't know what direction their relationship was going in. It changed from day to day and it was hard to keep up with. Gavin had to continuously remind himself that it couldn't go anywhere; that he already had other commitments, already had someone he was committed to.

But, at this point, all Gavin knew was that he had really fucking enjoyed being in Nine's arms. And he really wanted to be in them again, regardless of what direction this trainwreck went in.

Not wanting to show any more emotion for the next few days now, Gavin let out a huff, “I'll bet my fucking food's gone cold now.”

“Apologies. I'll replace the food and the coffee.” Nine connected his hand with the panel at the side of the door, and it swung open to allow the two of them to leave the room. They were both silently relieved to not see anyone else around.

Gavin glanced down at the watch on his wrist, and hesitated, “You know, we've still got forty minutes for lunch.”

Nine looked at him, arching a single brow, “What did you have in mind?”

“We could, er... that food from the truck by the bridge was good last time.” Gavin said, feeling a flush on his cheeks and scolding himself for it, but it only increased when he saw that gorgeous smile across Nine's face.

“The bridge it is, then.”

“Extra large?”

“Extra large.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	6. life’s a bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariska Hargitay wrote, “Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step.”  
> And Gavin Reed said, “Go fuck yourself.”

The first time it happened had been bad.

The second time had been downright embarrassing.

The third time, however, was chalked up as one of the worst days of Gavin's entire life (and he'd had a few).

Gavin sat in his car, hunched forward with his forehead pressed against the steering wheel and his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. The faint sound of Nirvana's 'Polly' could be heard coming from the radio, and Gavin had to reach over to turn it off completely. Even the quiet music was enough to make his already agonizing headache swell painfully.

How the hell he had managed to drive in the first place was beyond him. It felt like it shouldn't have been possible; the adrenaline he had felt upon storming out of his apartment and getting into his car, with the intention of driving away as far as possible, had now faded and was replaced instead with the aching reminder of the injuries he was sporting across his body.

His wrist was fucked. It hurt every time he moved his hand and it took all of Gavin to bite back a sob whenever he turned it the wrong way. His abdomen was most likely covered in bruises as a result of the good kicking he had experienced, and he could also feel a burning pit of acid within his stomach that made him gag whenever it rose up.

There were cuts on his face too, but they were less important, though he was sure he could feel dried blood around his nostrils and he could see the ugly contusion surrounding his eye (the right one, this time) in the rearview mirror.

And it all just _hurt_.

Perhaps he would have had some more endurance for it if he wasn't so bone tired; perhaps he would have tried harder to fight back and defend himself. But he'd hardly slept in days... no, _weeks_. Kept up every single night by his douchebag boyfriend, who would be fucking him or getting fucked up with his patrons. Sometimes both, and it left Gavin exhausted and unable to even care when Ryan had thrown the first punch earlier that night.

Maybe he wouldn't have lost his temper so easily either. Maybe he wouldn't have run out at the first chance he had and made a beeline for his car. But he was here now, and there was no going back.

He hadn't even known where to go; he hadn't known when he was driving and honestly, he still wasn't sure. There was no chance he could go to his parent's house, his mother would have too many questions and Gavin just wasn't in the right mind to answer them, and his father certainly wouldn't care.

If he wasn't so stubborn he would have gone to Elijah's, but a part of him would rather chew glass than listen to his fucking annoying face wax lyrical psychology and advice to him.

He had briefly considered Chen's, but they had a more 'I hate you but you're okay I guess' relationship as exposed to a 'come over when your boyfriend's beat you up too much' one. Plus, he didn't want to drag her into this. Tina probably had enough of her own shit going on and he doubted she'd appreciate having his baggage thrown into the mix too.

Which, really, left only one person.

Gavin looked over again to the house he was currently parked outside of, light shining through the windows and illuminating the front lawn where that stupid rose garden grew. Absently he realized there were a few more there compared to the last time he had been here, and he half wondered how much time Nine actually spent gardening. The thought of it made him laugh, which hurt so much he had to grit his teeth to hold back a yelp.

He never actually thought he would take Nine up on his offer, and to be honest he still didn't know if he would. He was waiting for his pride to take over and send him back the way he came, too stubborn to seek the help he so desperately needed.

But a part of him also knew he could trust Nine. He was the one person who had stuck with him through this whole situation, who had helped him regardless of the fact he barely even knew what was happening himself, who had seen the pain Gavin was going through despite his high walls and guarded personality.

Nine cared for him; he'd said so himself. Gavin might not have believed it at the time but it was the closest thing he had, and he couldn't just let that get away.

Which is why he forced himself out of the car, fighting against the instinct to listen to his stubbornness and run away, and made his way up the path slowly.

The walk from the car to the front door was probably the longest walk of his life. Trying desperately to think of what to say when Nine saw him, trying to think of some excuse for the state he was in as if Nine wouldn't be able to figure it out for himself. Trying not to think of the way Nine was probably going to turn him away as soon as he saw him, and honestly, Gavin expected nothing less.

He'd been an asshole to Nine since the day they met, throwing insults and snide remarks every chance he could and hardly treating him like a person in the first few weeks. And now here he was, crawling up to his doorstep like the pathetic idiot he was, seeking help from the very person he had treated like shit.

Gavin wouldn't blame him if he just slammed the door in his face.

He stared at the door in front of him for a very long time, raising his good hand to knock every so often and then dropping it again when his anxiety rose. There was a moment when he thought he really wasn't going to be able to do it, but after a brief argument with himself, he was able to raise his arm and knock three times steadily on the door.

His arm wrapped tightly back around his middle as that acid started to creep up his stomach again, every single fiber of his being telling him to run before it was too late, his mind screaming at him.

_Run and don't look back._

_Get in the car and go._

_Don't let someone see you._

_Don't let Nine see you._

_Don't-_

_Too late._

The door opened and Nine emerged from behind it with a genuine look of confusion on his face, as if he'd never had a visitor before. His usual black turtleneck and suspenders adorned his body and Gavin had never been happier to see such a familiar sight, though he didn't like the look of Nine's red LED when his eyes finally adjusted to the sight in front of him.

He didn't say anything for a long time, his eyes just moved up and down Gavin's form with that tell-tale glossy haze that let him know Nine was scanning him. Gavin shifted his weight under that gaze and found himself unable to push words out to offer an explanation, his mind failing him and making him forget how to breathe, let alone how to speak.

Nine's expression had shifted from confusion, to worry, to an indifference Gavin couldn't place at all, and that compulsion to run away had never been more prominent.

Gavin swallowed the lump in his throat, wanting to just get something out, “I...I didn't have anywhere else to go.” He managed after a moment of silence, though his eyes never looked up from Nine's booted feet. They fixed onto them as if they were somehow able to provide him with the words he needed to say. But he got nothing.

Nine still didn't speak and Gavin took that as an indicator for want of more information, but as he opened his mouth to speak the words were cut off when Nine stepped back slightly and made room for him in the doorway, silently inviting him inside. Gavin half-wished he would say something, but he still nodded his gratitude and stepped inside regardless.

The decoration in the house was roughly similar to what Gavin had been expecting. Just as luxurious as the outside; the living room was large and contained a large black couch that overlooked a fireplace and a television, with walls that were covered in art and shelves of books and other fancy decorations. The kitchen could be seen through an arch in the opposite wall, and Gavin could make out an island in the middle of it and concluded it was probably just as flamboyant as the living room.

He heard the door click shut behind him and then felt a warm grip on his arm, the good one, thankfully, as Nine took a gentle hold of him and led him over towards the couch. Gavin didn't have the energy or courage to pull away and so he let himself be sat down there, and his confusion only continued when Nine let go again and then disappeared into the kitchen.

Of the many, many scenarios Gavin had imagined happening when he arrived here, this was definitely not one of them.

Still, he couldn't complain. The couch was much nicer than the shitty one he had at home and he didn't mind letting himself sink into the comfort of it, sure he could just fall asleep right then and there. Somehow just knowing Nine was nearby was enough to make him feel safe, and if he wasn't trying to figure out what Nine was doing he was positive he would have already nodded off.

The Android in question emerged from the kitchen again a few minutes later, holding a black mug in his hands which he came over to the couch with and held out to him. Gavin could have moaned when he saw what Nine was offering him, and the smell was enough to make him melt.

Coffee. But not just any coffee, Folgers coffee. His absolute favorite; he could tell just from the scent of it. He didn't have the energy to dwell on how the hell Nine knew that and so he just took it instead. But then stopped as another thought entered his head.

“You have coffee?” He asked in confusion. Because Nine was an Android, it wasn't like he could drink it, so why would he have it lying around the house?

“I try to keep in good supply. In case I have guests,” Nine said, “or, more specifically, in case you ever decided to take me up on my offer.”

Gavin felt that lump returning to his throat, and grimaced at the heat on his cheeks, “Right.”

Nine walked over to the gas fireplace positioned directly opposite them and knelt down to switch it on, drawing himself up again when he was satisfied with the blue flames that roared within the coal. The warmth hit Gavin's skin almost instantly and he was extremely grateful for it.

It was nothing compared to the warmth he felt when Nine sat down beside him, however.

The silence they sat in wasn't exactly comfortable, but Gavin didn't mind it either, and it was only broken by Gavin's occasional slurps when he brought his coffee to his lips or the faint hum of the fire in front of them that they both stared at so intently. But the elephant in the room was enough to make Gavin's hair stand on end and he could see Nine's LED flickering between yellow and blue in the corner of his eye as if trying to communicate the words he didn't want to say out loud.

When the silence was eventually too loud, Gavin pulled himself together enough to speak, “I told him I didn't wanna cover for him anymore.”

Nine looked at him but said nothing, so he carried on.

“I said it was too dangerous and I was riskin’ my whole career for him, that I couldn't do it anymore.” Gavin stared down at his coffee, mostly just to avoid Nine's gaze, “He didn't take it well.”

“There's torn ligaments in your wrist and bruising around your ribs,” Nine diagnosed, and Gavin knew he had definitely been scanning him earlier, “I'd say that's a slight understatement.”

“It doesn't matter. I've had worse.”

Nine scowled, and when he stood up Gavin was worried he was going to leave but instead he knelt down in front of him, close enough that one of his hands rested on Gavin's knee. Gavin would have complained when Nine started to pry the coffee mug from his hands, but his energy to bite back still hadn't fully returned yet.

The mug was placed on the coffee table behind him and Nine met his eyes again, “May I see?” He held his hand out towards him, and Gavin assumed he wanted his wrist. There was a brief hesitation in which Gavin contemplated with himself, partially because he knew what else lingered on the skin there, and partially because he just had too much pride. 

His stubbornness won, “It's fine.”

“It's _sprained_.”

“It'll fix itself.”

“Would you rather I took you to a hospital?” Nine tilted his head in correspondence with the question, and now it was Gavin's turn to scowl. They both knew what a hospital meant; questions and police inquiries, the opposite of what Gavin needed right now.

So, reluctantly, he shrugged off his heavy jacket and let it fall behind him on the couch, leaving him in just his plain black t-shirt. He held his wrist out towards him and cast his gaze away, not wanting to see the look on Nine's face or the flashing of his LED when he saw the markings on his forearm.

They were faded now; old scars from years ago. But they were still _there_ , and they were a constant reminder of previous battles Gavin had struggled with. A reminder of the years of useless therapy and medication he had endured which had turned him into the insufferable, sarcastic bastard he was today. Perhaps he wouldn't be so ashamed of them if he still didn't have thoughts about doing it again every so often.

Nine's eyes lingered on them only briefly, but he also saw Gavin's expression and opted for saying nothing. And Gavin couldn't have been more grateful.

“You'll need some ice and a bandage for support, but otherwise, it should heal on its own.” Nine observed, turning Gavin's wrist over carefully with those slender hands of his, his touch delicate enough that Gavin could hardly feel the pain anymore. “I have those things. If you'll allow me, I would be more than happy to do it for you.”

“Why do you have...” Gavin trailed off when he saw Nine's expression and remembered his answer when he had asked about the coffee. “Oh.”

“I'll be back in a moment.” Nine drew himself up again and made his way back to the kitchen, and seconds later he was returning with a first aid box and an ice pack wrapped in a hand towel.

Gavin definitely preferred being looked after by someone else rather than just tending to his own injuries; half because Nine actually knew what he was doing, and half because it was an excuse to be this close to him. Nine was back beside him on the couch but his whole body had orientated towards him so he could bandage his wrist properly, and he'd done a pretty good fucking job of it.

The ice was helping too. It still hurt, but it felt better.

Nine had pushed some painkillers and water in his direction when he'd emerged from the kitchen too, though Gavin wasn't sure what use they were going to have in this situation. But he still swallowed them down, because anything that might reduce some pain would be appreciated right now.

“How did you get away?” Nine asked suddenly, almost making Gavin jump, his attention still on Gavin's wrist as he tied off the bandages.

“I just... ran for the door first chance I got.” Gavin murmured quietly, ashamed at how much of a coward he probably sounded. “I didn't really have a minute to think about what I was doing. I left everything. My phone, my wallet, even my fucking cat.”

“Your cat?”

“Yeah. Didn't have a chance to get her before I left.” Gavin frowned down at his coffee mug for only the fourteenth time that night, “You didn't know I had one? You know every other goddamn little thing.”

“No, I knew.” Nine said, looking up at him now when he had finished securely tying the bandages. “I just didn't think you would appreciate me being, as you so eloquently call it, a 'smartass' right now. What's her name?”

Gavin huffed a laugh, “Lucifer.”

“You named her after the Devil?”

“If the shoe fits,” Gavin shrugged his shoulders, and then managed a grin, “But it's like a pun. You know... Lucifer. Luci _fur_.”

Nine didn't look amused by the joke, and honestly, that was just a travesty in itself. Gavin had been in absolute bits for days after thinking up that one, he was immensely proud of it, and still laughed every time he thought about it.

“We can go and get her if you would like? I don't mind having a cat here.”

“No, it's fine. She'll probably have made her own way out after I left, she doesn't like Ryan all that much.”

“I can't imagine why.” Nine said, dryly, and the comment was enough to make Gavin smile at least. It seemed to rub off on Nine too because for the first time in the night his LED finally settled back to blue and his own gorgeous smile adorned his lips. And honestly? That was all Gavin needed to see right now to feel a hundred times better.

“Er, thanks by the way. You didn't have to do this.” Gavin nodded down to his now impressively bandaged hand. If he hadn't seen Nine do it with his own eyes he would have mistaken it for a professionals work. But then again, Nine probably had all the programming for medical procedures downloaded in that supercomputer of his, so maybe he could be a professional.

Nine made eye contact with him again, “Actually, I did. I told you before Gavin, you are my partner and it is in my best intentions to keep you safe.”

Gavin shuffled uncomfortably, ignoring the heat on his face, “Yeah, sure but... that's just your programming, ain’t it?”

“Not at all. It's simply because I care about you, and your wellbeing,” Nine said as if the statement wasn't enough to make Gavin want to practically swoon, “besides, I'm a Deviant. I don't listen to my programming.”

“You anarchist.” Gavin joked, to avoid the statement of sentimentality or just to relieve some of the tension, he wasn't too sure. It made Nine smile though, and that was all Gavin wanted.

The nerves came back almost instantly however when Nine suddenly raised his hands and took Gavin's face into them, turning him ever so slightly so he could, assumably, get a better look at the cuts and bruises on his face. His hands were smooth and just as warm as Gavin remembered them to be, as they had been down in the evidence rooms at work a few days ago when Gavin had had his embarrassing little panic attack.

He didn't dwell on it too much when he felt himself leaning into them.

“Do they hurt?” Nine asked, his thumb brushing over the bruising around his eye carefully. Gavin shook his head minutely, worried too much movement would cause Nine to move his hands away again, which he really didn't want.

“It's not too bad.” Which was the truth. Maybe they had hurt before, but now with Nine's hands on his face, he could hardly even recall the pain. Nine had this amazing way of making Gavin forget about everything.

But it didn't make the red flash of Nine's LED go unnoticed.

“What's up?” Gavin asked, letting his eyes flicker up towards it so Nine knew why he was asking.

The look on his face was terribly conflicted, “I am just frustrated. I should have done something as soon as I knew what was happening, perhaps then this wouldn't have happened to you.”

“Eh, I probably deserved it.” Gavin tried to joke, just wanting to lighten the mood at this point. “Besides, like I said, I've had worse.”

“You most definitely did not deserve it, Gavin. Nothing could justify something like this.” Nine's LED stayed red, and Gavin couldn't help but wonder which emotion it linked to. “But I promise, if he ever puts his hands on you again, I'll...”

“What?” Gavin prompted, his heart thumping, “What will you do?”

“With your permission, of course,” Nine took an unnecessary breath and let his voice go low, “I'll cut them off.”

Gavin's whole body shuddered and he wasn't exactly sure why. Perhaps it had been the tone of his voice. Perhaps it was because Gavin knew that Nine really was capable of doing something like that and probably wouldn't even hesitate to do so. Either way, the promise of being protected and the feeling of Nine's hands on his face was enough to make Gavin feel euphoric.

“I don't think that'd go down well at work.”

“I wouldn't care,” Nine stated, matter-of-factly, “I would do anything to ensure your safety, regardless of the consequences. Because you are important to me, whether you believe it or not, and I will do whatever is necessary to protect you.”

Gavin felt a warmth within him that he hadn't felt since their night on the bridge. That same warmth that had come when Nine's hand rested on his knee and Gavin had forgotten how to breathe. When Nine had assured him he was a good person and all Gavin had wanted to do was kiss him, but Ryan had called and interrupted before he got the chance.

Except, this time there was no Ryan. There were no phones that could go off, no Mason Walker's shooting at them, no officers from the DPD watching their every move. There was just him and Nine and that stupid warmth in Gavin's chest.

So, Gavin kissed him.

Perhaps it hadn't been the smartest thing to do considering the situation and the pain in his ribs and the cuts on his face, which swelled painfully at the movement and contact, but Gavin couldn't find any fucks to give right now. All he was interested in was just finally being able to press his lips against Nine's fucking gorgeous ones and do what he'd been wanting to do for the past god knows how long.

It was clumsy and he could have undoubtedly done it a lot better, but he'd done it and he deserved an award for that at least. He'd squeezed his eyes shut and tackled Nine's mouth despite his stubborn pride and injuries, despite how much his anxiety screamed at him for it, and now he was here there was no turning back.

He felt Nine's palms shift against his face and felt his lips tense in response, and Gavin was already preparing to pull back and snap out an apology and leave before Nine could reject him. But just as he was about to, Nine kissed him back.

His lips responded to Gavin's and his hands tightened slightly around his face, keeping him where he was and orientating his whole body into the kiss. Gavin made a small sound in the back of his throat that he wasn't proud of, but he couldn't help it. He'd wanted this for so long and now it was finally happening, and it was everything he'd wanted it to be.

Nine's lips were warm and soft, and when Gavin dug his good hand into his hair he found that to be just as smooth and perfect as he had imagined it would be and he couldn't help but tug on the thick strands. It elicited a growl from Nine that Gavin couldn't recall ever hearing before, but he liked it so much that he pulled on his hair again in the hopes of hearing it once more.

A shudder ran down his spine when Nine's hands moved to either side of his neck, and his thumbs traced over his cheeks and the stubble on his jawline with such attentivity and care that Gavin honestly thought he would melt. The sensations were intense and more comforting than anything he had experienced in a while.

He wanted to press closer, but every time he tried to move he was reminded of the inflictions on his ribs and arm and winced in pain. He felt Nine pulling back at one point, no doubt to make sure he was alright, but not wanting this to end yet Gavin had yanked him back into the kiss with a quick nod of reassurance.

Nine didn't seem to be complaining though. He dragged his fingers down to Gavin's shoulders now, settling there with a firm grip that Gavin wanted to sink into. It made him feel so secure, so safe. He was sure if there weren't a million different pains holding him back right now he would already be settled onto Nine's lap and insisting on those strong arms being wrapped around him.

But, alas, life is a bitch.

It occurred to Gavin that they probably would have kissed like that for the rest of the night if there hadn't been a loud knock on the front door that made them break apart.

They pulled back swiftly. Gavin was breathless, but not enough so that he couldn't feel a sense of pride for the blue flush on Nine's cheeks. It was faint and barely noticeable, but it was there nonetheless and that was a win in Gavin's book. He'd also made a bloody good mess of his usually perfect hair, though Nine didn't seem too fussed.

“Really,” Nine said, voice a little hoarser than usual, “the entire time I've lived here I haven't received a _single_ visitor, and then I have two in one night.” He was standing from the couch as he spoke, looking just as frustrated as Gavin felt about their interruption.

Gavin settled back into his position on the couch with a smile that was far too sappy, as Nine went over to the door. He rested his head against the back of it and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the handle turning, the door opening, and the voice that followed. And the familiarity of it was enough to make his heart stop.

“I'm here for Gavin, where is he?” The voice demanded, and Gavin chalked up the silence that followed the question as Nine probably scanning him.

“Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Don't play dumb with me, you fucking Android! I got this address from his phone, I know he's here.”

Gavin could have slapped himself. Damn him. Damn him to hell and back for not deleting his stupid fucking messages.

“I don't know how you managed to get this address, but I can assure you that you're not going to find him here.”

“You lying prick! Get the fuck outta my way!”

“ _Excuse-”_

The door was slammed the rest of the way open as the man asserted himself through it and shoved Nine out of the way, stepping into the house to look around it. His eyes scanned the room until they finally landed on the couch where Gavin resided, and Gavin felt his blood run cold as they made eye contact.

“Ryan.”

Ryan was not a small man. He was bigger and more muscled than Gavin could ever hope to be, and every single inch of his body was covered in tattoos, including one on his right temple. His brown hair was scruffy and his usual green eyes were practically black from how blown up his pupils were right now, but Gavin was more annoyed by the fact that he had _his_ favorite fucking ACDC hoodie slung over himself.

“I fucking knew you'd be here. What the fuck do you think your playing at?” Ryan scowled down at him, his face red with anger, “Think you can just walk out like that on me? You're coming home, right now!”

Gavin pulled himself up from the couch painfully, “Ryan, I'm not-”

“I fucking _knew_ there was something goin' on between you and that plastic prick! You've been lying to my face for months.”

“I haven't-”

“You prefer Android dick now, huh? Make you feel like more of a man, you fucking pussy?” Ryan was walking forwards, and Gavin subconsciously took three steps back. “That why you're tryna get out of the deal? So you can fuck me over and spend more time with your lump of metal?”

If Gavin had more courage right now he would have said yes just to see his reaction, except... he didn't have any courage. He was really fucking scared. “No, it's not like that. We're just partners.”

“You're a liar!”

“I'm not lying!” Gavin didn't mean to raise his voice, but he couldn't help it. “I left because you drove me away. You could have killed me.”

Ryan scoffed, rolling his eyes as if he had any goddamn right to do so, “Oh, shut the fuck up, Gavin. I barely touched you.”

“Barely- Look at my fucking face, Ryan! I can't do this anymore.” Gavin could feel himself exploding. It felt like a dormant bomb had just gone off inside of him. Salty tears stung his eyes and clouded his vision and he barely even cared. He couldn't even see where Nine was anymore, but he wished he could. “Two fucking years I've put up with this! Two years of you pretending to love me when all you wanted was something to punch and order around. I don't want to be your punching bag anymore.”

“Oh, come on, baby,” Ryan cooed suddenly, his voice changing drastically, “you know I never meant to hurt you. I _love_ you.”

Gavin flinched at his words. They hurt. Gavin had loved him too, once; before the drugs, before the arguments and the punches. He used to be someone Gavin admired, someone he would have done anything for. This wasn't the same man, and yet seeing him there inside him was enough to make Gavin's mind foggy.

“Why don't you just come home and we'll forget all about this, hm?” Ryan stepped towards him again but this time Gavin felt glued to the spot. “I'll make it up to you. I promise I'll take good care of you.”

Gavin tore his gaze away, shifting his weight where he stood.

“What do you say, baby doll? You gonna come home with me?”

“No.”

Ryan faltered, staring at Gavin like he'd just turned into a spider. “What?”

“I said, _no_.” Gavin repeated with more conviction, finding his voice again. He didn't know how the hell he did it, but he was just happy he had. “I'm not coming back with you. Not this time.”

“The fuck do you mean no?” Ryan scowled, anger creeping back into his tone and his jaw setting. “Are you disobeying me, Gavin? Are you really gonna be that stupid?”

“I don't want to come home with you, Ryan.” Gavin felt his fists tighten either side of his body and wondered where the confidence had come from, and how long it would last. “I don't want anything to do with you anymore. So just fuck off and leave me alone.”

Ryan didn't respond for a good few minutes, and Gavin was sure he'd broke him. He stared at him with a confused expression and grit teeth, looking beyond frustrated, and Gavin almost wanted to savor the look on his face.

Because he'd done it. He'd stood up to him. Whether it worked or not, Gavin didn't really care, it just enough to know that he'd done it.

But when Ryan suddenly growled and cracked his knuckles in front of him, he knew he had fucked up. “You fuckin’ whore! I'll teach you to talk back to me like that. Come here!”

What happened next was all a bit of a blur, and Gavin couldn't help but be absently reminded of the dizziness he had experienced when Mason had shot at him in the warehouse before he had passed out. That same overwhelming surge of panic and fear that made his body stop responding.

Ryan had marched over towards him with his fists clenched and that look in his eyes that Gavin knew all too well, and honestly just seeing that had been enough to make Gavin's body want to shut down. But as he waited for the pain to hit he had managed to make out the image of Ryan suddenly being pulled away, stumbling backward as if being dragged by an invisible force.

No, not invisible. Gavin could make out the form whose hands were grabbing at Ryan's collar, who was pulling him away from Gavin with enough intensity to send him flying back into the wall with a loud thud.

Gavin's hazy mind strung together for long enough to make out the black turtleneck and suspenders, and with that came the dawning realization that it was Nine who had pulled Ryan away like that. Nine, who Gavin had almost forgotten was in the room, who was now striding over to where Ryan's body slumped against the wall with determination and a fire at his temple.

His hands sought out Ryan's arm and he grabbed at it, twisted it, and pressed it into his back whilst shoving his face into the wall. He was centimeters shy of potentially breaking the limb, and it was probably intentional.

Ryan cried out, loud and pained as he struggled defiantly against Nine's grip, but Nine was undoubtedly stronger than him. “What the fuck are you doing, you stupid machine!? Get the fuck off of me, now!”

“I suggest,” Nine spoke low and quiet, and his voice was enough to make Gavin shudder, “that you leave my home this instant before I give you a taste of your own medicine, do you understand me?”

“You can't fucking order me around! I'll beat you to a pulp, asshole!”

“As much as I would _love_ to see you try, I am not interested in participating in your mindless brutality.” Nine pressed his arm up higher, eliciting a yelp of pain from the man he was pinning. “So, you can either leave now, or you can leave with one less limb than you came with. Your choice.”

Ryan growled, struggling against the pain, “Alright, alright! I'll leave, fuck.”

“Good. But first, my partner's phone, if you'd please.” Nine didn't let up on his grip on him as Ryan managed to maneuver his free arm into the pocket of his hoodie and withdrew the phone from inside, which Nine plucked from his hands. “Splendid. Thank you.”

Nine let go of him finally, and that was a bit of an understatement. What he actually did was hoist him away from the wall and then proceed to throw him towards the door, seemingly unbothered about how he slipped and stumbled at the force.

“Leave, _now_. And don't even think about coming back.” Nine warned with a smile, his LED still flashing between red and yellow and his eyes dark enough to scare even Gavin. And Ryan definitely didn't need to be told twice, either.

Once he'd managed to pull himself up from the floor and make sure to give one final glare in Gavin's direction, he raised a shaky hand and prodded a finger towards him. “This ain’t over, Gavin.” He warned, and then reached for the door handle and disappeared outside. The door was slammed shut behind him, and the two of them listened to the faint sound of a car engine humming to life and then speeding away, far from the house.

It was only then that Gavin allowed himself to relax, that his shoulders finally sagged and his breathing returned to normal, content with the fact Ryan was long gone from the house and probably would not be coming back.

He reached an arm out instinctively to steady himself on the couch but instead found himself being supported by the solid figure that appeared in front of him and the strong hands that gripped his shoulders. Gavin was too tired to care about how much he let himself sink into Nine's chest, too overwhelmed by the warmth he could feel emanating off of him and how much he wanted to sink into it.

“Are you alright?” Nine asked, his voice calm and soft and a massive juxtaposition to how it had been with Ryan only moments ago. He carded fingers through Gavin's hair idly as he asked.

“Yeah,” Gavin mumbled into his turtleneck, not caring if it was muffled, “just tired.”

He might not have been able to see Nine's face, but he knew he was smiling. He could hear it when he spoke, “I'm proud of you, Gavin. For standing up against him like that. It takes a lot of courage to do what you just did.”

“Or a lotta stupidity.” Gavin shrugged his shoulders and winced when he felt the pain on his ribs, but it was worth it to hear the laugh in Nine's chest.

“Well, yes. That too.”

“Screw you.”

Nine laughed again, and then he was pulling himself away so he could tilt Gavin's head up, and Gavin just let him like putty in his hands. “Do you need to sleep? I can set up a bed for you?”

“I don't wanna impose.”

“If you were imposing I wouldn't have offered,” Nine pointed out, and Gavin couldn't argue with that. Literally. He was too tired. “Come on, I'll make you another coffee to help settle your nerves.”

The offer was nice, and maybe Gavin would have accepted it, but as soon as his head hit the pillow of the spare bed he was out like a light. Though he could still feel the covers being pulled over him, and he could still feel Nine's presence beside him as Gavin finally let sleep consume him.

And that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	7. fuck you very, very much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone hates Ryan (but what else is new?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title courtesy of Lily Allen.

Waking up on your own accord can sometimes be the best feeling in the world.

There are no alarms ringing in your ears demanding to be switched off. There's no dreaded feeling of anticipation for a long day of work. There's no need to worry when your body pulls you back under for five minutes extra, and no need to panic when you wake up again three hours later.

It's just a slow and steady process as your body gradually comes to life, patient and warm in the comfort of the bed. A moment of delirium when your eyes first open and everything around you is blurry, followed quickly by realization and content as you remember where you are. It's a feeling that Gavin loves.

Unfortunately, it's _not_ how he wakes up.

Gavin wakes bolt upright with sweat dripping down his forehead, pain shooting up his bad arm when he thrashes against the sheets and dull stabs in his gut from the infliction on his ribs. He gasps for air like he's been held underwater, filling his lungs and accelerating his heart, eyes shooting around the room as he tries to remember where the fuck he is.

Images of nightmares are chased away by the soft sheets that surround him, the cream walls and carpeted floor that suddenly become familiar as Gavin's brain catches up with him and reminds him of the night before. Everything that happened with Ryan, getting in the car and driving as far away as possible, Nine protecting him.

Nine _kissing_ him.

Suddenly the nightmare doesn't seem so disorientating; not compared to the shit show that is his life right now. He could hardly comprehend it, it had all happened so fast and now everything was different. Gavin's head is in his hands before he can give himself time to dwell on it, trying to soothe his nerves and focus on the present. No good ever comes from him overthinking things.

His shaking slowly ceases and he manages to get a hold of himself, miraculously. But just as he gets a handle on his fear it immediately spikes again when he spots the Android sat watching him in the bed beside him.

“What the _fuck_?!” Gavin nearly falls out of the bed with how hard he jumps, but luckily he's had enough years in the force for his reflexes to be above the usual notch, “Creepy much? Just fucking sittin' there?”

Nine doesn't say anything for a long time, just stares at him intently. His eyes are glossed over and his LED is spinning yellow and that's enough to worry Gavin, but before he can ask if he's alright Nine's body jolts and Gavin jumps for the third time this morning.

“Jesus.”

“My apologies,” Nine blinks, his gaze still unfocused, “my system was woken up rather suddenly by your awakening. It takes me a few moments to start up, my program needed to organize itself.”

Gavin snorted, “Startup? You sound like a computer.”

“I _am_ a computer, albeit slightly more advanced.”

“Whatever.”

“Are you alright?” Nine's limbs must be responding now because his hand was moving to settle on Gavin's shoulder, tentatively, giving him time to push it away if he wanted to. He did not. “You woke rather unpleasantly.”

“What gave you that impression?” Gavin huffed sarcastically, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “I’m fine. Just a nightmare.”

Nine's fingers massaged into the joints of Gavin's shoulder, his thumb brushing over his collarbone and making Gavin forget why he was stressed in the first place. “Would you like to tell me about it?”

Gavin hesitated. Most of the time he forgot what he had been dreaming about, whether it had been good or bad. Sometimes he could only pick out blurry parts of it, parts that provided little information to go off about what it was. This one, however, he could remember.

Ryan's last words before he had left the house last night stuck in Gavin's mind like glue. His promise that, despite what it seemed, this wasn't over. They must have carried into his sleep because the only thing he had been able to dream about last night was how much Ryan was going to make him suffer for his disobedience next time he saw him. How much pain he was going to put him through. How much pain he was going to put _Nine_ through.

Gavin shuddered. He didn't want to think about it.

“No,” he said, his timid voice not sounding like his own, “no, I don't. Sorry.”

Synthetic hands trailed up the skin of Gavin's neck until Nine's fingers were dragging through his hair and suddenly Gavin was certain he could fall back asleep again, “You don't have to apologize. I understand. However, I believe you hurt your wrist when you woke, do you need me to examine it?”

“Nah, I just knocked it. S'all good.” The pain in Gavin's wrist was anything but good, but it hurt less than it did last night and that was a success in itself. “So, are you gonna explain why you were just sat next to me on the bed?”

Gavin has never seen Nine blush before. He's seen Connor blush when Anderson's made some schmooze comment across the desks and that annoying blue color has crept up his cheeks, coupled with that flirtatious smirk that makes Gavin want to vomit. On Connor, it's annoying. But on Nine, it's breathtaking.

It's only subtle, but Gavin's been working with Nine long enough now that he knows less means more with the Android in question. He can see if his frown is a little deeper than usual or if his smile is just that tiny bit wider, he can see the small details on his face and recognize what they mean. But this blue hue that spreads onto his cheeks now? Gavin has never seen that before.

However, he does know that he would definitely like to see it more often.

“I am worried about you Gavin. Considering your current state I was reluctant to leave you alone, but I also did not want to intrude on your personal space.” Nine cleared his throat, the hand in Gavin's hair stilling briefly, “But I also noticed your stress levels depleted when I was nearby, so I... I guess I just figured-”

“Hey, Nine. Don’t sweat it, alright?” Gavin turns his body carefully so he can face him, it hurts like hell to move but it's worth it to be able to see all of Nine's face. “You don't have to explain. Besides... I'm kinda glad you stayed, even though you nearly gave me a heart attack you asshole.”

Nine smiles and it's Gavin’s firm belief that no one has the right to be that beautiful, “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

They both laugh and Gavin's never heard a nicer sound. At some point, everything that Nine did had become hypnotic for Gavin and he was certain that he could probably sit and listen and watch him all day. In fact, he had half a mind to do just that.

“Should we talk about last night?”

_Nevermind_.

Gavin would have forced some sarcastic comment out to avoid the topic, but his exhausted mind provided him with nothing, “Er, what about it?”

“A number of factors come to mind,” Nine began, his voice smooth and calm as if he were reciting poetry, “at some point we should discuss what you would like to do about your cat and all your other belongings that are in your apartment. I wouldn't like to see you go by yourself, but if that is what you would prefer then I won't stop you. However, I would ask that I come with you, even if I just remain in the car.”

“Oh,” Gavin manages, wondering if he sounded as disappointed as he felt, “we can talk about that.”

“Then what would you like to do?”

Gavin picks at a loose thread of the bed covers and then immediately scolds himself for being so fidgety, “I'd prefer to get everything sooner rather than later, to just... get it outta the way, you know? And I guess there's no harm in you tagging along.”

“Very well.” Nine smiles and Gavin's never been more grateful that he can probably read his emotions. He doesn't have the guts to say how scared he is of going back there, of potentially facing Ryan, of doing it alone. But he doesn't have to because Nine can read him like a book, and even if Gavin doesn't ask he will probably still come along.

Which, to be perfectly honest, Gavin is happy about.

It's fleeting rather suddenly though when Nine continues speaking, “And what about the kiss?”

Gavin feels his heart start hammering in his chest and he's certain that Nine's ears can probably pick up the sound, “The kiss?” Gavin mirrors, rather unintelligibly, mostly because he has no fucking clue what to do right now and he's panicking as usual.

“Yes,” Nine cocks a brow, “you kissed me, remember?”

“Wha-? Hey, you kissed me _back_ , jackass.”

“Correct, however, you initiated it and I won't let you forget that.”

Gavin wanted to slap that cocky smirk right off his face, and for a moment he was actually tempted, “ _I_ initiated it? What about you with your hands all over my face and you being all flirty and shit?”

“Gavin, I have been attempting to court you for the past month. _You_ are the one who finally decided to do something about it.”

“Oh, bite me, tin can.” Gavin crosses his arms across his chest and sulks, whether to avoid the conversation or Nine's gaze, he isn't sure. Because Nine just confessed to a whole month of feeling... whatever this is, and Gavin isn't sure he can stomach it. He couldn't believe Nine actually wanted him, he was an absolute mess and the complete opposite of the articulate, well dressed Android that sat beside him. His mind failed to wrap around it.

“You really should refrain from saying that so often,”Nine mused, glancing at Gavin's lips, “someone might actually take you seriously one of these days.”

Heat spread to Gavin's cheeks like wildfire but before he could protest Nine was cupping his face and pressing their lips together. Gavin could feel his eyes rolling just as he allowed himself to respond, of course, this fucker was just as smooth with his flirting as he was with every other fucking thing.

Not that he was complaining, quite the opposite actually. He'd been desperate to kiss him again as soon as they had parted last night, but being the stubborn guy he is, he couldn't muster up the courage to initiate it again. Once had been enough to make all of Gavin's pride swell.

Nine was still as careful as he had been last time, making sure he didn't knock any of Gavin's limbs or brush over any of his injuries. His touch was soft and comforting and Gavin suddenly had an urge to have them on the rest of his skin; on his chest, his back, his stomach, everywhere. He wanted to know what that would feel like. Wanted to know what Nine's body would feel like under his own hands. How smooth the rest of that synthetic flesh was.

But right now Gavin could barely even turn into the kiss without feeling a stab of pain in his side, so he doubted that would be happening any time soon. He didn't even know if Nine wanted any of that. If Nine could do any of that. If he could even feel this.

His anxiety was suddenly in his throat and he gripped the front of Nine's turtleneck to give his hands something to do, to occupy his mind, but Nine obviously noticed it because of course he fucking did and within seconds they had separated again.

Nine's frown was deep and concerned, “Too much?”

“No, it's fine.” Gavin reassured though he wasn't sure who he was reassuring. “I was just wonderin' if you, er, were enjoying it.”

Nine paused, then arched a brow.

“Well, I dunno! The fuck do I know about Androids?” Gavin scoffed defensively, “I dunno if you can feel this or... anything.”

“I was built to replicate a human.” Nine said, matter-of-factly.

“And...?”

“And that includes sensory simulation and nerve endings where a humans would be. Though, in my case, they are wires.” A chuckle left Nine's lips and Gavin felt the vibration where his hands were gripping the material of his clothes. “So, yes, I can feel it, and I assure you that I am most definitely enjoying myself.”

“Huh.”

“Are you?”

“I've had worse.” Gavin shrugged his shoulders, because he’s shitty, and for a second he was able to push his pride to one side and let his lips quirk upwards. “Guess I just thought you Androids were supposed to be amazin’ at everything.”

One of Nine's brows raised, amusement playing on his features, “Are you challenging me, Detective?”

“Maybe.” Gavin licked his lips, unable to help himself. “Prove me wrong, tin can.”

Nine considered him momentarily, and Gavin felt a shudder go down his spine when Nine's eyes watched the movement of his tongue. His toes curled in anticipation, ready to eat up his own words when Nine showed him just how good he really was. But just when he thought Nine would move, he pulled away with a sigh.

“Perhaps now is not the best time.” Nine said, and Gavin had to repeat his words to make sure he wasn't making them up. “As much as I would love to rise to your challenge and prove you wrong, I fear that your injuries are still causing you extreme agony and you should be focusing on allowing yourself to heal.”

“Screw that. I'm fine.”

“Liar.” Nine reprimanded, and just like that he was standing from the bed. It was at that point that Gavin realized just how warm Nine must have been because now he was gone there was a chill and he had to pull the covers over himself again. “I will make you some breakfast and coffee, and bring you some more painkillers if you require them.”

Gavin willed the blush on his cheeks to fuck off, “You don't have to do that.”

“No, I don't. But I _want_ to.”

“Fuckin' deviants.”

Nine laughed, closed-mouthed and brief as always. Gavin couldn't help but wonder what it would look like if he _really_ laughed, carefree and open-mouthed. He couldn't picture it.

“I'll get started on breakfast. I want you to stay in bed and rest, I can't imagine work will be very enjoyable tomorrow if you can't even stand.”

Gavin groaned at the thought of work tomorrow, the thought of all those reports he had piled up on his desk at the station, the thought of getting up at 6:30. It made him want to crawl back under the sheets and sleep for another solid year. If only.

Nine disappears to make breakfast and Gavin obeys his orders for a good hour before getting up for a cigarette.

* * *

The car pulls up outside Gavin's apartment later in the afternoon, and Nine switches off the engine whilst Gavin revels in his anxiety in the passenger seat. Just looking at the building complex is enough to make Gavin want to vomit, and he briefly contemplates asking Nine to turn the car around and take them back to the safety of his house.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Nine inquires worriedly, making Gavin immediately abandon his doubt and put on a brave face, a false bravado that neither of them believed.

“I'm sure. I'll have to do it sooner or later anyway, might as well be sooner.”

Nine's confidence seems just as fabricated as his own, his LED spinning yellow with unease, “And if we encounter Ryan? What would you like to do?”

“Nothin’. We just leave and come back another time.” Gavin speaks firmly, with the hopes it'll mask his own anxiety. “I don't want any trouble. If we do see him and he's angry, _don't_ retaliate, alright?”

“What? Gavin-”

“Just do this one thing for me, Nine. I don't want to sink to his level. Please, just promise me you won't hurt him, no matter what.”

Nine hesitated, but after a few minutes his LED settled back to blue and that conflicted expression disappeared from his face. “Alright. I promise.”

“Good.” Gavin sighed, giving one final glance towards the house before popping the car door open. “Let's get this over with.”

Much to their relief, there's no sign of Ryan anywhere in the apartment. Gavin lets them in with his key and they spend a good half an hour quickly packing up all of his things. They don't talk about the red ice and other narcotics littered around the room, and they definitely don't talk about the naked girl sleeping in Gavin's bed, they simply just collect his belongings and leave.

An hour later, Gavin's unpacking all of his stuff in Nine's spare room and making himself at home, at Nine's request, and Lucifer is snooping around the house and getting used to her new surroundings.

It takes Nine two head strokes for the bitch to fall in love with him.

* * *

Monday is a quiet day at the station. There aren't many cases and the ones that do need looking into require the victims to come into the office, so there's really no need to go speeding off in cars or racing into dangerous locations with guns at the ready. It's just calm and peaceful, and Nine's already made Gavin about five coffees.

They decide to not talk about it at work, or at least keep it under wraps. Everyone's noticed how rough and tired Gavin looks but they know better than to ask about it. Some inquiries are passed Nine's way, however, but Gavin's happy to hear Nine change the subject or shrug his shoulders whenever he's asked.

Other than that Gavin just spends the day filling in his reports from last week and looking into possible cases for the next few days, and for the first time in a while, he doesn't feel weighed down about it. He's content and happy, doing the job he loves opposite the Android he loves and drinking the coffee he fucking adores. He isn't thinking about Ryan or his life, about what could happen when he gets home tonight. Because Nine is his home now, and it's safe and all Gavin's ever wanted.

And honestly? He doesn't trust it for a second.

Everything's going too well. Nothing good ever lasts in Gavin's life, not one single thing. Why would this be any different? Knowing his bloody luck, he'll probably step outside and get struck by lightning and he wouldn't even be slightly surprised.

The thought of this not lasting is enough to break Gavin's rose-tinted glasses and make him slump in his chair, just like that the happiness he so desperately craved was being chased away by the overwhelming mass of his own insecurity. His mind is racing and sowing doubts that give Gavin a hundred more reasons to believe that this - _whatever_ it is - will not last.

Nine is a better person than he is. He's faster, stronger, superior in every way. He deserves better. He could _do_ better. He will _find_ better. Gavin is just temporary.

Gavin downs the rest of the coffee on his desk in a single sip, ignoring how much the cup shakes in his unsteady hands and focuses solely on the burning caffeine entering his system. He prays it will settle his nerves and help him get a grip on this stupid anxiety in his chest.

In the corner of his eye, he spots Nine looking over at him from his own desk and wills the trembling to stop, “Is everything alright, Detective Reed?”

Professionalism. This is why Gavin hates workplace relationships. Everything is business as usual despite whatever may have happened between them; a dirty secret not to be spoken of until the door closed back in the house. He looks over at Anderson and his plastic pet acting just as work partners should and maintaining their work relationship separately from the relationship everyone in the bullpen knows they probably have at home. He wonders how they do it so effortlessly.

“Yep,” Gavin pushes out, acting as if he wasn't currently clamping his teeth together, “fuckin' peachy.”

“I get the sense that isn't the case.”

“I'm fine. Stop bustin' my balls.” There's no telling why exactly Gavin is angry, why he's being so shitty with the guy who potentially saved his life two days ago. His anxiety often comes out of his mouth in the form of harsh words and insults and Gavin doesn't really know how to do it any other way. It's something he really needs to work on.

Nine leans forward on his desk coolly, hands entwined in front of him and a look on his face that sees right through Gavin, “Your fear and stress levels are fluctuating. What has made you so unexpectedly worried?”

Gavin sighs loud enough for the whole precinct to hear. He couldn't help but wonder how much easier it would be if Nine couldn't read the emotions on his face; if he wasn't able to constantly call him out on his bullshit. They probably wouldn't be at the place they were now, he'd wager.

“I'm just overthinkin’ things. Nothin' new.”

“What exactly?” Nine cocks his head, their conversation now hushed. “Are you worried about Ryan?”

He had been worried about Ryan originally before his fear had spiraled out of control and made him panic about every other little thing. But technically Ryan was the cause of his anxiety, so Gavin nodded his head once in confirmation.

The smile Nine gives him isn't pitying; he knows Gavin hates that too much. It's more reassuring than anything, “I understand. It's alright to be concerned. But, as I have said before, I will do everything in my power to protect you from him should he ever make himself known again. There's no need to dwell on it here, this is the last place he would ever consider showing his face.”

Gavin knows Nine is right, which is why he nods his head again in response, but it doesn't make his anxiety go away completely. Nine knows that too, but he also knows better than to dwell on it. Gavin does not like getting emotional at the station, and if they keep talking he has no doubt he probably will.

So he returns to work to take his mind off it, blissfully unaware of the fact that in precisely two hours time Nine would be eating his own words.

At the end of their shift, Gavin has succeeded in filling out more reports than he ever has in a single day, because he was determined to do so or just because he had been really trying to occupy his mind, he isn't too sure. When Fowler asks though, it's the prior.

Gavin's ready to leave at 4:50, but Nine doesn't rise from his desk until 5:00 on the dot. There used to be a part of Gavin that thought it was annoying, how fucking precise and dedicated Nine was about time and work, but now it just added to the already sky-high list of things he found endearing about him.

As he wipes the stupid fond grin off his face, he can't help but wonder when exactly he developed this teenage girl crush on his partner. He tries to pretend it's only recently, but really he knows he's been head over heels for the Android since the first two weeks they had worked together.

Obviously then it had been a different story; Gavin was in a relationship and Nine was still a little stiff and unsure, but now Gavin could hardly contain the want to press him against a wall and kiss him whenever he did one of his stupid Android mannerisms.

“Ready to go?” Nine asks, draping the coat he doesn't need over his arm.

“Yeah. Let's get outta here.” Gavin's more eager to leave than he wants to admit. He wants to get home and drop the annoying business charade and let Nine kiss all of his anxiety away. It wouldn't deplete completely, obviously, but it was a bloody good distraction.

The security gate opens for them as they head out of the station and Gavin's pulling out his phone to look through his notifications. He's done well to avoid his phone today and he's quite proud of himself for it; there was a once a time when he would spend whole work days on it rather than doing any reports or cases. Now he feels more content just ignoring it and checking it when he's finished.

He scrolls through the small list of pop-ups he has; a text from Chen when she had been too lazy to get up and get donuts herself, an email from his mother probably telling him all about Eli's latest achievements that Gavin could not give two shits about, a missed call from Ryan, and some other notifications about updates he can get for his phone or someth-

Gavin pauses, scrolls back up. Missed call from Ryan. He reiterates it in his head and feels his heart rate speed up as he confirms it's definitely his number.

He must have stopped walking because he was no longer moving, just staring down at the phone in his hands as his mind tried to figure out a reason why Ryan could have called him. Why Ryan would want to speak to him.

Instinctively he opens his mouth to call Nine, but when his head moves up to try and see where he was the name catches in his throat as he sees the Android in question stationed just a little ways away from him, staring towards the entrance of the office with a red LED whirring at his temple.

Gavin follows his gaze to see what he's looking at it and it doesn't take long to spot the familiar brown hair and green eyes that glare back at him from the entrance of the precinct another one of Gavin's fucking hoodies.

Ryan pushes himself up from where he was leaning against the wall, shoving his hands into his pockets and approaching Gavin without even sparing a glance at Nine, “You didn't answer my call.”

His voice is terrifying. Gavin's been afraid of Ryan since the first time he got a little too rough with him, but somehow now he is more frightening than he ever has been. More frightening than all the times he's been off his head on drugs and beaten Gavin until he can't think anymore.

Gavin stutters on his words, barely even remembering how to speak, “What are you doing here?”

“I've come to take you home, obviously,” Ryan scoffs as if there was no need for an explanation, “I always pick you up on Mondays, remember?”

“Ryan, we're not- that's not how it works anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Ryan smiles, stepping closer to him and making Gavin's whole body go rigid. He notices Nine move forward too in the corner of his eye. “Don't tell me you're still fixating on our little disagreement the other day? I thought you were more mature than that.”

Gavin huffs air that makes him feel winded, “ _Disagreement_? Ryan, we broke up. End of story.”

“I apologized for that, baby. We shouldn't let one fight ruin what we have.”

“We don't 'have' _anything_.”

Ryan laughs, low and amused and everything Gavin hates, “Don't be silly, Gav. Just come with me and I'll make it up to you, yeah? We can grab some dinner and forget any of this ever happened.”

The part of Gavin that’s afraid of the fight threatens to give in to Ryan's request, too exhausted to argue and definitely in too much agony to cope with any more injuries on his person. But luckily, he isn't alone, and before his mouth can catch up with his brain Nine asserts himself between the two of them and forces Ryan to take a step back.

“Terribly sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid Detective Reed is not accompanying you anywhere.” Nine smiles, his voice cool and collected and all that Gavin wishes he could be in this moment. A terrible realization dawns on him that, if Nine were not with him, Gavin would have probably gone with Ryan just like that.

Ryan's face is a picture when Nine separates them, and the scowl only deepens at his words, “The fuck does it have to do with you? Get out of the way, tin can, before I move you by force.”

“You may threaten me all you wish, but that still won't change the fact that Gavin is not coming with you.”

“And why the fuck are you speaking for him, huh?” Ryan's face is red with anger and his voice has raised an octave. He focuses his attention back on Gavin over Nine's shoulder. “Can't even stand up for yourself now? Gotta get your plastic boy toy to do it for you? Didn't fucking take you long to move on.”

Gavin can hardly comprehend the words he's hearing, and as his own anger rises he finds enough courage to step up again. “ _Me_? You're one to talk. Don't pretend like you ain’t got one of your fucking clients all sexed up in my bed.”

“How the fuck do you know that?”

“Because we _saw_ her, Ryan! I came to get my stuff and found some girl wrapped up in my fucking sheets.”

“What? When did you get your stuff?” Ryan's anger is momentarily replaced by confusion, and Gavin could have punched something. He was well aware that their conversation was gaining the attention of others around the office, but he was too riled up to care about other people right now.

“See? You haven't even noticed that I've gone. You're too far up your own arse to even realise.”

Ryan's fists clenched at his sides again and he advanced, stepping toward him again without hesitation, “The fuck did you just say to me?”

Nine's hand extends before Ryan can even get close, shoving into his shoulder and forcing him back again as Gavin instinctively moves behind him. He hates how afraid he still is of him, hates how much of a coward he probably looks right now in front of his coworkers. He can hear Anderson mumbling to, presumably, Connor somewhere behind him and half wonders what they're making of the argument playing out before them.

“You should leave now,” Nine warns and Gavin absently notices his LED is still red, “nothing good will come from this, Ryan. You're only going to make it worse for yourself. It's best if you just turn around and go back to where you came from.”

“Would you just fucking stay outta this?!” Ryan glowers at him, “No machine is gonna tell me what to do. This is none of your business.”

“You hurt him. You made it my business.”

“I can do what I like! He's mine.”

“Not anymore.”

“Why the fuck do you even care so much?”

“Because I love him.”

A beat. No one says a word. The surrounding officers and staff members are all silent as they watch the argument unfold and Gavin and Ryan are both just as speechless as each other. Nine blinks calmly as he lets his words hang in the air for a minute, no sign of regret or worry on his face for his confession.

Gavin has to repeat the sentence in his head a few times to make sure he had definitely heard it right. To make sure he wasn't imagining that Nine, his work partner, had just confidently declared his feelings in front of, not only Gavin but his ex and all of his colleagues. It was all so surreal that for a moment Gavin considered he may still be asleep in bed, and this whole thing was just a weird dream.

Nevertheless, Nine continues, “I love him and I will protect him from the likes of you. He does not deserve the treatment you so shamefully distribute and you are most definitely not worth his admiration or respect. If you could muster up half the IQ you lack, you will realize that your best option here is to leave and never return.”

Gavin's staring at Nine with an inability to keep his mouth shut, his heart pounding against his chest as he listens to Nine's words and feels them soak into his being. There are so many different emotions swimming around inside of his head right now, but all Gavin wants to do is run to Nine and cradle the words he speaks so openly and never let them go.

Ryan shifts his weight where he stands, his pride is wounded and embarrassment and anger fill his expression to the point where he looks like he might burst. There is a moment when it looks as if Ryan really will leave, and relief floods Gavin's body at the thought of seeing the back of his head, but just as quick Ryan is suddenly rounding on Nine with all the fury he can muster.

“You fucking prick! I'll fucking kill you!”

Ryan attacks Nine with everything he can, rushing over to him and shoving him back with unrelenting force. The impact barely moves Nine's body but that doesn't derail Ryan's attempts. Gavin's brain can hardly catch up with what's happening, and all he can seem to do is stand there and watch as Ryan repeatedly hits Nine with all of his strength and Nine stands there and takes it.

A fist collides with the side of Nine's face and Gavin's eyes focus on the trail of Thirium that drips down his nose, and then where the ring on Ryan's finger digs into the synthetic skin of Nine's cheekbone and leaves a small gash that leaks blue blood too. Nine's LED flashes rapidly between red and yellow, but still, he remains stoic.

Streams of questions push through Gavin's foggy mind. Why isn't he fighting back? Why doesn't he do something? Why won't he defend himself? Gavin knows just as well as everyone else does that Nine could probably end the fight in two seconds flat without barely lifting a finger. So why doesn't he? Why won't he retaliate? Why won't he at least try to-

_Oh_.

Realization washes over Gavin like a strong tide on a miserable beach. Conversations from the previous day appearing in his head and reminding Gavin his exact words to Nine yesterday afternoon upon arriving at his apartment.

_“And if we encounter Ryan? What would you like to do?”_

_“Nothin’. We just leave and come back another time. I don't want any trouble. If we do see him and he's angry, don't retaliate, alright?”_

_'What? Gavin-'_

_“Just do this one thing for me, Nine. I don't wanna sink to his level. Please, just promise me you won't hurt him, no matter what.”_

_“...Alright. I promise.”_

There's an awful moment of clarity where Gavin knows it's his fault that Nine is allowing himself to be treated this way. That Nine is just obeying his wishes and doing as he asked, even if it results in him getting hurt. Guilt eats at him and, as he stares at the scene in front of him, he understands he is the only one who can stop it.

With more confidence than he's ever possessed in his entire life, Gavin marches over to the two of them, grabs Ryan's arm and yanks him away from Nine. Ryan is a lot stronger than Gavin but this sudden belief in himself has provided him with all the strength he needs to send him tumbling a few steps back. Ryan blinks in confusion, but before he has a chance to register what just happened, Gavin's fist connects with his nose and sends him falling back against the ground.

Ryan hits the floor with a thud, crying out in agony as blood erupts from his nose and streams down his face. He brings up a hand to clutch there tightly, eyes screwing shut whilst he tries to process who just hit him. Gavin silently praises the God he doesn't believe in that it wasn't his dominant wrist he had sprained the other day, else, confidence or not, that would have hurt like a bitch.

“Gavin? What the _fuck_?” Ryan mumbles after a moment, words muffled by the hand over his mouth. He pulls back and stares down at the blood on his fingers like he can't quite believe it, and Gavin revels in the expression on his face.

But he wasn't done yet.

Reaching behind him, Gavin unhooks the handcuffs he always keeps on his person from his belt and moves over toward the bloodied man on the floor, forcing his hands behind his back and cuffing his wrists together. Ryan splutters several complaints out that Gavin doesn't care enough to listen to as he recites the speech he is all too familiar with by now.

“Ryan Lewis, you are under arrest for the attempted assault of a police officer, _and_ on suspicion of the production and supply of narcotics.” Gavin began as he secured the cuffs tightly around Ryan's wrist, and shoved him forcefully when he opened his mouth to protest. “You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

“The fuck? Gavin, this is _bullshit_!” Ryan struggled against his restraints, and Gavin wasn't ashamed to admit he was enjoying himself. “You can't arrest me! You've got no proof I've done anything!”

Gavin scoffed defiantly and glanced over to Nine, who was in the process of idly wiping away the Thirium on his lips, “Actually, I think my partner has a substantial amount of evidence against you in his memory archives. After all, he did see the inside of your apartment.”

“Yes, I happen to have a few things.” Nine smiled, somehow still as regal looking as ever despite the smears of blue blood on his face. The smile he had was set more on Gavin, and when he spotted it he felt a warmth blossom in his chest from the way he was looking at him. Proud and fond, and with love, apparently.

It was still something Gavin couldn't quite process, but perhaps now was not the best time for it.

Ryan was hauled to his feet as he kept on complaining but was soon shut up when several other officers came to Gavin's aid and started to take Ryan away to the holding cells. Gavin exchanged one final look with him, in which Ryan just glared and glowered, but Gavin kept his head high and didn't let his confidence falter for a minute.

And then, when Gavin had made sure Nine was alright, they proceeded to head back into the station to fill out more reports on the man they had just arrested and provide the evidence that Nine had stored away in his database.

They were content to find enough proof to have Ryan locked up for the next 15 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


	8. warning: physical contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nine admits he enjoys chick flicks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 17,000 words in total in this chapter, you’d best grab a hot drink and a snack.
> 
> there's now a prequel to this work! go read [before i knew you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524548/chapters/38707670) for more insight into our boy's lifes~
> 
> Feel free to check out my other dbh fic for Hank and Connor — [voicemail](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511212/chapters/36005445) — and have a fantastic day. Muchas love~

It's 8:36 when Gavin finally leaves the station; three and a half hours later than he should have finished. Exhaustion presses behind his eyelids and reminds him of how bloody long this day has been; of how much has happened.

Three hours and yet he still couldn't quite process it all. It's taken this long for the realization to dawn on him that Ryan is officially gone. Not coming back, at least, for a very long time.

With three counts of assault and a charge for possession and manufacturing of Red Ice and various other narcotics, Ryan is looking at a potential fifteen years in jail — if not more — for the crimes he has committed. He hadn't coughed straight away, but Mason Walker had when he was offered a significantly shorter sentence in exchange for information.

Apparently, Walker had more dirt on Ryan than Gavin was ever even aware of. The series of events and questions unveils three counts of burglary, another count for assault, a link to Black Market deals that suggest Ryan may have been involved with several other suppliers and Synth Traders, and two suspected rape attempts.

Ryan says nothing when confronted, but he doesn't need to. Nine's programming picks up no dishonesty in Walker's statement, no confession is necessary.

It leaves a horrible pit of acid in Gavin's stomach to learn this; to learn he wasn't the only person who suffered so violently at the hands of that bastard. To know that, maybe, had he of swallowed his pride and come clean about what was happening to him months ago — other people may have not had to go through the same treatment.

Guilt eats at him and makes his anxiety skyrocket, but at this point, what doesn't?

Fowler had asked Gavin for a statement himself, being so closely involved in what was happening, and after an hour of protest, he had reluctantly agreed under the promise that the questioning is done in strict confidentiality. Fowler recommended that Gavin tells them everything he knows about Ryan — about their relationship.

Every. Single. Detail.

The idea in itself made Gavin squirm, if only just minutely — because every single detail meant _every single detail_ , and Gavin wasn't a hundred percent certain he was ready to talk about that; if he even had the willpower to force it out. Yet, the deep-seated need to see Ryan behind bars was stronger than the rest of his thoughts, so he would go and give his bloody statement and get it over with.

Anderson was surprised to learn that he was the one who Gavin wanted to be interviewed by —after being given the choice of every officer in the entire bullpen, but he still agrees to do so and doesn't ask any questions. Apart from the ones he needs to, of course.

Ryan's appearance in the station this afternoon was somewhat of a blur for Gavin, but he could faintly remember the Lieutenant being present somewhere in the background, and he knows Hank is intelligent enough to have been able to decipher what had probably transpired between the two of them. Which is, likely, why he kept his usual shitty banter on standby.

Gavin can't bring himself to be questioned by Nine. He half expected him to be upset about the ordeal, but actually, he agreed it was for the best. That his opinion would be largely biased in Gavin's favor and would only end in him wanting to kill Ryan — more than he already does. Gavin doesn't know how to feel about this information, or what to do with it, but in the end, he takes it as flattery.

Nevertheless, Hank was more than happy to oblige when Gavin asked, and honestly, it wasn't as awkward as Gavin thought it would be. It wasn't like they had never got on; they used to be quite good friends before Cole died, but stuff like that fucks you up and makes you push people away, and Hank couldn't have pushed further.

It reminded him now why he liked Hank so much. He's known the guy for god knows how long now, and he used to be someone Gavin looked up to and respected, and maybe secretly still did. He knew how to handle situations like this, how to talk and hold himself, having been subject to a few of them over the course of his career, no doubt.

Gavin tried not to think about all the other people who have sat in this room talking about their awful partners.

Hank's not the sympathetic type, either — which Gavin's really fucking grateful for. There's no pitying looks or gut—wrenching “ _I’m sorry’s_ ” exchanged across the table, acts of charity that Gavin resents. Hank sits and listens and does not undermine Gavin in any way. He does, however, give his shoulder a light squeeze on the way out of the interrogation room, but Gavin finds he doesn't mind that as much.

Fowler calls Gavin into the office one final time before he's allowed to leave and he already knows what kind of speech to expect — the accusations of: “ _you let your team down”, “you've been withholding evidence”, “I outta fire you on the spot”._  Gavin braces himself for the latter, the one he expects the most, and waits for it whilst he sits and listens to the awful silence in the office.

But instead, Fowler thanks him for a job well done and gives him some time away from work, which is... an unexpected development, but Gavin, for once, does not complain. He accepts the week's recovery time, but only after ensuring he still gets paid for it — Gavin can hardly afford to lose out on a week's wages, despite how much of a fucking rest he needs.

Now, as Gavin emerges from the DPD, he's just really looking forward to slumping down onto a couch with a drink. To getting away from everyone in the station and being alone for a while. Or, at least, alone with Nine and his demon cat.

He and Nine haven't really had a chance to speak since everything happened with Ryan a few hours prior, not by themselves, at least, and this fact makes Gavin realize how much they need to talk.

Yet, they're silent as they walk out of the station and silent as they drive home. It isn't an uncomfortable or awkward silence, far from it — Gavin actually feels more at peace listening to the quiet between them than he has in weeks; quite content to enjoy his company in the confined space of the car.

Nine is the one who is driving, surprise surprise, after insisting that Gavin was nowhere near well enough to be doing so. Gavin brushes it aside. The pain has lessened significantly by now and the only thing that is really hurting is his wrist, but the painkillers he swallowed before leaving the station should take that away soon enough.

Other than that he feels perfectly fine, albeit a bit exhausted, but he doesn't offer any complaints when Nine decides he'll drive. It gives him some time to recuperate in the car, to pull his thoughts together and figure out exactly what kind of conversation he wants to have with Nine when they return to his house.

But, even after the twenty-minute drive is done and dusted, Gavin still hasn't managed to coherently string together a few words — let alone a conversation.

Anxiety bubbles in the pit of his stomach as they pull up outside of Nine's house, knowing they can no longer delay the talk they were about to have — knowing _Gavin_ can no longer delay it. It's a strange fear that settles somewhere between unease and the feeling of knowing you're about to vomit, and Nine picks up on the fluctuation of his emotions before Gavin can even fathom why it's happening.

“Are you alright, Detective?” Nine asks, “You seem preoccupied.”

The lump in Gavin's throat is unrelenting and he bites his tongue to hold back the urge to say something witty and sarcastic because of course, he's fucking preoccupied. Instead, he settles on, “Yeah, I'm fine. Jus’ tired.”

Not entirely a lie, he is exhausted. Nine sees it too, “I understand. It's been a long day.”

“Yeah.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Gavin fidgets with his sleeve, picking at the threads. “I, er... kinda think we have to.”

“It's your choice.”

Hesitation creeps into his voice for probably the fifth time in the conversation already but Gavin stays determined, “Sure, just... not here. Inside. With a drink.”

Nine nods as he says, “Of course.”

Falling into a seat has never felt so comfortable as when Gavin slumps down onto Nine's couch a few minutes later, inside and tucked away from the world against, what Gavin currently perceives as, the softest pillows ever known to man. Boots and coats are kicked off and it's mere seconds before Lucifer makes her way into the living room and jumps up onto the space beside Gavin.

She immediately nuzzles into Gavin's lap as if she can sense he's had a long day, or it might just be because the bitch is hungry. Either way, Gavin brushes his fingers through her soft fur affectionately and appreciates the warmth and comfort she provides.

“On this one occasion,” Nine announces as he emerges from the kitchen Gavin hadn't even seen him walk into, startling him, “I will willingly provide you with alcohol. Every other time henceforth I will complain about its terrible health risks and long-term effects.”

He places a glass of scotch down on the coffee table in front of Gavin, perfect cubes of ice floating at the surface that Gavin wants to scoff at. A smirk settles on his face before he can stop it, “You sound like my doctor.”

“You should listen to your doctor.”

“Hard to listen to a guy who comes in stinkin' of booze himself every day,” Gavin reaches for the glass with his bad hand, and shifts to his other arm to rectify the situation, “if you ain't gonna practice what you preach, don't preach it.”

A gorgeous smile adorns Nine's face that Gavin finds himself wanting to just stare at, “A wise ideology.”

“I guess.”

“We seem to be beating around the bush. We should be talking about what happened at the station today, instead we have gone slightly off topic.”

“Yeah, _no shit_ , Sherlock.” Gavin huffs half-heartedly into his glass of scotch, “That's kinda the point.”

“Gavin, if you don't wish to talk, then—”

“No, it's fine. I know we gotta, just... lemme finish my drink first, alright?”

There's a brief hum of silence in which Gavin and Nine lock eyes as he waits for an answer, and Gavin suddenly finds himself wishing he couldn't see the yellow whirring of Nine's LED, but Nine concedes and nods all the same and lets Gavin finish his drink in peace.

They're sat close enough that their arms are pressing together and if Gavin moves his hand a few inches to the side he can lace his fingers between Nine's, some form of contact in the few minutes of silence. He briefly considers doing it, wanting to know what that would feel like, but before his hand has even shifted Luci starts whining about the lack of attention and Gavin has to return his fingers to her fur.

Nine's lips quirk upward as if he knows what Gavin wanted to do just from that small movement, but he doesn't act on it and he still doesn't speak, and won't until the glass is empty and Gavin is ready to continue.

Ice rattles against the bottom of the glass as it's placed back down firmly on the coffee table and Gavin continues to stare at it as he settles back into the couch, thinking about where to start. There's so much it almost feels impossible to pick a place to begin, which is why Gavin settles for the most obvious of all of them.

“Ryan's gone.” He breathes out slowly as if he didn't quite believe it himself. Which he didn't.

The whirl of Nine's LED indicator signifies a disbelief of the same multitude, “Correct. I overheard the Captain say the final estimation of his sentence is fifteen years in total. I estimated differently — he could potentially be sentenced for longer should those crimes Mr. Walker mentioned turn out to be accurate. But yes, he is gone.”

“I can't wrap my head around it.” Gavin stares at the glass ahead of him as if he could will it to fill back up with scotch. “All those months and just like that... he's gone. I shoulda talked about it sooner. Maybe then he wouldn't have—”

He didn't finish the sentence. He can't even get the words out, can't talk about all those other people who have suffered at Ryan's hands. It sticks in his throat with the rest of his overwhelming guilt. A steady tremor goes through one of his hands that he barely notices, but Nine, obviously, does.

“You shouldn't blame yourself, Gavin. The situation was out of your hands — you had no way of knowing what Ryan was doing outside of your home.”

“No, but I knew what he was capable of.” Gavin scowls, “I knew he was a shitty enough person to beat his own boyfriend, I shoulda guessed he'd be able to hurt other people just as easily.”

Nine doesn't respond, his LED spinning rapidly as he tries to think of what to say. He always has an answer for everything, regardless of the situation, yet now he is speechless. Had the circumstances been a little more lighthearted, Gavin would have been proud of rendering the Android so unusually quiet.

Another thought absently occurs in Gavin's mind; that he's never actually said it out loud until now. Ryan beats him. _Had_ beaten him. It doesn't hurt to say it anymore, not really. It just feels... numb. As if some part of his life has just been blacked out.

Gavin decides he prefers it this way.

“You should be proud of yourself, you know.” Nine says finally, flawing Gavin for a moment, “I know standing up against Ryan like that wasn't easy, but you did it and now you never have to face him again. Everyone at the station saw how well you handled yourself. They are all proud of you — and so am I.”

Heat creeps up the back of Gavin's neck and onto his cheeks, accompanied quickly by the upturn of his lips. It's been a while since someones been proud of him. It makes his insides feel warm and fuzzy and, for once, he doesn't hate it.

He tries to express his gratitude but “ _thank you”_ gets lost somewhere between his brain and mouth and all he can muster instead is a small “ _mm”_ noise and a nod of his head. Nine doesn't complain though — he never does. He understands how shit Gavin is with emotions, maybe because he experienced difficulty with them himself not so long ago, so he never has to worry for too long about not being able to express himself.

Gavin clears his throat when he notices there's been a long period of silence between them, “Why didn't you defend yourself?” He asks because he's been wanting to ask for the last three hours. “Earlier, when Ryan turned on you. Why didn't you stop him?”

“It wouldn't have amounted to anything.” Nine responds, simply, “The only thing that would be different is that Ryan would have been arrested with a broken arm and I would have received a disciplinary. It didn't seem worth my effort.”

Gavin smirks at the thought. He can't help but entertain the idea of Nine breaking Ryan's arm — snapping it in half like a twig, probably. He's relieved he didn't, because a disciplinary is the last thing either of them need on their hands right now, but the thought of that strength, unrelenting and _powerful_ , is enough to make Gavin shudder.

He decides not to address that the thought of Nine breaking his ex’s arm makes him... horny? Seems to weird.

“Additionally, I promised you that I would not harm him under any circumstances, no matter what. I wasn't about to break that promise — unless he had turned on you. _Then_ I would have made an exception.”

Gavin, once again, ignores the blush on his cheeks. “Yeah, but I didn't mean to that extent. He coulda really hurt you, Nine.”

“I don't feel pain. I was not overly concerned.”

“Nine, you were fuckin' _bleeding_.”

“And I'm fine.” Nine states with certainty, one of the hands in his lap unfolding and settling on Gavin's knee. “Your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary. I promise you, I wasn't harmed in any way.”

Gavin hesitates, “You sure? No... dislodged wires or anythin'?”

Nine's eyes gloss over momentarily and he blinks in time with his LED, running a diagnostic. Gavin has seen him do it enough times by now to recognize it. “All systems fully operational. I'm fine.”

A smile finally settles on Gavin's mouth, more assured now. Half of the tension in his shoulders disappears and Gavin realizes most of his stress had been caused by worry for Nine's wellbeing — and now that was gone, it left only one other thing. Nine must sense the exact moment the thought clicks in Gavin's mind because his hand tightens on Gavin's knee and his LED flickers briefly.

Gavin's gaze flicks between the two movements, settles on the hand on his knee, using that as his focal point. “What you said... to Ryan. About me.”

Nine blinks once, not responding to Gavin's question. It takes him a second to realize he hasn’t actually asked him anything yet.

“Yes?”

“Did you—” Gavin tongues his bottom lip when it becomes unexpectedly dry, “Did you mean that? What you said?”

Nine's fingers shift on Gavin's knee minutely, so faintly that he almost misses it. His eyes remain fixed on him, though, as he says, “Yes.”

“But... _how_?” Gavin manages, the question sounding just as stupid out loud as it had inside his head. No, actually, Gavin decides — it sounded worse. “How can you know that? How can you mean that? We've barely even kissed twice. You don't just fall in _love_ after _two kisses_.”

“Perhaps not,” Nine muses, sounding far too fucking casual for this sort of conversation, “though I wouldn't know. This is not a recent emotion for me, and certainly did not transpire just because of our kiss.”

“...It didn't?”

“Not in the slightest. I've been experiencing this for just over a month now.” Nine admits carelessly, “At first I didn't understand it, having never felt it before. I simply thought it meant I enjoyed spending time with you — but it became excessive to the point where I could hardly go a day without having you on my mind. It was rather infuriating, actually.”

Gavin's staring at Nine in disbelief. He can see his mouth moving and hear the words coming from his lips, but he still refuses to believe it.

“Then I found myself wanting your company whenever you were otherwise occupied and feeling either extreme disappointment if I could not see you, or an embarrassingly high level of exuberance if I could. There were several points when I assumed my systems were malfunctioning, but I ran hundreds of diagnostics and found nothing. It was almost as confusing as my first month as a Deviant. I had to resort to research to try and determine the cause.”

“What kinda research?”

“Films and television programmes, mostly. Some videos on the internet. A few of them were a little far-fetched, but they served their purpose. I got a brief idea of what emotion I was experiencing after the third or fourth movie.”

Gavin snorts. He can't help it. He tries to imagine a scenario where Nine sits in his living room with his eyes glued on the television, watching chick flicks to try and understand what love is. He can't picture it.

He pushes the amusement away long enough to focus again, “Why didn't you say anythin'?”

“I didn't want to act until I was a hundred percent certain on what I was feeling, and even then I was hesitant due to your... personal affairs. It wasn't long after that I found out about Ryan, and I certainly was not going to tell you then, knowing that you were in a relationship. So I intended to keep it to myself.” Nine's shoulders shift lazily, “Perhaps that didn't turn out as I expected, but here we are.”

He spreads his hands in front of him, a little dramatically as if signaling the end of a grand tale.

Gavin's not sure how long he gawps at him, but it's an embarrassing amount of time. Any English he once knew has disappeared from his mind and all he can think to do is stare — stare until this dream eventually fades away. Dream. Yeah. That's what this is. There's no other possible explanation.

“You seem confused,” Nine observes after the gaping becomes a little too uncomfortable. “Have I said something confusing?”

 _Has he said—_  “Well, yeah? Maybe a few fuckin' things.” Gavin wonders why his immediate reaction is anger, but then remembers his immediate reaction to any scenario is anger. “How the fuck can you be in love with me?”

Brows knit together on Nine's face, a minuscule thing, but undoubtedly there. “I don't understand?”

“Nine, have you _seen_ me?” Gavin scoffs, “I'm thirty-six and barely even able to afford my own house. I've been strugglin' to get by ever since I got outta high school with my four fucking C grades and I ain't had a promotion in _three_ years. I smoke, I drink, I do everythin' that makes me the complete opposite of you. Everythin' that makes me a fucking _failure_.”

He scrambles for a breath, hurt by his own words somehow. He's always felt like a failure. He's just never said it out loud.

“I'm the worst possible person you could fall in love with. There are so many better people you could have. People you could love.” Gavin doesn't want him to love anyone else, but he pushes the words out anyway. “I don't deserve any of that, I don't deserve _you_. You shouldn't love me, Nine.”

Gavin lowers his hands slowly back to his whining cat after realizing he had been waving them around like a madman through the entirety of his speech, emphasizing just how fucked up he was with animated hand gestures. But it falls on deaf ears.

Nine looks back at him with an expression containing even more confusion than it had been previously. The creases in his forehead have deepened and his temple whirrs that unreadable yellow color that Gavin resents.

“I don't think that's your choice to make.” Nine says, rather unexpectedly and far too calmly considering how much Gavin's head is spinning. “I decide what I feel, and who towards. I even have the _right_ to do so now. If you do not reciprocate the feelings for me — then that's fine. However, that will _not_ stop me from loving you.”

Gavin's going to pass out. He's sure of it. The warmth in his chest suffocates him and he can feel his heart pounding in his head, overwhelmed by Nine's words and Nine's eyes and just _him_.

“I've witnessed your insecurities first hand. I know what you perceive your flaws to be. I've experienced three months of the crash course on Gavin Reed, and I am still here.” Nine's body is fully orientated towards him now, his hand is warm where it rests on Gavin's knee. “Everything that you have just said about yourself are your own perceptions; facts you have concluded in your head after a lifetime of not being loved how you deserve to be.”

Gavin chokes on a noise, but Nine silences him.

“I'm not finished. Wealth does not affect my view of you, I have no need or care for money and thus renders your point idle. I know for a _fact_ your grades in high school were due to the fact you were too busy trying to look after your family by balancing three jobs on the side as well as taking responsibility of your brother, and they do not by any means define your intelligence - which is far more superior than you give yourself credit for.

“Alcohol and cigarettes are a typical human habit, and you have every right to indulge in them considering the grave treatment you have received over the years. You should realize how little that fact affects me considering I once too spent large portions of my time indulging in similar coping methods in order to survive — I understand.”

The hand on Gavin's knee moves to cup his face now, and he's certain Nine can feel the warmth of the skin against his palm.

“And finally, Gavin, I could not care less about how many other humans and androids there are in this world. _You_ are the one I want, and nothing you say will change that.”

Gavin's heart flips in his chest. Honest to God, actually _flips_. He's read about that in books before and not had one fucking clue what it meant, but he understood now. He wondered if this conversation was making Nine's heart do anything unusual, but by the flicker of his LED, he got an educated guess.

There's nothing Gavin can be except grateful, grateful and so in over his fucking head. He leans into Nine's palm and smiles against synthetic skin, feeling happier than he has in months. Years. No — he's never been this happy. Not _ever_.

“You smooth fucker. I hate you.” Gavin mumbles against his hand because that's the closest he can get to love. “I guess you're not too bad yourself.”

Nine huffs around a chuckle, and it's the closest thing to an actual laugh he's ever done, “I'm flattered.”

They smile in synchronization, making eye contact that neither of them want to break, content at the moment with Nine's hand on his face and Luci curled up between the two of them, her soft purring the only thing breaking the silence in the room.

The rest of the world slips away, if only for a minute.

“I mean it, though,” Gavin finally plucks up the courage to say, despite the fact he breaks eye contact and fiddles with a loose thread on the hem of Nine's turtleneck. It makes him smile, to finally see an imperfection on his get up. He wonders how Nine will react when he sees one of his beloved jumpers has fallen prey to a dangling seam. “I can't say... that, not yet. But I do care about you.”

“It's alright. You don't have to explain.”

“But I _do_. You do all this shit for me all the time, you always put me first and look after me and I can't even say—” Gavin cuts himself off. It hurts that he can't say it, it probably hurts Nine too. He squeezes his eyes shut and drops his head onto Nine's shoulder in defeat. “I'm sorry. You know I do, right?”

There's a hesitation. Gavin feels it and it makes him hurt more. “I know.”

The fingers that mess with the thread of Nine's jumper walk up until he can press his palm against Nine's chest, feeling the steady hum of the pump that lay beneath. It comforts Gavin in ways he can’t explain — hearing and feeling that strange hum of life. He turns his head and opens his eyes to look at the spot where his hand lay, fascinated by the vibrations he could feel.

Nine’s chin brushes the top of Gavin's head when he looks at him, “Who would have guessed you had such a soft side?” His voice is teasing, and Gavin presses his heated face back into his shoulder and gives his chest a light slap.

“Shut the fuck up. I'm not soft. You're just... interesting.”

“ _Interesting_.” Nine mirrors, turning the word over curiously in his mouth. “I can't decipher if that is intended as a compliment or not.”

“Oh, trust me, it is.” Gavin lifts his head slowly, his nose brushing Nine's perfect jawline as he did. He smells cologne and wonders briefly why the fuck Nine's wearing it, but then realizes it's his own moments later. They're so close he can't even tell anymore. “You know what else you are?”

“What?”

Gavin grins widely as he says, “A massive pain in my ass,” and closes the space between them finally to press his lips against soft, synthetic ones. Fuck sadness, fuck anxiety. Nine's here by his side and that's all Gavin needs. Everything else can fuck off for a little while.

Nine's complaint about being insulted is lost in the kiss that Gavin captures his mouth with, but Nine doesn’t seem to mind because he doesn’t even miss a beat in returning it. The hand that had been originally resting on Gavin's face now makes it's way up into his hair, and long fingers drag through Gavin's — unshowered and embarrassingly greasy — locks to keep him in place.

His body orientates into it on automatic, the palm pressed against Nine's chest registering the change in the pattern of his pump beneath his skin. Weird, that contact like this would affect an android so much, but  intriguing too. Gavin wonders how much more intense it would feel if the thick material of the turtleneck weren't in the way; if Gavin's hand was actually pressed against Nine's skin.

He had always been curious about what Nine's body would look like; what it would feel like. He'd thought about it long before he realized he had an attraction for the guy — it had just been genuine curiosity at the time. But now, Gavin has the chance to actually find out.

The hand shifts until his fingers feel that loose thread of fabric again, and somewhere in his mind — through the daze of having Nine's lips on his own — he remembers the seam had unraveled at the hem of his jumper, meaning Gavin could shift his fingers and be touching Nine's skin in mere seconds. The rush of it makes Gavin dizzy.

He tries to concentrate, which becomes surprisingly difficult when Nine's tongue suddenly presses into his mouth and slicks against his own, but Gavin manages somehow to slip his thumb under the hem and pull it away enough for his hand to slide upwards. He feels soft, refined skin, with the faintest traces of muscle.

A noise tumbles out of his mouth that he isn't proud of, but he can't help it, and he certainly does not apologize — especially not when he feels Nine shudder at his touch. His palm presses back against Nine's chest, no material between the skin this time and, just as he imagined, the hum of Nine's heart feels stronger and more present. It tingles his skin and makes his hairs stand on end.

Alright, maybe he does have a soft side. Whatever.

Nine's weight leans into him to press into his touch and Gavin has to move back against the couch to accommodate for the shift, somehow still managing to find oxygen even though their intense kiss hadn't broken once yet. Slender fingers curl in his hair and brush against the base of his neck, making Gavin gasp unwillingly, so he skirts his thumb over one of Nine's nipples in retaliation.

The android shudders again, though it's more of a jolt this time. Gavin can't remember ever getting a reaction like this from just a few light brushes and marvels at how sensitive Nine appears to be, tracing his index fingers down the skin experimentally and smiling with satisfaction when Nine's back arches into it. _Fuck yes_.

Gavin suddenly has an urge to tear off his shirt, to see more of that skin and find out just how truly _sensitive—_

“ _Hssssssss!”_

They pull back from the kiss in surprise, both staring at each other accusingly to see who had made the noise and why. Gavin's about to ask why the fuck Nine is hissing at him but before he can, he hears the same noise again from his stomach. 

Luci scrambles out from between the two of them, jumping down onto the ground with a low whine, clearly annoyed that she had just nearly been crushed to death. She looks up at them both and Gavin swears she's glaring.

“Fuckin' drama queen.” Gavin mutters, rolling his eyes as Luci saunters off again to find somewhere else to sit where she won't be squished. He can't help but laugh though, it only added to the ridiculousness of the situation. It is nothing, however, compared to the ridiculous expression on Nine's face.

LED flashing between a mix of all three colors, Nine stares down at the space where Luci had emerged from moments before with a mixture of surprise and confusion. His eyes are comically large and his lips are parted slightly, still a little wet from their kissing. Gavin laughs because he looks... cute.

Yup. Cyberlife's most advanced model, designed for interrogation and investigation, capable of incapacitating anyone in mere seconds without so much as batting an eyelid, looks  _cute_. Gavin wonders if he's seeing things.

The look on Nine's face fades as he lifts his head to try and see what Gavin is laughing at, the expression now replaced with a frown, “What?”

Gavin shakes his head, fonder than he can ever remember being as he reaches out and tugs on the turtleneck of Nine's jumper, “Nothin'. Just c'mere.” He encourages, and Nine responds to the tugging by following him down onto the couch, leaning over him once again until he had to brace his hands either side of Gavin's head to support himself.

Their lips brush but they don't kiss; they simply revel in the closeness, the contact. Gavin's body feels warm. “Probably ain't the best place to do this, huh?”

 _This_? What even is  _this_? Gavin doesn’t know. Doesn’t know what direction this is going in. He'd kissed Nine because he wanted to kiss him, as simple as that, but before he could stop himself he had been sliding his hands all over his body and practically groping him. His lack of self-control is downright embarrassing.

“And what do you want this to be, Gavin?” Nine asks, his voice low and their lips continuing to brush as they speak. 

Gavin tries to think of an answer for him, but nothing seems to come together in his mind. This day is awfully confusing. “I want... I want this. I want _you_.”

“Are you certain? I want you to think about this before you force yourself into it.”

Gavin thinks. He thinks about the way Nine's skin feels against his palm, how it would feel to have the rest of his body pressed against him. With the thought comes that urge again — the urge to knot his fingers into the material of Nine's jumper and tear it from his body. The urge to see what else lay beneath all that dark clothing. Gavin doesn't need to think anymore.

“I'm sure.” Gavin nods with confidence. Nine will look after him — he always does. There is nothing to worry about.

There's a beat in which Nine watches him, his LED spinning. Gavin wonders what emotion he's experiencing right now, but then he opens his mouth and says — “We are talking about sex, correct?” — and Gavin realizes it's confusion, “Or have I misread the situation?”

Gavin snorts, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, “ _Wow_. Way to be subtle about it, Nine. _Jesus_.”

“My apologies,” Nine frowns, “I am not very experienced in these matters.”

A single brow arches on Gavin's face, his interest piquing, “You ain't done this before?” He asks, but then another thought cannonballs into his head before he can get his answer. “Oh my god, _can_ you even do this?”

There is a sudden, horrible realization that Gavin actually knows very little about android anatomy. No, screw that — he knows _fuck all_ about android anatomy. He doesn't know what they can and can't do. Hell, he doesn't even know if Nine has _anything_ down there.

He — probably — should have done some fucking research, but it was too late now.

“Your brother was very particular that we were designed in the utmost likeness of humans, that we could replicate them in every single possible way. I was modeled on a human male and so I possess a functioning set of male genitalia.”

Gavin's never heard the word genitalia used in this scenario before, and now he knows why. _Also_  — “Weird fuckin' time to remind me my brother designed you, Nine.” He pulls a face because now he is kinda weirded out. He's been snogging the face off of his sibling’s  _science project._  “Fuck’s sake. Always knew Eli was a perv. Course he gave you a dick.”

“If it helps, he didn't design it himself.” Nine offers, unhelpfully.

Gavin sighs, exasperated, pressing fingers into his eyes, “I guess that makes it a little less creepy.”

“Perhaps we should move on.”

“Maybe, yeah.”

Gavin lowers his hand from his face, sees the small smirk that creeps across Nine's lips as he settles in the hilarity of the conversation. Gavin can only preserve his stubbornness for a second before he, too, cracks — laughing brightly and open-mouthed, unable to help himself.

He presses the hand that isn't on Nine's skin into his sternum to try and quell his chuckles, still grinning as he opens his eyes again and looks back up at Nine — who smiles down at him now, soft and fond, catching Gavin by surprise. Gavin stops laughing.

“What?”

“You're extraordinarily beautiful when you laugh like that.”

Gavin pulls a face. He doesn't feel beautiful. He barely even qualifies for attractive. “Shut the fuck up.”

“It's the truth,” Nine insists and leans down again to his lips to shut Gavin up instead. “I enjoy seeing you so exuberant. Your smile and laugh are positively radiant, I want to make an effort to see them more often.”

Gavin rolls his eyes again, but the blush on his cheek burns and betrays him. He ignores how much he's enjoying being appreciated, how much he wants Nine to keep that promise, and clutches at his clothes instead to distract himself. “I said, shut up and kiss me you sappy fuck—”

Nine does, in fact, shut up this time. He kisses him too, which is a bonus in itself. He presses their lips together with singular purpose, not giving Gavin any time to finish his remark or try and come up with a better one.

Gavin doesn't care. How could he when Nine is pressing against him so firmly — so _carefully_. It's as if he's making up for all the comfort and reassurance Gavin has missed out on throughout his life, promising he will provide him with as much of it as he needs in this single kiss. It's everything Gavin's never had, and everything he wants to keep forever.

He remembers the hand that is still pressed against the skin beneath Nine's jumper, and as soon as he realizes he slips his other hand up to join it, running both palms over firm pectorals and defined muscles.

Nine's body arches with every touch and he fucking _whimpers_ as if he can't get enough of it, and honestly, Gavin can't either. He trails his fingers onto his back and feels firm shoulder blades, then traces them down his spine and to his waist where he feels fucking v-line hipbones. Gavin groans obscenely.

“Alright, this—” Gavin tugs on the turtleneck restlessly, kissing the corner of Nine's lips so he could speak, “— _phck_. This needs to come off. Right now.”

He hears Nine chuckle, low and amused, feels the rumble of it in his chest. “Patience is a vir—”

“ _Off_. Now.”

Gavin hasn't got time to listen to Nine wax lyrical quotes and phrases in his ear, his desire is needy and demands immediate attention. He pushes the material up Nine's body as his arms raise helpfully, and Gavin finally slides it off of him and tosses it somewhere on the floor.

Gavin gets instantly caught up by all that synthetic flesh in front of him. Just as smooth and muscled as it had felt. His chest rises and falls steadily in time with his simulated breaths and all Gavin can do is stare, again. He is doing a damn lot of staring tonight.

Something small and colored catches Gavin's eye on Nine's stomach, and he lifts his thumb to brush over the tiny spots he could see there. Tiny moles, dotted over his sternum and chest. Gavin knows there are a couple on his face, he had been just as intrigued by them too but he had first noticed them — because although Nine was otherwise perfect, he still has these tiny little imperfections across his body.

No, not imperfections. There’s nothing wrong with them. They only make him that much more gorgeous.

Gavin spends an embarrassing amount of time skirting his fingers across every single one of them he can see, and half wonders if it’s making Nine uncomfortable. He chances a glance up at the Android above him and definitely does not see discomfort on his face. In fact, the closed-eyed, open-mouthed expression resembles a look of gratification.

His thumb brushes over another mole located on his collarbone and his whole body jolts, almost mechanically. “ _Jesus_ , Nine,” Gavin exclaims, withdrawing his hand, “you alright?”

Nine's eyes open again and Gavin spots the glossed over look to them. He's processing, or... something. The look remains whilst he speaks, “Apologies. My body is not used to such extreme levels of physical contact. My systems are becoming somewhat disorganized.”

“Do you need to stop? Are you gonna short circuit or somethin'?”

The comment is intended as a joke, but the thoughtful look Nine responds with makes Gavin think maybe he actually could short circuit. _Holy shit_. “I don't think so. I will just have to keep an eye on everything. We can continue.”

“Nine, are you—”

“I'm _positive_.” Nine responds, something hungry about his tone, and Gavin feels it too when his head suddenly ducks again and he presses his lips to Gavin's pulse. Gavin lets out a startled noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, and his hands settle on Nine's back again to press him closer.

Gavin's so glad he chose today to wear a slightly v-necked t-shirt because Nine can kiss his collarbones too. He pays particular attention to them, actually, and Gavin almost blacks out when his tongue dips into the curve of one and licks a warm stripe back up to his neck. From this series of events, he gathers two pieces of information; Nine likes Gavin's neck and Gavin fucking _loves_ Nine's tongue.

Nine's fingers find the hem of the t-shirt and fiddle with it, a silent question. Gavin's too engrossed in the kisses on his neck to comprehend it, so Nine vocalizes it instead. “May I remove this?”

Gavin hesitates, closes his eyes to think about it. It surprises him that the question doesn't scare him as much as he thought it would, that his anxiety hasn't exploded in his chest just at the notion. Maybe if he thinks about it for too long, it will, but Gavin does _not_ want that to happen. He wants their bodies pressed together.

He trusts Nine, completely and wholeheartedly.

Instead of answering, Gavin pushes himself back into a sitting position and raises his arms, allowing Nine to slide the t-shirt up and off, leaving his upper body bare in the dim light of the room.

Once it's gone the anxiety disappears, and all Gavin can see instead is Nine's expression that fixes on him so intently, eyes scanning over every inch of his skin as he flops back onto the couch. There are a lot of scars on Gavin's body, results from years on the force getting shot or stabbed at, from his dickhead ex, from himself. They aren't attractive, not in the slightest — but no one seems to have told Nine this.

Nine gawps down at them like they're the prettiest things he's ever seen, lifting his hand and tracing his fingers along them, making Gavin's body shudder in response. “Exquisite.”

Gavin snorts at the android's vocabulary. He's definitely never been called that before. “You need get your eyes fixed.” He jokes, slapping away the hand that traced his body, playfully, because he knew Nine was just being polite. He had to be. There was no way he actually found any of this appealing.

But that didn't explain why Nine suddenly bowed his head and sealed his mouth over the bruising that tinted Gavin's stomach instead, kissing it affectionately and then trailing his lips along the rest of Gavin's scars, spending an allocated amount of time kissing over each and every one.

It made Gavin feel unexpectedly cherished, made him think that maybe Nine wasn't just being polite — maybe he really did like the scars that dotted Gavin's body. The intensity of their task was lost in the ten solid minutes Nine spent exploring every slice and knick, and for the first time in months, Gavin couldn't feel any tension in his shoulders.

By the time Nine is finished, Gavin's hand has tangled into his hair and his head has fallen back against the arm of the couch, basking in the bliss Nine was providing him. He felt the kisses creep back up his body and puckered his lips expectantly, but instead, Nine's mouth landed on his cheek.

“Was that too much?” Nine checked, and Gavin felt his lips curl into a smile when he shook his head.

“No. No, it was... I'm fine.”

“In that case, I would like to take you to bed now. Is that alright?”

“Take me to bed?” Gavin mirrored with a snort, though it lacked the sarcasm he wanted to. His mind was too scrambled to conjure it. “What're you gonna do? Carry me?”

Nine blinked down at him, his LED momentarily filtering into yellow, unphased by the question. “If you want me to, then of course.”

Gavin deadpanned, “Your jokin'.”

“Not in the slightest. I actually have entertained the idea many times in the past.” His fingers run through the stubble on Gavin's chin, and Gavin couldn't decide what was distracting him more — the feeling of his skin or the confession of _I have entertained the idea in the past. Many times_. Nine catches his look and frowns, “Is that inappropriate of me to confess?”

“What? No—” Gavin shakes his head rapidly, “God, _no_. It's not. Course it's fuckin' not. Completely the opposite.”

“Oh. Good.”

Gavin hesitates, his curiosity getting the better of him as he decides to pry further by asking, “You thought about anythin' else?”

Nine considers the question thoughtfully, and just the fact that he's thinking about it is enough to make Gavin feel exhilarated. “I've imagined many similar scenarios such as this taking place. One that transpires at the station, where I have pictured myself taking you into one of the interrogation rooms and pressing you against a wall. That one is a little far-fetched, however, since there are cameras in that room. It would be highly unprofessional of us.”

Nine sighs as if disappointed, as if he hadn't just unveiled one of his sexual fantasies to Gavin — who was, for lack of better-sophisticated terminology, hard as hell right now. Screw unprofessional. “Then there's the one that takes place inside your car.”

“That one,” Gavin whines, unintelligibly, “I wanna know about that one.”

 _Why_? Well, because Gavin has imagined that particular scenario himself only about a hundred times in the past. He'd imagined it in his bed at home. In the shower. He'd even imagined it when Nine had been sat right beside him, eyes focused on the road and oblivious to Gavin's precarious daydreams.

Nine momentarily looks surprised by the request, but Gavin swears he spots a hint of eagerness behind his eyes too, a hint of hunger. He clears his throat dramatically, “It's all very similar to this, except we're in the car and... I have you on my knees,” Nine's eyes go dark at the thought, as if it was enough to get him off in itself, “and it's much more disorganized and very cramped. But highly enjoyable.”

Gavin only focuses on one thing during Nine's explanation, he focuses solely on the lustful gloss over his eyes, that dark expression that Gavin wanted to see again desperately. So much so that he slips himself onto Nine's lap confidently, knees planting either side of his hips and arms wrapping around his neck, and is rewarded with a heavy groan from the android beneath him.

Strong hands brace on Gavin's lower back and Nine's head tilts forward on automatic so his lips can press against his pulse again like he couldn't help himself. The warmth runs straight down to Gavin's groin and he rolls his hips when he feels it — and then proceeds to make several lewd noises when he feels the growing persistence in Nine's trousers.

Curiosity peaks once again; wanting to know what Nine looked like beneath those tight jeans, what he would feel like in his hand. He wanted to know if Nine had wrapped his own hands around himself when imagining these scenarios — whilst imagining _Gavin_. The thought is intriguing and he can't stop himself from asking.

“Have you... Do you touch yourself when you think about it?” The question is drawn out slowly and Gavin wonders why he's so embarrassed — before remembering it's because he does it himself, and if Nine doesn't that's going to be a major let down.

Nine barely misses a beat in the kisses he places against Gavin's neck, though Gavin does feel the tell-tale sign of uncertainty when Nine's fingers shift minutely on his hips. And after a moment of silent consideration, he lifts his head to meet Gavin's gaze and says, “Yes.”

The confidence and pride he takes in it makes Gavin's breath dessert him, “ _Jesus_.” He presses closer instinctively, knowing what he wants. “Bedroom. _Now_ , please.”

“As you wish.”

Nine's hands move from his hips to the underside of his ass with speed, standing in one fluid movement whilst still keeping Gavin sat against his waist. Gavin bites back a gasp that threatens to escape him and clutches onto Nine's shoulders tightly, but the way he moves them so effortlessly assures Gavin he's not going to be dropped.

He tries to ignore how much Nine's impressive strength turns him on — knowing he could probably pin him against a wall and hold down his wrists with ease. But that's not what he wants today. Though, it's definitely something to explore in the future.

“How're you doin' this so fuckin' easy?”

“I'm a machine. I was designed to be strong.” Nine shrugs, looking up into Gavin's eyes as he responds, not even needing to look where he was going. _Fuck_. “That, and, you're surprisingly lightweight.”

Gavin scowls, “You sayin' you expected different?” He doesn't hesitate to dig one of his feet into the small of Nine's back in a playful reprimand. “Asshole.”

“Not at all. I'm merely stating that it helps.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you.”

“Speaking of which,” Nine begins to say, as he deposits Gavin down onto the bed halfway between his words — when had they gotten to the bedroom? “Which position would you feel more comfortable with? I, personally, would very much enjoy being able to fuck you, but I certainly won't complain if you would rather be on top.”

Gavin blinks, gawping up at Nine from his flopped position on the bed, eyes wide with genuine surprise. The choice has never been offered to him before because it's never mattered what Gavin wanted. A “ _top or bottom?”_ question has never been so flattering.

He must have been processing the question for quite some time because a worried expression flashes across Nine's face and he pries for an answer again, “Gavin?”

“Uh,” Gavin responds, helpfully, “I'm usually... usually a bottom.”

“I didn't ask what you _usually_ are,” Nine reiterates, firmly, and Gavin's foggy mind becomes aware that Nine is removing his belt, “I asked what you would _prefer_ to be. It's your decision.”

The consideration in his tone flaws Gavin, and it takes him a minute to think about it. On one hand, he wants to make Nine feel good — wants to make his first time memorable and let him experience everything. He wants to fuck him so hard that his system short-circuits, just to see what that’s like — to see that smug expression be replaced with mind-numbing pleasure that Gavin will know he is responsible for.  

On the other, selfish hand, Gavin can't stop staring at the sneak peek of Nine's lump where he removes his belt, and he becomes unexpectedly desperate to have whatever lies under there inside of him.

This _one_ time, he wants to be selfish.

“Bottom.” Gavin confirms with an enthusiastic nod of his head, “Definitely bottom.”

“Very well.” Nine smiles and Gavin braces himself for Nine to join him on the bed — to completely devour him. But actually, nothing happens and Nine doesn't move, instead, he lets his eyes gloss over and his LED simmers into that yellow shade.

Gavin fidgets impatiently on the bed, and lets concern seep into his tone as he asks, “Nine? You ran outta batteries or somethin'?”

“Apologies. I'm just conducting some quick research. I won't be long.”

“Research? On what?”

Nine snaps out of his trance momentarily to look down at him, his brows furrowing as if the answer was completely obvious. “Foreplay.”

Gavin snorts softly, taken aback, “ _What_?”

“I told you, I don't have any experience in these matters. I don't even have a database on human copulation. I need to know what to do in order to satisfy you properly.”

“So what? You're gonna just stand there and... watch porn, or somethin'?” Nine shrugs his shoulders as if considering it, and Gavin doesn't know whether to laugh or hit him. “Nine, don't be fuckin' ridiculous. Just c'mere.”

“Gavin, I want to be able to—”

“Yeah, yeah. Get on the bed.” Gavin scrambles upward and grabs Nine by his arms to pull him down. He places a searing kiss on his lips for a few seconds, before he switches their positions so Nine is sat on the bed and Gavin is standing between his legs.

Nine watches him intently, the way one might when they've just caught first glance of a spider on the wall, his LED spinning as Gavin gets onto his knees in front of him and begins tugging at his trousers. The fact they were no longer buttoned up and that Nine lifts his hips helps make it a little easier, but that doesn't change the fact they're still ridiculously tight.

“Fucks sake, Nine,” Gavin mutters in frustration after the fourth tug proves just as unuseful, “you can't just wear sweats?”

“Absolutely not.” Nine scowls, offended by the idea. “Attire such as that has no worth to me whatsoever. Besides, these trousers were expensive, I intend to get the full use out of them and make them worth the money.”

“You wear them every day, how much more use can you—”

He cuts off because the trousers finally peel off his body and reveal his bare legs. Pale synthetic skin covering strong calves and thighs, and Gavin notices about five more moles dotted across different parts of the area. Even his legs were perfect, the fuck.

“Satisfied?” Nine inquires sarcastically and Gavin shoots him a look.

“You'd better stop the attitude, else I won't be doin' anythin'.” It's a bold-faced lie — Nine could spit every witty comeback under the sun right now and Gavin would still put his head between his thighs and blow him dry. But he says it because he can tell Nine is getting frustrated, and that's exactly the reaction he's been looking for.

He gazes down at the lump in Nine's boxers and feels his mouth instantly go dry — because Nine looked big before, but now it was indefinite. Gavin doesn't fail to miss the twitch of anticipation in Nine's leg, and it only makes him that much more smug, knowing Nine's aching for this just as much as he is.

The complacent, shitty side of Gavin wants to tease the fuck out of him for it.

However, first he needs to address the fact that Nine is still looking largely conflicted — there's no expression on his face to say so, but his LED is spinning out of control and, this time, it's not because he's considering watching porn. Or, at least, Gavin _hopes_ it isn't.

“You good? Still wanna do this?” Gavin checks, ghosting a hand over Nine's thigh assuringly, feeling his leg press into the touch as it ran down his skin.

Nine's LED spins around a few more times before he nods with certainty, “Yes, I do. Do you?”

Gavin smiles when the question is mirrored back to him, already feeling the heavy anxiety in his chest disappear at Nine's words, that security more prominent than anything Gavin's ever felt. “Yeah. We can just... take it slow.”

“And stop if either of us feels uncomfortable.”

Gavin nods, feeling better already and ridiculously content — so much so that he leans up on his knees and presses another kiss to Nine's mouth. The android responds to it easily, a hand coming up to cradle the side of his face as they kissed — soft and gentle and loving.

It lasts for a solid couple of minutes, and they forget what they were supposed to be doing, only interested in letting each other know they were in safe hands. That nothing is going to hurt them, and nothing is going to come between them.

Gavin decides, if he could say it, he would tell Nine he loved him right now.

The intensity returns when Gavin presses his tongue into Nine's mouth and slides his hands back down his chest. Gavin notes how weird Nine tastes, in the sense that he doesn't taste like anything. He could wager Nine was currently analyzing scotch and traces of smoke from Gavin's earlier cigarette from within his own mouth, and yet Gavin can't find a thing. It's odd, but definitely not a problem.

Deciding to give Nine a taste of his own medicine, Gavin pulls his lips away and trails them down his neck instead — kissing over the areas where Nine's pulse and Adam's apple should have been. Nine squirms beautifully in response, his head tilting to the side to allow Gavin more access to the soft skin that Gavin never usually gets a chance to even look at — let alone kiss.

He can't understand why Nine would ever cover himself up so much when something so beautiful lurked beneath.

The hand Gavin slips down Nine's body finally locates the hem of his boxers, which he runs a finger along teasingly. Nine's hips twitch and make Gavin's smirk widen — marveling at how sensitive he is before he's even gotten to the main attraction.

A sad thought interrupts the heated moment when Gavin discerns that Nine has probably never been touched before, not with this degree of attention at least. Brief moments of contact have been exchanged between the two of them in the past, but that had all been done over layers of thick clothing. It's no wonder Nine is so sensitive.

Is that why he covers himself up so much, to protect his vulnerability? Gavin doesn't dwell on it too long, it doesn't seem like a topic of conversation for foreplay. He can ask later.

Pushing it aside, Gavin presses his palm into the lump of Nine's boxers and gasps into his neck when he feels it. Nine's teeth grit, the second time Gavin has seen him do so, to hold back his own moan of pleasure. Gavin isn't satisfied enough with that, so he ducks his head away from Nine's neck suddenly to put his mouth on him through the fabric of his underwear.

Nine lets out a small, aborted noise that he can't hold back, and Gavin's smirk returns. He tongues him through the material, wetting it and feeling Nine's cock grow that last little bit into a full erection, and Gavin flushes and tries to pretend he hasn't been fully hard since Nine had started kissing his neck on the couch.

Looking up to try and see Nine's expression, Gavin notices his head has tilted back once again and instantly becomes annoyed that he can no longer see his face. So, he withdraws his mouth for long enough to hook his thumbs into his boxers and pull them down his legs.

That last layer falls away much easier than the goddamn trousers had, and Gavin struggles to maintain his composure when his eyes land on the heavenly sight between Nine's thighs.

His cock is hard and flushed... _blue_. Gavin hadn't even thought about that, but it made sense - it's the same color he had seen his cheeks turn when they had kissed on the bed the last time. He should have expected it, really, and maybe it should have put him off. Except, it didn't.

In actuality, it made Gavin unexpectedly hornier, which was a miracle in itself considering that he already felt more turned on than he ever had before.

He notices Nine's head come forward to look at him after several seconds pass and he hasn't done anything apart from gape at him, but Gavin still doesn't bother to move. “Did you remove my trousers simply for the purpose of staring?”

Gavin scowls at the question, shooting a glare up at him, “No.”

“Are you sure about that? Because you don't seem to be doing anyth— _Oh_.”

The sound of Nine being cut off as he licks a confident stripe from the base of Nine's length to the head makes Gavin smile, silencing him and making his words turn into gasps as he circles the top with his tongue. The urge to make a smug comment has never been more prominent, but honestly, Gavin just wants to put his mouth around him and if they delay any longer he's one hundred percent sure he will actually, physically _die_.

He wraps a hand around the base of him whilst he works his tongue over the head, steadying himself by bracing on one of Nine's spread thighs. The sound of sheets being gripped in a fist makes Gavin smile, and he can't help but be proud of himself.

Adjusting his hand, he licks another easy stripe up the shaft and notices it really is easy. He had been expecting the usual salty taste but — rather similar to his mouth — Nine's cock had no taste whatsoever. Gavin couldn't find a complaint about that.

When his tongue reaches the head again, Gavin takes that opportunity to fix his lips around him and take his cock into his mouth.

Nine's hips jerk in response and the light grip he holds the sheets with tightens, whilst his other hand shifts with hesitation briefly, before reaching and tangling into Gavin's hair with confidence. Gavin doesn't mind that, in fact, he likes it. Even if he didn't have Nine's cock in his mouth, he wouldn't complain.

He can't take Nine all the way, _no_ fucking chance, so he uses his hand to help, lips meeting his fingers where they wrap around the warm skin. And it really is warm. It makes Gavin's mind foggy, all that heat in his mouth, but he's definitely enjoying it. Maybe even more than Nine is.

“Gavin—  _Fuck_.”

 _Nevermind_. Nine seems quite satisfied with the situation. He hears Nine let out a string of gasps and moans and feels his leg twitch where Gavin holds it down. It's gratifying to see him like this, so preoccupied when he's usually all focus and control and professionalism.

His face is free from his usual fixed frown and replaced instead with a relaxed, blissful expression that keeps his LED blue and his lips parted — makes his eyes fly open momentarily when Gavin sucks on the upstroke.

Gavin finds a steady rhythm that feels comfortable for him but obviously pleasurable for Nine and keeps it up with the use of both his hand and mouth, working both movements in synchronization. Nine's hand tightens in Gavin's hair, his fingertips shifting against his scalp and following the up and down of his head.

That is a good sign, for Gavin. It meant the pace was right, and Nine wasn't offering any complaints that would suggest differently.

He curled his tongue around the head on one of the upstrokes and felt Nine's legs tremble beneath him, wondering if he was close — it certainly seemed like it. Then Gavin had to pull off for a moment when his mind cleared of haze enough to remind him of something important, something he needed to know.

“Can you come?” He asked, surprised at the hoarseness of his own tone, continuing to move his hand along Nine's cock whilst his mouth was otherwise occupied. Nine's eyes blink open slowly when his head lifts, and it takes him a second to process what Gavin had asked.

“Y-Yes.” Nine fucking _stutters_ , “I possess that feature. I shouldn't have a problem with cooldown, either.”

Gavin licks his lips, the statement making his mouth dry with excitement. “So, you can have, like, multiple orgasms?”

“Mm.” Nine hums in response because apparently, he can't find words anymore. That's fine. More than fine. Gavin's _very_ okay with that. Proud, actually.

“ _Fuck yes_.” Gavin might be a little too enthusiastic, which he learns from the way he latches back onto Nine's cock without hesitation and takes him almost to the back of his throat, but he can't find a fuck to give — not know he knows that Nine can come without needing to worry about being able to do it again later.

Picking up the same pace as he had before with the combined effect that he was taking more of his cock now sends Nine spiralling — he lets out a choked cry as his fingers tighten in Gavin's hair once again and his hips lift in time with Gavin's movements, tilting him into a world where it was almost too much and he nearly gagged several times. But he held on because Nine was so close. He could feel it.

He felt it in the trembling of his legs, saw it in the convulsing of his chest, heard it in the way he moaned so freely and gasped, “ _Fuck_ ,” about twenty times. Gavin's never recalled him swearing so much before, and that's a win in his book.

Then it happens, suddenly and unexpectedly. Nine's hand flexes and then pushes Gavin down, holding him still as he came hard into his mouth, strings of whatever the hell Nine's come was made of sliding down his throat. Nine shuddered and then fell back onto the bed.

His hand relinquished its firm grip on Gavin's hair and Gavin lets him slip from his mouth, swallowing hard and lifting a hand to wipe away the strands that he hadn't been able to keep in his mouth. There had been _a lot_.

When he stands he feels his own legs and hips shaking from how hard he is, from how close he is already just from this, and his face becomes warm with embarrassment. He brushes it aside though when he notices Nine hasn't moved from his position on the bed, and Gavin crawls over his body to make sure he's still switched on.

His eyes fix on a yellow LED that processes what just happened, and Nine's own opticals open slowly when he registers Gavin pressing against him again. His cheeks and neck are a lovely blue flush, and he smiles when he sees Gavin. Gavin marvels at the expression because he looks _tired_.

“Well,” Nine says, breathily, “that was an interesting experience.”

Gavin snorts softly, “Interesting? That's not what I was goin' for.”

“Believe me, Detective, whatever you were hoping to achieve — you achieved it.” Nine's eyes close again. He still hasn't moved his arms and Gavin absently wonders if he even can. “I highly enjoyed it.”

“Cool.”

“But now,” Nine flips them over without warning, and Gavin gasps sharply. Yep, arms definitely working, “It's your turn. I understand what I'm doing now.”

Gavin settles his head back onto the soft pillows he can feel behind him, watching Nine tower above him with anticipation. He could probably get off the rest of the way just from how Nine looked at him now, dark and wanting. “I doubt it'll take much. I'm already pretty fuckin' close.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing, Detective.” Nine says, like he’d been wanting to savour the experience. Gavin fights back the moan in his throat. “Will you be able to repeat the experience more than once? I still want to fuck you.”

“I dunno. Probably.” Gavin shrugs his shoulders. He hasn't had two orgasms in one night in a long time, probably not since the first month or so of his and Ryan's relationship. But he can't deny his own frustration in this minute and honestly, he needs a release. Like, _right now_. “Guess we'll find out.”

Nine nods, wastes no more time, unzipping Gavin's trousers as soon as he's finished talking and yanking them down his legs. Gavin lifts his body to help make it easier and realizes that Nine had hooked his thumbs into the boxers too and pulled them away at the same time, finally allowing Gavin's erection to spring free.

He can't help but groan in relief, the tightness disappearing and replaced almost immediately by Nine's warm tongue which laves over the length of him without warning. Gavin's toes curl into the sheets of the bed and his head flies back against the pillows with enough force to render him dizzy, his already foggy mind blanking out completely before he has time to bite back the wrecked moan that tumbles past his lips.

Nine hums a noise of approval below him and Gavin can practically feel the smirk on his lips as he says, “I would very much like to hear those noises more often. Please refrain from holding them back.” Finishing the request by curling his tongue around the head of Gavin's cock, Gavin decides he has no willpower left to do any differently and lets his hips arch unceremoniously as he feels Nine's lips close around him.

Nine takes him all the way down to the base and Gavin feels his cock hit the back of his throat, moans that were already loud and ruined now increasing in volume and sending Gavin's mind into overdrive. Gavin would have been disappointed — disappointed that he couldn't do this for Nine, that he had only been able to take so much of him in his own mouth — but when Nine's head lifts again and he _sucks_ , Gavin finds he can't remember how to feel anything other than mindnumbing pleasure.

“Oh my god, _Nine—”_ Gavin chokes, unlike Nine who swallows up his entire cock without even flinching, “Please. _Please please.”_

Gavin doesn't know what exactly he's begging for, but Nine apparently does, because at Gavin's words his head starts moving up and down along Gavin's cock in a steady rhythm that makes heat flare around him. He bunches one hand into the blankets and fists his other into Nine's hair, clenching hard as Nine's tongue stilled briefly around the head and then engulfed him once again.

Gavin, determined to prove to himself that this isn't just a dream, manages to find enough resolution to lift his head and make sure Nine's mouth really is around his cock and—  _oh, fuck_. Nine's eyes gaze right back at him, maintaining eye contact as he sinks his mouth around his cock and swirls his tongue, LED spinning yellow as he analyzes the taste of Gavin's pre-come that he had no doubt he was already leaking.

His mouth opens to say something, to make a sound, _anything_  — but the sight of Nine's head bobbing between his thighs at the pace Gavin's hand demanded, his usually perfect hair messy and tangled between his fingers, and those eyes fixed on him with dark intention and attentivity is enough to steal sound from Gavin's throat. He forgets how to speak, forgets how to think, aware only of the searing, wet heat that envelopes him in the form of suction.

There's only one sound that comes to his mind at this moment; in the form of a name, an important name that he wants to scream from the top of his lungs, “Nine... _Nine_!”

It's embarrassing how fast Gavin comes. Or, at least, it should have been, but Gavin hasn't got the headspace to focus on it. The compelling warmth builds in the pit of his stomach until he almost can't take it anymore, and then it explodes inside of him. His hips thrust up and his fingers pull at Nine's hair warningly, but Nine stays exactly where he is, swallowing Gavin down as he comes — harder than he ever has before, he's certain.

Gavin feels his back press back against the bed and half wonders how far he had lifted off of it, his entire body tingling pleasantly as he slowly starts to settle again, though his mind is still in a million pieces. He feels his cock slip from the warmth of Nine's mouth and, just as he's about to lean down and pull Nine up for a kiss, Nine crawls back over him and plants one on his mouth anyway.

The taste of himself lingers on Nine's tongue, as he discovers when Nine pushes it into his mouth, and all he can do for a few seconds is moan in response. When Nine's body presses against him he is surprised to feel his erection already fully returned, and revels in the idea of Nine touching himself whilst he was working his mouth on Gavin's cock. Honestly, if he was a little younger, that thought alone would have been enough to make Gavin hard again.

Gavin finds the strength to return Nine's kisses again just as Nine pulls away, infuriatingly, “Are you too tired to continue?”

“Fuck no.” Gavin says, a little too quickly, “I can keep goin'. I can outlast you any day, tin can.”

Gavin cannot. He knows this, and Nine does too. However, though he is well and truly exhausted from the glorious blow job Nine has just provided him with, nothing is about to stop him from continuing with this. He's a stubborn guy, it's his most redeeming quality — and he is bloody determined to have Nine inside him before the night is out.

“I highly doubt that, though I would like to see you try.” Nine chuckles, “However, first I believe I am required to... loosen you up, is that the correct term?”

Gavin's eyes roll before he can stop himself, though he knows he's smirking. “Bravo, Nine. Good fuckin' job.” He teases and dies a little inside when Nine actually gushes with pride. How the fuck can someone be so cute and sexy at the same time? He's like a rare collector's item. “You got lube?”

The gush disappears and a frown appears instead on Nine's face, “No. Why would I have that?”

“Um, I dunno? Maybe so you can fuck me, smartass?”

“I didn't think this far ahead.”

“Are you kiddin' me?” Gavin sighs, either with dismay or frustration, he can't tell. “You think of every other fuckin' thing. You don't have anythin' at all?”

Nine thinks about it for longer than Gavin has patience for, and honestly, he can feel himself deflating as every second passes. If they can't do this, Gavin's going to be devastated. Blow jobs are good and all, but it's nothing compared to the real thing. Gavin really wants the _real thing_.

After a minute Nine shakes his head, and Gavin feels his heart drop before he even speaks, “I'm sorry, no. I don't have anything.”

“Fuck's sake,” Gavin hisses through his teeth, sounding just as disappointed as he felt. A part of him is tempted to just say fuck it and proceed anyway, but past experiences warn him about how much that fucking kills. It's not what Gavin wants right now. “If only we were doin' this at mine, I've got shit tons of the stuff just lyin' around the—”

Gavin stops talking as a thought comes to mind, and it's so sudden that Nine's LED actually spins with concern. “Gavin? Is something the matter?”

“Shit, no. I just thought—” He chews his bottom lip, hoping the hunch he just had was right. “When we were cleanin' out my stuff from the apartment, did you clear out my bedside drawer?”

“Yes, I did.” Nine says, “I wasn't a hundred percent certain what was and wasn't yours, so I believe I packed everything just in case. Why?”

“There was lube in it.”

“ _Ah_ , well then. I'll go look.” Nine's never moved so fast, Gavin's sure of it. He pushes himself from the bed and disappears out of the bedroom as fast as a shot. Gavin bites back a laugh because Nine's still stark naked and his windows aren't exactly small. Though he can't imagine Nine has much to be ashamed of people seeing.

Gavin sits up as another thought comes to his head, “Will you feed the cat as well before you come back?” — It's embarrassing to ask, but he knows that if they don't feed her the bitch will come strolling in halfway through their activity and dig her claws into them until she gets attention. Something like that _might_ ruin the moment.

Nine offers a grunt in response from wherever he is in the house, the sound of bags opening rather frantically making Gavin smile. It's good to know he isn't the only one who is eager to carry on.

Taking a moment to himself, Gavin realizes he has probably just under two minutes to get himself hard again, and so he gets to work — imagining all the things Nine is about to do to him. Imagining Nine's long fingers sliding into him finally. Imagining that _fucking cock_ inside of him.

47 seconds pass and Gavin's sporting a full erection.

Nine returns to the sight of Gavin stroking himself to hardness on the bed, and Gavin immediately panics because _fuck no Nine does not want to see this_  — yet instead of horrified confusion taking over Nine's expression, his face morphs into something akin to desire and he bites down on his bottom lip sinfully. Gavin swallows a very harsh lump in his throat.

“You couldn't wait two minutes?” Nine smirks, like the smug bastard he is, and Gavin opens his mouth to bite back whatever witty comeback his mind can dig up — but then stops immediately when he spots the bottle of clear, viscous liquid in Nine's right hand.

His cock twitches, apprehensive. “You found some?”

“This appears to be what we're looking for, or so my scanners say.”

“And you fed Luci?”

“She is happily consuming her Orijen as we speak.”

“Cool.” Gavin nods, “Now get over here and fuck me.”

Nine obliges. He's on top of him again within seconds, lips colliding with his own and tongues slicking against one another. It occurs to Gavin that he probably didn't need to spend time getting himself hard again, that this would have done the trick just as well. But Gavin wouldn't have traded that look Nine gave him upon catching him for the world.

The sound of the cap being popped off the bottle echoes in Gavin's ear and Nine pulls himself up to coat his fingers in the liquid and then lets it pour down between Gavin's cheeks. It tickles and makes his body squirm, and Nine appears to relish in the sight of him like that on the bed — hard and fucking gagging for it.

“You're so pretty like this, Gavin.” Nine purrs, as the thumb of the hand that wasn't spreading his cheeks in lube, runs over Gavin's entrance, relaxing him and making his hips buck. “I am reluctant to ever move you from this position, perhaps I should keep you like this.”

“Don't you —  _phck_  — don't you fuckin' dare.” Gavin warns, but it lacks the indignation that he had been aiming for. Too lost in the sensation of Nine's fingers running against him, dipping behind his balls with confidence. _Fuck_. “I want you inside me, Nine. _Now_.”

Nine stops drenching him in lube and drops the bottle somewhere, the hand that had been holding it now caressing the inside of Gavin's thigh lovingly. “Of course. Anything you want.” Nine reassures, in a voice that is far too comforting for this situation, and he slips his index finger inside of him finally and pushes up to his knuckle.

Gavin gasps hoarsely, feeling his breath escaping him as that first hot, insistent finger breaches him. His hips arch into Nine's hand, feeling the finger curl inside of him and draw out a bone-deep need from within him. Desperation for more, more of Nine's touch, his fucking _hands_.

The hand Nine isn't currently fingering him with traces gentle patterns into the skin of his thigh, up to his hipbones and the scars on his stomach. Gavin shudders, unsure which motion was making him tremble more. He's being so careful, so patient. _Loving_.

A second finger presses into Gavin and he feels the stretch of it, the minuscule burn. But it doesn't hurt. _Far_ from it. It's too warm and fantastic for pain to even play into it, and Gavin can only focus on the amazing sensations Nine's hands are providing him with.

“Nine, _ohmyfuckinggod_.” Gavin manages, because fuck articulation right now.

Nine hums above him, approving and patient, fingering him leisurely. “You're doing so well, Gavin. So _good_.”

Gavin's back arches at his words, his face heating up at the praise. He was trying to be good. He _wanted_ to be good for Nine. Knowing he might actually not be as crap as other people had made him out of to be makes his body light with happiness, and Nine picks up on it.

“Good boy. I know you can take this.” A third finger enters Gavin, and his body almost spasms. It's tight and far too wonderful to be true. Nine's hand brushes over bruises and scars on his forearms, carefully tending to each and every single one like no one has ever done before.

Gavin's never had this. Not _ever_. No one has ever shown this much affection towards him. No one has ever taken the time with him as Nine does now, savoring every inch of him and making him feel more than worthless. More than what he has always believed himself to be.

No one. Not even Ryan. Ryan who would probably already be finished by now and leaving Gavin to lie and tremble in his own fear. Ryan who would press a drunken kiss to his temple with the promise of love before he would beat him to the ground only minutes later. Ryan who did not love him — who never had.

The thoughts swell in Gavin's head and mix with the pleasure he feels from Nine's fingers, and there's a moment where it almost becomes too much. _Almost_  — and then Nine lifts Gavin's wrist to his lips and kisses his scars, fingers curling inside of him as he whispers against his skin.

“You're _perfect_ , Gavin.”

Gavin breaks. Tears push from his eyes before he can stop them, his chest convulses with sobs that mix between euphoria and overwrought. He disintegrates in Nine's arms, which withdraw from Gavin's body and then wrap around him again with strength and comfort and everything Gavin needs. He presses his wet face into a shoulder and doesn't think twice about the salty liquid that spreads across synthetic flesh, too caught up in the moment.

“Shh, now. It's alright, I've got you.” Nine's voice is a consolation through the overwhelming surge of emotions, and Gavin wishes he could clutch onto it and never let go. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to— You _are_ perfect, Gavin. You're so much more than you perceive yourself to be. I promise I would not lie to you.”

“I—I know.” Gavin manages, embarrassed by how wrecked his speech is. Embarrassed of the fact he's having a breakdown halfway through sex. “I'm just... I'm not used to—”

“I understand.” Nine runs a thumb over his cheekbone, wiping away saline tears. Gavin leans into that touch and savors it, the warmth of Nine's palm against his already burning face, synthetic against flesh. His emotions swirl all over the place and he has to take a moment to rein them all back in, but Nine is there through every second of it — a constant, solid reassurance that holds him close to his chest.

Several minutes pass until Gavin's breath returns to normal until his anxiety finally settles the fuck down and takes a back seat. Nine's still touching his cheek, and his other hand is carding through Gavin's hair with sticky fingers. Gavin needed a shower before they had started their activities, but now it was indefinite.

“Better?” Nine asks, words muffled where his lips press against Gavin's temple — the temple where his LED would be situated if he were an android. He wonders if that has any significant meaning, and makes a mental note to ask later.

Gavin manages a nod, his forehead bumping Nine's shoulder several times as he moves his head. “Yeah. Yeah, m'good. Sorry.”

“There's no need to apologize. I told you, I understand.” Nine kisses him again, on his cheek this time, soft and loving compared to the searing kisses he had been smothering his lips with only minutes ago. “If you need to stop, we can.”

“No, it's alright.” Gavin turns his head to capture Nine's lips where they press against his cheek, noses brushing as he speaks. “I want to keep going. I just needed a minute, that's all.”

“Gavin, are you su—”

“I'm _positive_.” It's satisfying to mirror the words back to him, words that had been said on the couch earlier when Nine had been jolting uncontrollably. That seemed like years ago, but, now Gavin thinks about it, it's probably been less than an hour.

And he is positive. He's sure he wants this, nothing is about to change his mind. If anything, that surge of emotion was due to how fucking happy Gavin felt in this moment, how safe. Nine is all the security he needs.

Their actions are less urgent now, however. It's to be expected, probably, and Gavin knows it's his fault — but he's not complaining. This slow, compelling desire they press against each other with now is just as drugging as the heated, expeditious urge their activity had contained beforehand. It's loving and tender, and when Nine pushes Gavin onto his back against the bed again, he finds himself desperate to just wrap himself into it.

Nine's cock is hard and persistent against his thigh and the fact he's so _close_ makes Gavin's hips arch with need, which in turn makes his own cock rub against Nine's stomach and the friction makes him shudder. Nine eats up the moan that Gavin lets out into their kiss, his tongue pressing back into his mouth again and making Gavin dizzy. It's a lot, but not enough. Nine isn't inside of him yet, and that is undoubtedly an issue.

“Nine...” Gavin whines into the kiss, like the needy fucker he is, “C'mon, please. _Please_.”

Once upon a time Gavin was ashamed of begging — and the first time he met Nine he would never have pictured them here now, bare bodies pressed against each other as Gavin pleads for Nine to just slip inside him already — but right now Gavin swears he would get on his knees and beg for hours if it meant Nine would do so.

But when the head of Nine's cock finally presses against his entrance, it seems there won't be any need to.

It's just that first little push, but Gavin's already wrecked. He squirms on the bed as Nine guides his length into him, pushing inside inch by inch, slow but tenacious. Nine's hands hold Gavin's hips with a grip that is neither firm nor gentle, but a pleasant mix of both, and Gavin feels the tremor running through his hands where his palms press against him.

Nine settles halfway and Gavin feels full, fuller than he ever has in his life, but he's determined to take more — he bucks his hips against Nine's and lets more of him sink inside, aching pleasantly. Nine seems more than happy with this, and when Gavin manages to peel his eyes open for long enough to look at his face, he sees that same closed—eyed, parted—lip expression he had when Gavin's mouth had been around him. Shallow breaths push out of Nine's mouth that makes Gavin grip the sheets tighter.

Nine settles all the way in, and Gavin's fucking proud of himself. It hurts, but he expects it to, and Gavin can distract himself from it with the delicious pleasure that comes with it. And once Gavin has adjusted and Nine can continue, that pain all but fades away when Nine pulls back out and then pushes back in.

Gavin felt his mind blanking out again, the heat inside of him turning him into vapor as Nine kept up that pace of pulling and pushing, slow and drawn out. It's mere seconds before that burn fades away completely, replaces instead with mindnumbing bliss, and before long Gavin can hardly contain himself from gasping out moan after moan after moan.

“Fuck, f—fuck. Nine, _yes_.” Gavin's tone sounds foreign to him; he can't ever remember a time he heard himself so breathy, so high pitched. Can't remember the last time he begged for something so much. And he is definitely _not_ ashamed of it. “D—Don't stop.” 

Nine is all too happy to oblige, he cries out something hoarse as he drives himself into a faster rhythm, his hands tightening on Gavin's hips where he holds him. Gavin thrusts back in response, and the lewd sounds of their hips smacking together in the silence of the room is enough to make Gavin's eyes roll into the back of his head.

He never wanted this to end. Ever. He was certain he could stay like this for hours, with Nine pushing into him so persistently and providing him the most blissful experience of his life. And with that comes the reminder that this is Nine's first time. His first fucking time ever doing something like this and he's rendered Gavin into a blubbering, moaning mess who probably can't even remember his own name at this point. It's exhilarating to think about what the next time will be like.

Nine's body presses closer suddenly, and Gavin takes that opportunity to wrap his arms around him and dig his nails into his back. It's an automatic reaction, and perhaps he should have checked it was okay first, but he can only take Nine's wrecked moans as a sign that he didn't mind.

He hears Nine make another noise above him, but this is something that doesn't sound even remotely human. A kind of low gasp that wisps with static as it comes out of his mouth, akin to the noise those old cell phones used to make whenever they got to close to another piece of technology. Gavin doesn't clock it the first time around, but when it becomes louder and Gavin can hear the distress in Nine's tone behind it, his eyes fly open to check on him.

The expression he's greeted with is worrying, to say the least. Nine's LED is an angry red color, and his eyes are screwed shut tightly enough to make his brows pinch together. His arms are shaking where he steadies himself on the bed, and as Gavin becomes more aware of the situation he realizes Nine has stopped moving.

Concern ripples through him, “N—Nine? Are you alright? What's happenin'?”

Nine's head does not move, his eyes remain tightly shut, but he does manage to speak. The static continues into his tone as he says, “Th—This is... a lot to process. I am unsure if I can keep this up.”

Gavin's never heard him sound so distressed before, though maybe he had come close when talking about his confusing transition into deviancy. It makes Gavin's chest ache, and he wishes he were more in the loop so he could find better words to say to reassure him.

He reaches up a hand to touch Nine's face, and that, at least, seems to ease some of that expression away. “Shit, okay — Hey, it's alright. You're okay, I've got you.” Gavin wishes he knew more about android systems and programming, because maybe then he would know what to do. But an idea does come to mind that he reckons could help. “Here, let me—”

He means to say what his thought process is, but in the end, he decides to let his actions speak for him. He pulls away until Nine's cock slips from him again, and in one careful, fluid movement, he takes Nine's shoulders and pushes him back down onto the bed instead. Nine's eyes open properly to watch what he's doing, but that LED of his still whirls between red and yellow and lets Gavin know he's struggling.

Gavin straddles his hips, planting his knees either side of him and holding himself above Nine's crotch. Nine offers no protest as Gavin fumbles beneath himself for his cock, positions himself over it and then guides it back into his entrance, sinking down onto it easily. In fact, he moans, soft and breathily and distracted somewhat from whatever his systems were doing to his head.

His LED settles more into the yellow hue and Gavin sees that as progress, hopes that means this is helping. If Nine can distract him from all the emotions inside of him, then Gavin can damn well do the same for him. He leans forward and pins Nine's wrists to the bed and towers over his face, making sure their eyes met as he spoke.

“Just focus on me, yeah? Don't go into your head.” Gavin tries, presses a kiss to his lips as he speaks, and feels his heart thump against his chest when Nine just nods in response. Gavin needs to get him outta his mind, needs to distract him, and he's going to make sure he fucking does it.

He starts to bounce himself on Nine's cock, lets it threaten to slip out before sinking all the way back onto it. Waves of pleasure return and flood his mind, and he feels himself drowning in the sensation of it all. The hands he uses to grip Nine's wrist with move upwards and intertwine with Nine's fingers, holding them tightly to provide more distraction, and Gavin smiles when he feels Nine squeeze back. Sees his lips parting again. Hears soft moans escaping him.

“Ah— _Gavin_.” His name tumbles past Nine's lips in a tone that can only be described as heavenly, and Gavin feels a flush of pride knowing he's succeeded in distracting him again. And, deciding he wants to hear his name in that voice more, begins picking up a speedy rhythm along Nine's cock.

It's been a long time since he last did something like this, and yet with Nine it's all so easy — so strangely familiar. As if they've done this a hundred times. It only adds to the intensity of the whole situation and makes the pleasure inside of Gavin build more, to the point where he knows he's already so fucking close again, though he wants to hold off for so much longer. Doesn't want this to end so quickly.

Yet, despite his wishes, he feels himself tittering over the edge all too soon. He bears down on Nine relentlessly, lets him fill him up completely, and when Nine reaches up a hand and starts to move it along his cock in perfect time with Gavin's pace — that's when he loses control.

“Oh god...  _N—Nine!”_

His head throws back, his fingers clench around Nine's hands and he slams their hips together and comes — hard and intense, clever fingers working to push semen out of his cock and splattering over Nine's stomach unceremoniously. He doesn't care, can't find a fuck to give, the pleasure too dizzying and mindnumbing as his orgasm rides out on Nine's length.

He feels Nine shudder beneath him too, feels his hips jolting up to meet his own as his own climax rapidly builds to the point where his teeth clamp shut and the synthetic skin on his hands peels away to reveal the white beneath, hints of blue visible where their palms pressed together. Gavin's seen android couples do the gesture before, on the tv and in public, and has no fucking idea what it means — but he knows he wishes he could do it too because he knows it's important for Nine. Knows it means _something_.

Nine lets out a string of incoherent curses as his hips slam upwards and he comes inside of Gavin, warm and wet and enough to make Gavin let out a few embarrassing noises. Nine's LED is yellow through his orgasm, but Gavin doubts its a bad sign anymore, especially not when his eyes open and look up at Gavin with softness and love, his lips turning upward in a tired smile as he settles again.

Gavin leans against his chest and feels Nine slip out of him, but is far too eager to press their lips together to care. Nine cards a white hand into Gavin's sticky locks as their mouths collide, passionate and greedy, soft and sweet, all at the same time. Gavin's sure he's never had a kiss like it in his life, and definitely does not want it to be the last one.

Panting and fucked out, Gavin tucks his head under Nine's chin and kisses the skin there instead, slowly remembering how to speak again. “You good?”

“My systems are in disarray,” Nine states, matter-of-factly, and Gavin feels his shoulders tense with worry before Nine adds, “I suppose that means I enjoyed it.”

Gavin snorts, “You _fuckin_ '—I hate you.”

“Are you alright, Detective?”

“Mm—amazing, Nine, if you couldn't tell.” Gavin mumbles into his skin, eyes closed and just as content as he claimed to be. “You're fuckin' incredible.”

“You're not too bad yourself.”

“Fuck you.” Gavin rolls off of Nine's body, collapses beside him with all the gracefulness he usually possesses — absolutely none. As much as he had enjoyed riding Nine like that, it felt good to be pressed against a bed again. It made him aware of how exhausted he was — and how disheveled. “We're a mess.”

Nine chuckles, low and amused as ever, glancing down at the white strands on his own stomach and nodding in agreement. “We should get cleaned up.” He announces and draws himself up from the bed. Gavin expects him to go and fetch a towel or something, but instead, he holds out a hand towards him and waits patiently for Gavin to respond. “Come on.”

“What? Where we goin'?”

“To shower. As I said, we should get cleaned up.”

“Shower? Can you even do that?”

Nine arches a brow, and Gavin restrains the urge to slap the look off his face as he says, “Would I have offered if I could not participate?”

“Alright, smartass.” Gavin scowls, standing up to join him anyway. Despite the sarcasm, he really is a mess. A shower doesn't seem like too bad of an idea — especially if it's a shower with Nine. “Good in bed or not, you're still a pain in the ass.”

“Noted, Detective.”

They shower together happily, and Gavin is, surprisingly, more than happy to let Nine takeover washing his body for him — soaking him with suds and pressing kisses against his body whenever he gets the chance. Gavin does the same for Nine afterward, despite his insisting that he didn't technically need to be washed, but he doesn't seem to mind it in the end.

Once they're finished and dried off, towels are discarded of and Nine leads Gavin into the spare room, deeming his own bed uninhabitable for the night — especially now they were clean. They switch positions many times as they lie in bed, with Nine spooning Gavin at some points and Gavin spooning Nine at others, with Gavin's head on Nine's chest or Nine's head on Gavin's chest. It's comfortable and secure, and they find themselves content wrapped in each other's arms.

It's so funny to Gavin, how much his life has changed in such a short span of time. How only a week ago he was waking up in a cold bed wondering if he would even survive the day, depression and anxiety a constant heavy weight on his shoulders that made even getting up a terrible bore.

Obviously, that hasn't gone away. And it never will. Not completely. Gavin's always going to be scarred and broken from the terrible things Ryan put him through; he's always going to have the reminders of it in his mind and on his skin. But at least, now, he can work on changing that — work on getting through the depression, through his habits and defensive nature. Work on his relationships; with Nine and... maybe even his family. His brother, his parents.

He can try to help Nine, too. Help him through the emotions he doesn't understand, help him whenever his programming fucks with his head too much and sends him into overdrive. Be there for him when that happens, and stand by him every step of the way.

Being with Nine has opened opportunities that Gavin thought he would never have the chance to take, and he'll be damned if he doesn't step up and meet every single one of them.

The overwhelming gratitude he feels for the android blossoms in Gavin's chest as he presses his face into Nine's neck now, basking in the euphoria of his life in this current moment. Nine is the best thing that could have ever happened to him, he's sure of it, and he never ever wants to let him go. Even if it means facing his fears; if he has to grab his anxiety by the reins and _pull_. He'll do it. Anything to ensure that Nine knows how much he means to him.

So, just as Gavin's about to fall asleep, and Nine kisses his forehead and whispers, “I love you,” against his temple, Gavin lets a smile ghost his lips and lets the words flow easily from his mouth.

“Love you too, smartass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )

**Author's Note:**

> @tamarthoe on tumblr did some awesome art inspired by this fic - check it out [here!](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/post/178045917637/my-boy-loves-his-friends-like-i-love-my-split)  
> find me on tumblr ( [a-callipygian](http://a-callipygian.tumblr.com/) )


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